The Big Boots Of Pain: Today's Afternoon Games

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  • 12:10, Rays at Marlins: Fresh off the heels of getting completely pantsed 15-3, the Marlins look to regain some of their dignity and avoid the schweep. They've lost 8 out of 12 overall and are lucky the rest of their division has been losing too. Matt Garza vs. Mark Hendrickson is your matchup.

  • 1:05, Cardinals at Tigers: So the other day I said this Cardinals series could sort some stuff out in both Central divisions. Of course, it hasn't. Today's rubber match pits Todd Wellemeyer against bastion of mediocrity Nate Robertson. Wellemeyer has been on the DEEL for 2 weeks. So... that's something.

  • 2:20, Orioles at Cubs: Jim Edmonds has hit 4 HRs in his last 4 games. According to the fellas at STATS, he's hitting .351 with a .432 OBP at Wrigley since signing with the Cubs. All the doubters (read: everyone) look kinda dumb right now. He looks to stay hot and the Cubs try to snatch some rubber. Rad Liz vs. Jason Marquis.

  • 3:10, White Sox at Dodgers: Hey White Sox, you feel that warm sauerkraut breath on your neck? That the Twins and they're coming for you. Try not to blow it in today's rubber match out in lovely Chavez Ravine. Especially you, John Danks. You'll be squaring off against Young Clayton Kershaw.

  • 3:35, Phillies at A's: Hey the Phils won last night! Their recent struggles have kept them from distancing themselves from the aforementioned Strugglin' Fish. If they want any rubber today they have to snatch it out of RIch Harden's cold Canadian hands. Adam "Alex P. K" Eaton gets the start for The Fightins. Hi Clare.

  • 3:35, Twins at Padres: Hey Minny, you're closer to Ozzie Guillen than it looks. He's just tiny. The Twins have won 9 in a row and are merely 1 game back in the loss column. They've been doing it with great starting pitching. Last night they did it with the bats. They're firing on all cylinders and Ron Gardenhire is so excited that last night he drove his John Deere mower to the liquor store to get some Korbel. Scott Baker vs. Josh Banks, duders.

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29 Comments

I'd like to be the meat in that sandwhich. Btw, New York Minute was a criminally underrated film.

Which one killed The Joker?

Tom Hung: Why do they have to be called the Assfuck Twins? Why couldn't you just called them the Naughty Twins, or something?

Maxxx Orbison: Because that's what they do. Why would I call them the Naughty Twins when they get fucked in the ass all the time?!

As a straight male, I can say with pride that the Olsen Twins disgust me. Also, twin sisters who do porn together disgust me.

Rich Harden makes my wiener move, however.

You are mixing sterotypes CTC. Brandy and kraut are more of a Wisconsin thing then a MN thing and.... ah nevermind we are all the same. The only thing that seperates us is a river.

The last time Rich Harden's penis moved he went on the DL.

Zing!!!

So Harden gives Farthammer a hardon. Got it.

Gameday looks weird today. I don't like changes.

C'mon, commenters. Let's bring the level of discourse back above the Mendoza line. We just posted an interview with somebody's mom, for cryin' out loud!

@Rob

You can't force people to like you. That's what those guys who try too hard do, and all that does is make so they're known to everyone else as "that guy who tries to hard."

If I were one of those guys I would totally know though.

Any more filthy language and CTC is going to post a taint pic.

I think I would have rather seen CTC's taint.

For a great example of commenting above the Mendoza line, see the Liberal Bee Jays post.

Or any post that Urban Dictionary was linked to.

I'm not familiar with this "Mendoza" you speak of, Iracane. Does she do anal?

Yes, Yes *


* I don't think they are that attractive, but their net worth certainly is.

YOU KNUCKLEHEADS SHOULD KNOCK IT OFF WITH FOUL FRENCH, YOUR AWFUL EIFFEL IS GIVING ME AN EAR FULL

In BASEBALL news, Matt Garza is no-hitting the Marlins through 5.

His one walk was quickly erased by a DP and his pitch count is low.

@Farthammer

I don't think "straight male" means what you think it means.

Just became unemployed for the 2nd time in 3 months - time to start the drinking!

I'm watiting to us all of my Above-Mendosa-Line comments for Reader Participation Friday.

I drink early and heavily on Fridays, so I'll either be very amusing(to myself) or pass out take a long nap. It'll be great.

@Pete
You don't need to be unemployed to drink. You just can just be a thirsty dude.

-Hedberged

Garza is through 6 now. 74 pitches.

Poor HTML and Typing Skills - Why do you torment me so?

Garza gives up tater tot in bottom of 7th to Hanley Ramirez.

I am glad that's done with.

@The Kid

It's cool, you typo'd by adding the word "tit." That is acceptable.

@ Jiegel
Excuse me, I have to take this call from a "Doctor Freud."

Also, "Tits" is my favorite word of all time.

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