Marlins Introduce New Mascot, Same as Old Mascot But Smaller

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The Florida Marlins are having trouble drawing fans, even while they sit just 2.5 games out of the N.L. Wild Card at an unexpected 34-28 record. They're hitting, they're pitching, they're fielding, but they just can't draw fans at home. Just 12,444 fans turned out yesterday to see Corey Patterson hit a meaningless solo tater tot in the ninth inning as the Marlins romped 9-2 over the Reds. But the night before, the team drew 25,289 folks to witness the berth of a new delicious mascot. Witness Li'l Billy:

    "With a video spoof of Austin Powers as introduction, the Marlins unveiled the latest addition in their "eight-figure" marketing arsenal at Saturday night's game at Dolphin Stadium: Lil' Billy. The mini-Billy the Marlin mascot looks about half the size of the original Billy, but wears a 1/3 on his jersey. He was introduced between innings and the two big-billed fish danced together."

Wow, Jeff Loria! That's the best you could come up with? That'll really keep the asses in the seats. Forget the 99 degree weather with 99 percent humidity, because I WANT TO SEE THE SMALLER FISH MASCOT! HERE, TAKE ALL MY TAX DOLLARS FOR YOUR NEW STADIUM, MR. LORIA! You know i wasn't planning on going to the game until they added that smaller version of the already existing mascot. But now... I'VE GOT MARLINS FEVER!

(we owe a Coke to Fish Stripes)

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Holy mackerel!

Wholly mackerel!

The part that excites me is that they must have hired a midget to climb into that outfit. That means we have a shot at seeing that costume's head come off, with a wee midget body running after it.

Their next gimmick should be Charlie Hough riding one of those huge wheeled old fashioned bikes around the warning track during the 7th inning stretch.

I liked the "1/3 on a small person" gimmick better when Sr. Veeck did it like 60 years ago.

Why does Billy the (Big) Marlin wear Krusty the Klown shoes?

Smilla Marlin has never been prouder as a mother and maritime law wife.

Screw the fish, the marlins want me they need to come across with a mermaid.

Billy was showing off little Billy to the crowd?
Things are heatin' up down in FLA!

Oh, and fuck you Loria.

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