Our favorite emo Mariners beat writer Geoff Baker was kind enough to transcribe a good portion of the pregame remarks by new Seattle hitting coach Lee Elia. After blathering on about treating his players like shit (and abusing his wife and children), Lee reflects on organizational change by giving the writers his secret for making a delicious and easy breakfast:
"In everything in life, sometimes change is better,'' he said. "Sometimes you make an omelette in a baggie and put it in boiling water and it comes out just as juicy and even better than if you fry it.''
Jesus Christ, Lee! Boiling those Ziploc baggies is toxic. The Ziploc people do not recommend using their bags in boiling water because the baggies are made of a polyethylene plastic that softens at about 195 degrees Fahrenheit. Water boils at 212 degrees Fahrenheit, so that plastic would surely melt. There's no real scientific proof that there are carcinogens in the plastic baggies but I'll be goddamned if I'm going to test that hypothesis by having a cheddar and melted plastic omelet.
Wait a minute....holy crap, Lee Elia is trying to kill his wife and children by giving them cancerous omelets!
(We owe a six pack of Cokes to the folks at U.S.S. Mariner)