What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGSummer is here and baseball's biggest sissies can't take the heat. I'd tell them to get out of the kitchen but they're already gone, sitting on their couch eating bonbons and watching Judge Mathis. He's got soul!

  • Tom Glavine, Braves: Tom Glavine is going back to his favorite chair on the disabled list. The octogenarian corner painter has a strained left elbow. According to that CBC article Glavine is "stylish." What the hell is wrong with you Canadians? Everyone on the Braves wears the same thing. It's called a uniform. But I digress. Who'd have thought having Smoltz and Glavine in your rotation 2008 may not be the best idea?

  • Alfonso Soriano, Cubs: Looks like we got ourselves another two-timer. Fonzie makes his second trip to the Island of Misfit toys with a broken left hand. He drilled a pitch but unfortunately used his wrist. He could be out for up to 6 weeks.

  • Josh Barfield, Victor Martinez, Indians: Welcome back to the big leagues, Josh. Here's a sprained finger for you. He injured himself checking his swing which is a pretty accurate metaphor for the frustrating couple of years poor Barfield has had. Meanwhile Martinez's right elbow is inflamed and he's heading to the Deel. That's what you get for stirring that 5 alarm chili with your bare arm, Vic.

  • Albert Pujols, Adam Wainwright, Cardinals: Bert has a strained left calf that landed him on the Deel and he's expected to miss at least 3 weeks. This is terrible news for the Cardinals because they are just waiting to suck and this could be the tipping point. Well, that or their ace, Wainwright, going down with a sprained middle finger. If you had "sprained finger" in this week's Creampuff pool, please bring your ticket up to the stage. You're a winner!

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16 Comments

Vic should have covered his arm in candle wax before stirring.

Who'd have thought having Smoltz and Glavine in your rotation 2008 may not be the best idea?
Everybody but Frank Wren, Bobby Cox and myself.

Expensive ties are just stylish nooses, you Canadians!

http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/2007/08/07/tom-glavine-sells-expensive-clothes/

Fonzie's actually headed to exile island, where he will receive clues that may help him uncover the hidden immunity idol.

Rob, tell me your thoughts on Yanks getting CC Sabthia and if it would make you start listening to Vallejo rap.

I don't know what a 'Vallejo rap' is but I'd rather not the Yankees make a big deal for C.C. this season. Keep Cano, keep Cabrera, keep Hughes and Kennedy to see which one pans out, and sign C.C. for four years this December.

And then watch him become the next Carl Pavano.

C.C. needs to lose 400 lbs to become the next Carl Pavano.

Possible ways to sprain middle finger:

1. Flipping off the security camera at the ATM, because fuck them, you know? but then getting an electric shock from the casing
2. Too much right-clicking to download dirty images
3. Too much Tetris
4. Overenthusiastic administering of what I believe is referred to as "the Shocker"
5. Endless struggle to make the Mr. Spock hand signal thingy
6. Just can't ever figure out the bass part to "Heart and Soul"
7. Being a huge wimp

The two best hitters on the Tribe go on the DL and we score 12 runs last night. Go figure.

futuremrs.
You forgot flicking off people going under the speed limit that are in the left lane.

Albert Belle and Larry Doby are on the DL? Shit.

Maybe you just need to slow down and respect your elders, Mr Underscore T.

FMRA,

Trust me, the shocker will wreck shop on your pinky, not the middle finger.

Thome and Manny were better than those two, but Thome was p-whipped into leaving by his hag wife and Manny chose to go to Boston, not being smart enough to understand that he's a minority.

@Fart

That is, unless we're talking about a case of vagina dentata. In which case, you have to worry more about bite marks than sprains.

ALL THESE INJURIES ARE BECAUSE OF MAPLE BATS! MAPLE BATS WILL MOLEST YOUR CHILDREN!

- Yahoo! Sports

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