July 2008 Archives

Here it is, folks. According to SI's Jon Heyman the Red Sox have traded Manny Ramirez to the Dodgers.

UPDATE: Pirates involved in deal. Jason Bay to Red Sox. I'm going to have to stay at work past five... TO BLOG.

UPDATE 2: Rosenthal says Andy LaRoche to Pirates, Craig Hansen to Pirates, to other players to the Pirates one from each the Dodgers and Sox.

To recap. Manny, Derek Lowe and Nomar Garciaparra all play for Joe Torre. In Los Angeles. Weird.

UPDATE 3: I kind of miss him already.

UPDATE 4: I'm too tired to write a TQ. See you tomorrow, everybody!

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• Rinku and Dinesh went to a Dodgers game, marveled at the enormous car park, and met Chan Ho Park. The MIllion Dollar Arm Blog.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh are squeamish about seeing public displays of affection. The Million Dollar Arm Blog.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh got their hair cut. By a woman. The Million Dollar Arm Blog.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh went to Venice Beach and bought some sexy sunglasses. The Million Dollar Arm Blog.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh are experiencing shoulder soreness. Sounds like Joe Torre got to 'em! Amirite? Amirite? The Million Dollar Arm Blog.

According to sources The Tampa Bay Rays have acquired Jason Bay from the Pittsburgh Pirates for minor league SS Reid Brignac and and minor league right-hander Jeff Niemann.

The Rays are players, man. This will most likely move Eric Hinske to first and put Carlos Pena at DH. They're serious down in Hillsborough County, indeed.

JULIA TUCKER PUT THE JASON BAY SONG BACK UP, DAMMIT.

UPDATE Not so fasto, amigo. There seems to be a slight hangup regarding the minor leaguers the Rays are to send.

UPDATE 2: Ken Rosenthal says it's not happening. Ken Rosenthal is also a twerp, but he may be right.

Lost in all the Manny mess and the Maddux miasma is the fact that the Los Angeles Dodgers STILL need a friggin' shortstop. Rumors have been floating around for the past month but nothing has happened since July 1st. Well, except, of course, Nomar Garciaparra becoming the starting shortstop for the team and then getting hurt, forcing the Dodgers to go with...sigh...Royals castoff Angel Berroa.

So let's throw some names against the wall and see which ones cause Ned Colletti to make a crazy trade:

• Jack Wilson (PIT) - Pirates wanted too much
• Brian Roberts (BAL) - not even a shortstop, and there's no chance
• Michael Young (TEX) - why would the Rangers even deal him?
• Adam Everett (MIN) - THE TWINS NEED HIM
• Cal Ripken (BAL) - Holiday Inn Express won't budge
• Snuffy Stirnweiss (NYY) - killed in 1958 when his train plummeted into Newark Bay
• Brian Bocock (SFG) - giggle giggle snort!
• John MacDonald (TOR) - who?
• David Eckstein (TOR) - perfect fit on a mediocre team of veterans
• Marco Scutaro (TOR) - cripes, how many shortstops does J.P. Ricciardi have?
• Tomas Perez (HOU) - he still plays? For the Round Rock Express?

So I guess they'll be stuck getting David Eckstein from the Blue Jays. He's a gamer!

Our friend at the New York Daily News Jesse Spector finally worked up the nerve to approach New York Yankees Detroit Tigers reliever Kyle Farnsworth for an interview. Of course, he did it the morning before Farnsworth was traded, so this convo between these two otherwise disparate gents is mostly worthless, except for the extreme awkwardness within:

1. If you could trade places for one day with anyone in baseball, who would it be?
Kyle Farnsworth: No idea. Go to the next one.

2. Who's your favorite athlete to watch in another sport?
KF: Hmm. I have no idea. Next one.

...

4. What is one thing people need to stop talking about?
KF: Uhh...I have no idea. I'll try to think of something.

Awkward! Okay, okay, I edited that for maximum hilarity, but really, could there possibly be a worse time to interview Kyle Farnsworth, especially when he turned on the tears just hours later?

No, not the WoW shrimp. I'm talking about 8 year old Eddie Richardson of Smyrna, GA. The kid says he knows the position of all 750 major league ballplayers. Reporter and skeptical harpy Helena Oliveiro decided to make the kid prove it by testing him.

• Left field, San Diego Padres?

"Scott Hairston"

• Who is Andrew Sisco?

"Pitcher, Chicago White Sox, on the DL"

• Seattle Mariners, first base?

"Miguel Cairo"

For years, Eddie, who started reading at age 4, quietly studied the newspaper every morning.

His dad didn't realize his son's talent with baseball stats until last summer.

"By third day of golf camp, all of the golf pros surrounded Eddie and they kept quizzing him on baseball and they couldn't stump him," said his father, Ed Richardson. "The golf pro pulled me aside and said, 'This is not normal.'

Screw you golf pro. Raise your own kids. Eddie Richardson loves baseball and is quite "normal," no matter how at peace you are with having to buy your son a dollhouse for his birthday.

Eddie if you're reading this, email me. I want you to write a guest column.

• 12:05, Tigers at Indians: My, there were a substantial amount of runs scored by these two teams last night. 26 to be exact. Cleveland hit 5 home runs and still lost despite Fernando Rodney blowing a save. Bring back Jones! Today pits Justin Verlander against MANNY RAMIREZ. I mean Fausto Carmona. Sorry force of habit.


• 2:05 Cubs at Brewers: The Brewers came into this series feeling great but are coming out in rougher shape than your mother. They've scored but 7 runs in the first three games of this series. Facing Rich Harden today, their asses are firmly on the edge of the dustpan, with only MANNY RAMIREZ, I mean Dave Bush to save them.

The Seattle Mariners got on the trading train today and sent reliever Arthur Rhodes down to Florida. Here's recently injured Matthew Cerrone of MetsBlog.com:

    "According to ESPN's Peter Gammons, on ESPN Radio, the Marlins have acquired LHP Arthur Rhodes in exchange for 22-year-old RHP Gaby Hernandez. If you recall, Hernandez was traded to the Marlins by the Mets in 2005 for Paul Lo Duca."

Left handed relievers don't grow on trees, people, so it's no big deal that Rhodes was (a) out of baseball last year and (b) once really pissed off about Cory Lidle eating Graham Slam ice cream. Marlins win big time.

Baseball Musings' own David Pinto is, not unlike the rest of the baseballblogosphere, furiously liveblogging the deadline day trade rumors and whatnot. Actually, David updates his site about 25 times a day and he's one of the best and most prolific reporters on the web. But unlike the rest of us pecking away at our keyboards from our cubicles or home offices, he's sitting at his local Friendly's restaurant:

    "With my home DSL down, I'm taking advantage of free WiFi at the Longmeadow Friendly's. Many thanks to the folks at Friendly's for not charging like Starbucks. If anyone reads this in the Longmeadow area and wants to come by to talk baseball, feel free to join me."

David, try the Strawberry Fribble with a side of Marvelous and Magnificent Sundae featuring M&Ms. Whatever you do, stay away from the Supermelts. SUPERMELTS ARE MADE FROM PEOPLE

So you've all heard the news by now. Manny goes to Florida to play 15 minutes from his house in Pembroke Pines, The Red Sox get Jason Bay, and John Grabow. The Pirates get Jeremy Hermida and a bunch of 5 tool kindergartners with tons of upside. Well according to Gordon Edes, there's still no deal in place so cool your jets, hermano.

The deal makes sense for pretty much everyone. The Marlins get a couple months of happy Manny satiated on mango flesh and his own bed and the Sox pick up most of the tab. The Sox replace a large percentage of his numbers and put another live body in their dreadful bullpen and the Pirates get to be in the newspaper.

Will they/won't they? Frankly whenever I hear any "tentative deals" for Manny I wave my hand at the TV and make a fart noise but this one seems to have more legs than past rumors.

If only that chick hadn't removed the Jason Bay song.

The Dodgers have finally poked their gamer noses above the .500 mark with a 4-0 win over the rival Giants, their first time with a winning record since May. Still, Ned Collletti wants more more more veteran performance from his team, so he's got his eye on San Diego Padres pitcher Greg Maddux. As per Tony Jackson, the move may hinge on finances:

The Dodgers are said to have some interest in Maddux, but acquiring him probably would make the Dodgers responsible for the remainder of Maddux's $10 million salary, which would come to about $3.3 million. Thus, a trade could depend on owner Frank McCourt's willingness to add to his payroll. But such a deal probably wouldn't require the Dodgers to give up a frontline big-league player or prospect because of the Padres' eagerness to unload Maddux.

Los Angeles has some good starters already: Chad Billingsley, Derek Lowe, Hiroki Kuroda, and Clayton Kershaw, with Jason Johnson as a spot starter for injured Brad Penny. One can never have enough pitchers, though, especially with Joe Torre's notorious bad luck with starting pitchers.

Speculation around the league is that the Marlins will send first baseman Mike Jacobs to the San Francisco Giants in exchange for Walkoff Walk favorite Bengie Molina. Henry Schulman at the San Fran Chronicle thinks otherwise:

In Florida, Marlins' first baseman Mike Jacobs was lifted in the sixth inning, fanning speculation he would be part of a deal for Molina. Molina, however, played the entire game Wednesday and is not believed to be going anywhere.

Getting Manny Ramirez from the Red Sox would certainly be a boon for the Marlins, but getting one of the best catchers in baseball for Jacobs would be a real difference maker, what with Matt Treanor's injury problems.

As per Walkoff Walk commenter Donkey Time, smarmy baseball apparition Ken Rosenthal of FOX Sports is reporting that the Chicago White Sox have reached a deal to acquire Ken Griffey Jr. from the Cincinnati Reds. The teams are waiting on Griffey to decide if he really wants to play for the emotionally abusive Ozzie Guillen. MORE DETAILS AS THEY COME IN.

UPDATE ONE: CTC interviewed Ken Griffey's mom back in June. This has nothing to do with anything, we just feel it didn't get enough publicity at the time.

UPDATE TWO: Wait, don't the White Sox already have three capable outfielders, one capable first baseman, and a capable DH? What will Griffey do on this team? The laundry?

UPDATE THREE: And yet Griff's teammate Adam Dunn sits by the phone, biding his time with the jumble. He leads the majors in tater tots, people!

UPDATE FOUR: White Sox to send Nick Masset and Danny Richar. They may also be sending Nick Swisher to Oakland for Huston Street. Whoops! Congratulations to your 2008 AL Central winners, the Minnesoter Twins!

UPDATE FIVE: Griffey approved the deal. Now we're just waiting for the commish to approve the trade. Also, Marty Brennaman is staying on the sixth floor of the Mayflower Hotel in Warshington D.C. if any of his stalkers want to find him.

Here's what happened in baseball while overjoyed in this world:

Phillies 8, Nationals 5: Chase Utley's second homer in as many nights can mean just one thing: he has risen from the dead and will eat the brains of anyone who gets in his way. Yes, that means you, Tim Redding. The Phillies' offensive octet opened the door for Jamie Moyer to accumulate his 240th career win. Pat Burrell threw out Jesus Flores at second base in the sixth and was double-switched in favor of Jayson Werth in the seventh for defensive purposes. Wait, what?

Marlins 7, Mets 5: Josh Johnson's first win in two years can mean just one thing: he has risen from the dead and will eat the brains of anyone who gets in his way. Yes, that means you, David Wright (0-for-4, 1K). Johnson was one of the three stellar young arms on first year manager Joe Girardi's 2006 Florida team that ended up losing significant time to arm injuries (Anibal Sanchez and Ricky Nolasco being the others). In other words, watch the eff out, Joba Chamberlain. The Mets' loss pushes them a half game out of first in the NL East and just one game ahead of Manny Ramirez' future employer, the aforementioned Marlins.

Cardinals 7, Braves 2: Chris Carpenter's first four innings pitched in fifteen months can mean just one thing: he has risen from the dead and will eat the brains of anyone who gets in his way. Yes, that means you, entire Braves "offense". Casey Kotchman went 0-for-5 with four gentlemen left out in the pasture in his Atlanta debut while the rest of the Braves team could only amass two runs on eleven hits. HOW DO YOU LIVE LIKE TH...you get the point. Carp didn't get the decision, but the pride of Manchester, N.H. could care less...he's healthy! Mazel tov!

Hey kids, ladies and gentlemen we're floating space.

• WILL the Twins and Cubs make it three in a row in their respective Big Midweek Series?


• CAN the Red Sox avoid a second straight sweep at the hands of the Halos? Tex will be in the lineup.


• WHO will still the rubber in San Diego, Los Angeles and Florida?

Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

I have no real source for this but who cares. Camp Tiger Claw says that Buster Olney says that the Yankees traded for Detroit catcher Pudge Rodriguez.

UPDATE: Kevin Kennedy and Rob Dibble are playing Pudge highlight clips on XM 175 - MLB Home Plate.

UPDATE TWO: Kevin Kennedy says this is a great trade for the Yankees. This can only mean: it's a horrid trade.

UPDATE THREE: THE YANKEES GOT RID OF KYLE FARNSWORTH! This means Brandon Inge will have to catch for the Tigers EVERYDAY now.

UPDATE FOUR: The Yankees acquired someone named Pudge and yet Peter Abraham was nowhere near his computer.

UPDATE FIVE: Rob Dibble doesn't think the Yankees are done trading and that they'll probably pick up a pitcher. A Yankee fan calls in a says, "Great show." I turned off my radio. Also, MLB.com has a story up.

Hey, remember when Oakland was in playoff contention? Right before the All Star break, when they were just a couple games out of first? Yeah, those days are long gone. Since July 11th, the A's are just 2-11 and have fallen into third place in the AL West, thirteen whole games behind the Angels. As for the Royals, they haven't been in playoff contention since the Achille Lauro hijacking, so a potential sweep over Oakland would be absolutely terrific for their huge sportsblogger fanbase.

Oakland will send new kid Sean Gallagher out to prevent said sweep. He's seeking his second AL win in his fourth start. The Royals will counter with Joe Posnanski's favorite pitcher Brian Bannister, whose ERA has ballooned to 5.40 after finally admitting he cannot, in fact, read or write.

Does this game mean anything for the playoff push? Probably not. Is it worth glogging? Any professional baseball game is worth writing pithy remarks about. Enough with the chit-chat, let's get glogging! After the jump, natch.

Former ESPNet Sportszone movie reviewer and tertiary Mitchell Report character Gregg Zaun is pleased with the way he has performed as member of the Toronto Blue Jays and is ready to move on if traded. He's sad about losing playing time to Rod Barajas and would like to move on to a contender.

That's all news to Toronto general manager and Adam Dunn detractor J.P. Ricciardi who can't even get rid of Zaun for two quarters on the dollar:

"We're aware that Zaunie is unhappy," Ricciardi told MLB.com. "We wish he wouldn't go through the media with it. We wish he would come to us, especially knowing we have a good relationship. Unfortunately, right now, there are no takers for him. If there are, we'll definitely oblige him.

"I think we've been a little bit more proactive than maybe Zaunie thinks. Part of making a trade is someone has to want you. Right now, there's no one that has expressed an interest in him. That's where we're at."

Um, I don't like Gregg Zaun very much and think he's below average for even a backup catcher in the majors. But damn, he can still catch a fastball. And he knows how to put on the catchers gear. And he can kinda sorta hit. That's gotta be worth something. Teams like the Yankees, Mets, and Marlins could use a new catcher and there are not many of 'em on the ol' trading block. You mean to tell me that NOBODY wants a 37-year-old catcher who spent time on the DL this year with a throwing arm injury? Oh.

(We owe a Coca Cola Classic to Fifth Outfielder)

• 12:37, Rays at Jays: This one's for rubber, brudder. Roy Halladay pitched well last night but Matt Garza was on total lockdown. His complete game performance and huge hits from Hinske and Longoria put the Rays 2 games up on the punchless Red Sox. Today's matchup pits Edwin Jackson against something called a Scott Richman. Where's that Canadian we hired? He might know something about this guy.


• 1:05, Orioles at Yankees: Millar is hot, Huff is hot, the starters have been good. It's been an exemplary couple of games for the O's at Yankee Stadium. Joba Chamberlain will try and put a stop to the sweep this afternoon. Tons O' Fun completely eviscerated Boston in his last start and has allowed but 1 run in 13 innings since the ASB. He is opposed by Dennis Safarte, normally a reliever making his first big league start. Knock em dead, Dennis.


• 3:35. Royals at A's: Rob will be glogging this game. The only reasons I can think of are:
  
  A. He doesn't wanna be forced to do a whole game and can use the 5 O'clock bell as an excuse to leave.
  or
  2. He's trying to impress Farthammer
  
  Regardless of his motives, the live comedy stylings of Mr. Iracane will be trained on this one featuring Brian Bannister and Sean Gallagher on the ones and twos. KC has their hand on the broom closet.

Minnesota Twins infielder Adam Everett has had a rough relationship with the team in 2008, and things just got more awkward over the past week. Adam started off the year as the starting shortstop, amassing a horrific-even-for-a-good-fielding-shortstop-which-he-is-not .589 OPS. Kid was put on the 15 day DL in May with a shoulder ouchie and hasn't played since.

So now, what's the haps, Minneapolis Star Tribune's national baseball reporter Joe Christensen?

The Twins placed second baseman Alexi Casilla on the disabled list tonight after he was diagnosed with a torn tendon in his right thumb. To replace him on the roster they activated Adam Everett from the DL.

Yes, there were reports earlier that the Twins had designated Everett for assignment. They actually gave him a contemplative outright assignment form, and he had three days to decide whether to accept it. Tonight, they called to tell him they needed him back.

What, pray tell, is a 'contemplative outright assignment form'? What makes it 'contemplative'? Is it a pamphlet with meditation suggestions? Is it a purchase form for the bestseller Zen and the Art of Baseball Mitt Maintenance? Did they tell Adam to go sit in the corner and think about what he's done? WAS ADAM EVERETT IN A TIMEOUT?

No matter, the Twins are up shit's creek sans Casilla now, so of course they had to come crawling on their knees and beg Adam Everett to come back. Heck, I bet Ron Gardenhire downed half a bottle of Pinot Grigio, wiped his tears away, picked up the phone, and yet couldn't bring himself to dial the last number, so he sent Joe Mauer over to charm Adam into coming back. Those sideburns will do it every time!

You want pragmatism? You like your pragmatism served with a heaping helping of Brent Musberger, Korean ringers and attention starved moms that pin picture of their kids to their visors and are always on television? Then have I got some good news for you. Limited instant replay will be used in this year's Little League World Series in Williamsport, PA.

Replay would be used "to overturn an obvious wrong," said Dennis Lewin, chairman of Little League's Board of Directors.

The rule limits replay to instances in which a batted ball "leaves the field of play at or near the outfield fence, or should have been ruled out of the field of play" at or near the fence.

A Little League "game operations replay official" would need "clear and convincing" evidence to overturn an umpire's ruling on the field, according to the rule.

Replays would likely be rarely used, (Little League President Stephen) Keener said, and if used would likely cause a delay of 30 to 45 seconds.

"I think that's easily a fair trade off," Keener said Tuesday in an interview with The Associated Press at league headquarters. "I think everyone would agree that getting it right is most important."

Hell, yes. Stephen Keener for MLB Commissioner! Shit, Stephen Keener for US President! Neither players, onfield umps nor coaches will be able to request a replay. It's usage will be determined by "a Little League replay official and an umpire in the booth."

Wow, that makes entirely too much sense. Is it at all possible that eventually MLB will pattern a system for its own game modeled after one created IN LITTLE LEAGUE? If that happens, I can think of no finer and more succinct indictment of the ineffective leadership that has plagued baseball's last twenty years.

Here's what happened in baseball while you were learning Japanese.

Cubs 7, Milwaukee 1: For the second straight evening the Cubs emerge victorious against their closest division foe. Z went 8 scoreless, striking out 9 and scattering 5 hits. The game was living up it's pitching pedigree, as a 1-0 ball game going into the sixth. In that inning, Chicago batted around against Ben Sheets, including a thrilling mix of hard hit balls and Ryan Braun taking a couple dumps in the outfield. The Cubs give themselves a little breathing room, opening up a 3 game lead.

Twins 6, White Sox 5: Uh ohs! The Identicals scored 5 in the fifth to come back from a 4 run deficit. Justin Morneau had a bases clearing double and was probably all humble about it and then had a glass of Kool-Aid. White Sox rookie Clayton Richard was cruising until that fateful frame. Joe Nathan got his 29th save in 31 chances and is very good. Minnesota sits just 1/2 a game out.

Orioles 7, Yankees 6: Daniel Cabrera and Dave Trembley both got tossed in the 8th after beaning A-Rod, the Yankees tried to mount a 9th inning comeback, Kevin Millar hit his 6th HR of the year against The Bombers and it all amounted to: The Yankees losing to Baltimore for the second straight night and their third loss overall. Phew that was exhausting. Darrel Rasner is sucking back to earth.

Phillies 2, Nationals 1: I've got nothing against the Phillies, but I hate seeing Brett Meyers do well. That redneck malcontent threw 7 shutout innings and even got into a humorous fake spat with Charlie Manuel when it was time to leave the game. Whatever. Between that and seeing a picture of this fat guy, I didn't have much fun writing this recap.

...through 8 1/3 innings.

File this one under "Things That Happened While I Was Commuting" and/or "Things That Sportscenter Deemed Worthy of Taking a Back Seat to Brett Favre News". Yes, the team with the best record in baseball just got bester:

Sources close to the situation told ESPN.com's Jayson Stark on Tuesday that Atlanta Braves first baseman Mark Teixeira is headed to the Los Angeles Angels for Casey Kotchman and minor league pitcher Steven Marek.

We all know Tex is a super player today, offensively and defensively. He'll help the Angels' lineup tremendously. Sure, he's most likely walking back to Baltimore after the season is up, but giving up an average first baseman and a pitching prospect is a decent price to pay.

As for Kotchman, I said earlier today that Casey Kotchman started off the year hitting well (OPS of .999 as of May 1st but has regressed of late, bringing his OPS under .800. The Angels win this trade for now, but at age 25, Kotchman has some future potential, especially when clever Phillies fans nickname him "Krotchman". Zing.

Hey kids, stay away from the cheatin' side of town.

• CAN the Marlins take another one at Shea? If so that race is going to be almost air tight between those two and the Phils.


• DO you know where WGN is on your TV dial? Find it, and watch Zambrano vs. Sheets.


• WILL the Twins pants the White Sox for a second straight evening and move within a 1/2 game of the lead?


• CAN Roy Halladay solve the problems he's been having with The Rays this year?

Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• Rich Lederer wants us to get excited about Rockies hurler Ubaldo Jimenez. I'm trying, Rich, but I think I used up all my excitement on Bert Blyleven. Baseball Analysts.
  
  
• Buzz Bissinger struggles with the concept of economics and would love to see the USA fall into a major depression, just so those fat cats get what's comin' to 'em. Squawking Baseball.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh have had some great celebrity run-ins while training in the USA, including having met 'the best pitcher in Major League'. No, not Charlie Sheen. They met Rendy (sic) Johnson! Million Dollar Arm Blog.
  
  
• Buck O'Neal? The copy editors in Kansas City must be on strike. Big League Stew.
  
  
• Goose Gossage hates hippies, hugging, holistic healing, and George Brett. Well, the last one's eminently hateable, so good for him. Machochip.
  
  
• Why pound cake is called pound cake. Cookthink.

I have a rule. Whenever a story starts out with the phrase, "An alcohol-fueled argument that started about baseball at a 2-year-old's birthday party ended with a 32-year-old White Sox fan losing his right eye," I'm going to read the rest of the story. Call me crazy, but a man's gotta have a code.

Yes, this past weekend in the bucolic Chicago suburb of Huntley, a Sox fan and Cubs fans got into it at a child's party and things got real ugly, real fast.

The men attacked Robert Steele of Gurnee about 10:45 p.m. July 19 at a party at Jerry Czapla's house in the 10900 block of Cape Cod Lane, Fulton said.

Steele's nose and orbital bone were broken and he lost his right eye in the attack after he was kicked in the face with a steel-toed boot.

Steele and his fiancée, April Bieze, said they went to the Abby Cadabby-Sesame Street-themed party that afternoon for Bieze's 2-year-old niece. Bob Czapla and the other men were drinking vodka and beer and started taunting Steele with claims that White Sox fans had missing teeth, Bieze said.

Sesame Street? Non-sensical vodka fueled taunts about dental acumen? I never get invited to the good parties. Mr. Steele is rather messed up. He needs to be fitted for a glass eye and will undergo months of physical therapy. Sounds to me like this Sox fan is getting a little taste of what it's like to be a Cubs pitcher.

Last week I read this Reader's Digest article about Sal Fasano (in the actual print edition!). It was all about him struggling in the minors and what a cool guy he was for never using steroids and how rad it was to be poor and the American Dream and zzzzzzzzzz....... Thing read like a Jeff Pearlman article. Oh.

Well, little did I know, he's in the majors right now. It makes the whole minor league struggle story a little less powerful, but good for him anyway.

The Indians did not bring in Fasano to spice up a team photo or for his wheels. They brought him for his experience -- the Tribe is his ninth major-league team since debuting with the Royals in 1996 -- and his reputation as a pro's pro, someone who knows how to be a stop-gap.

What they could not have anticipated is the instant connection made with one of their key components moving forward, left-hander Jeremy Sowers.

Before Fasano arrived, Sowers essentially had dropped his compass in the woods. Sowers was far from the form that made him a big hit late in the 2006 season.


Sowers had a notably horrendous start to the season but since Fasano has started catching him, he's given up just 11 hits in 22 innings. He credits Fasano for calling good games, and Fasano says he's just trying to "teach him to be a major leaguer and stay here for the next 10 years."

Aww... it's like a Papa Bear teaching a baby bear how to catch salmon. Maybe Fasano has more of a future than just minor league ballplayer. Maybe one day he can be a minor league instructor.

With just over 48 hours left before the trading deadline renders baseball teams nearly impotent to swap players without all that dreaded waiver malarkey, contending teams are scrambling to snatch up the big get of 2008: Atlanta Braves first basegentleman Mark Teixeira. Atlanta GM Frank Wren recently put his prize possession on the trading block after the Braves have pretty much crippled themselves out of contention. Heck, the Braves have more injured players than a MASH unit, so why not trade a productive first baseman on the brink of his inevitable career decline?

So who is going to pony up and win the Tex Sweepstakes?

• Los Angeles Angels: Casey Kotchman started off the year hot hot hot but is OPS'ing just .695 since May 1st. The Angels have an enormous lead in the West but are having trouble scoring runs on a regular basis, despite what Mike Scioscia says. They should make the trade but they won't because Tex isn't scrappy enough.
  
  
• Arizona Diamondbacks: Supposedly the frontrunner to get Mark, the D-Backs are trying to avoid trading young stud Conor Jackson. Arizona would be a lot better off trading Chad Tracy and a coupla prospects, but they still need to figure out a way to solve the Alex Romero/Chris Burke platoon in right field. Yuck.
  
  
• Tampa Bay Rays: Does anyone else get the feeling that the Rays think they are just a bunch of smug artists, creating their craft below the poverty line and sticking it to the man? No? Just me? Okay. Well their offense would be seriously upgraded penciling Tex into the first base slot, pushing Carlos Pena to DH and sending Cliff Floyd to the unemployment line. But these precious small-marketers feel their team's success is built on chemistry, so they probably won't make the move. Hey Tampa, you know what else was built on chemistry? Napalm.
  
  
• Los Angeles Dodgers: Tex is not enough of a gamer. No deal.
  
  
• Boston Red Sox: Think about the possibilities! The Sox could move Kevin Youkilis to left field and trade Manny Ramirez! Still, I think Boston is only being bandied about in these trade talks is to push the price up for other teams. Kinda like the time I won Billy Martin's set of scotch glasses on eBay for $4995.00 after George Steinbrenner made a bunch of fake bids to jack the price up.

So yeah, Mark Teixeira will be a Baltimore Oriole by day's end because he's homesick.

Pawtucket Red Sox reliever Lincoln Holdzkom has the control of a hyperglycemic toddler in a roomful of rock candy. The 26-year-old righty has twice lost a PawSox game on a wild pitch, but his latest transgression actually came on a strikeout. A walkoff strikeout. To two-time World Series winner Timo Perez:

    Toledo's Freddy Guzman scored from third on a wild pitch by Pawtucket reliever Lincoln Holdzkom with two outs in the bottom of the 12th inning. And here's the crazy part: The wild pitch was a curveball that the Hens' Timo Perez swung at and missed for Toledo's 17th strikeout of the game. By the time PawSox catcher Dusty Brown retrieved the wild pitch, Guzman had scored and Perez narrowly beat Brown's throw to first.

Wow, I thought a walkoff walk was bad, but a walkoff wild-pitch-on-third-strike-to-former-major-leaguer-named-Timo? Baseball players are always inventing new ways to fuck up. What's next? The walkoff-bad-throw-back-to-pitcher-by-catcher-with-the-yips? The walkoff-extra-ball-thrown-onto-field-by-fan-thus-confusing-Manny?

Heck, I didn't even know Timoniel M. Perez was still alive. Or that he won the Triple-A All Star Game MVP award last year! But yes, it's true, he won the World Series with the ChiSox in '05 and the Cards in '06. So to recap: Alex Rodriguez, Barry Bonds, Ernie Banks, Ted Williams: zero World Series rings. Timo Perez: two World Series rings.

(We owe a Diet Coke to Ian at Sox and Dawgs, who also linked us to video evidence of the WoK)

Here's what happened in baseball in the fields out behind the dynamo:

Indians 5, Tigers 0: Ol' HGH-usin', Jesus-praisin', pornography-lovin' Paul Byrd finally got his shit in gear just in time to shut out Detroit for eight innings. Hey, now the Indians are only fourteen games back! Thanks, Paul Byrd! Kelly Shoppach and Asdrubal Cabrera tater-totted off sad-sack loser Kenny Rogers. Could there possibly be a matchup of two pitchers I dislike less than these two chumps? Signs point to no, unless Orel Hershiser un-retires and Curt Schilling comes back from the dead.

Blue Jays 3, Rays 1: A.J. Burnett, who absolutely won't be traded, J.P. Ricciardi swears, gave up zero earned runs in seven innings, striking out 10 and picking up his career-high-matchin' twelfth win. No, no, believe me...he won't be traded. Stop calling Mr. Ricciardi immediately. You're wasting your rollover minutes. He will not be traded, ferreals. Matt Stairs, whom Ricciardi would absolutely trade if he got a better offer than "a box of Entenmann's cookies and a carton of goat milk", hit a two-run ding-dong.

Cardinals 12, Braves 3: If Atlanta's season hadn't ended this past weekend, it sure would have been over after this clusterfuck. Rookie hurler Charlie Morton was tagged for eight runs in three and two-thirds innings of 'pitching' in which he gave up 4 farts walks and 7 hits. Joe Mather singled, doubled, and totted to lead the Cardinal offense while Braden Looper was effective and mildly efficient, not unlike a low-budget Japanese sedan. Someone named Nick Stavinoha exists.

Hey kids, got any birch beer?

• DO I have to talk about the games I already talked about earlier today?


• WILL this Tigers road trip be the beginning of the end for their middling 2008? It starts tonight in Cleveland and is their longest of the season.


• WILL the Red Sox avenge their recent sweep against The Angels?


• CAN James Shields and Tampa stay above the fray above the border?

Thanks to The Fightins' for the above video of Dr. Shane Victorino.

Stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Oh no questions asked, same WoW time, same WoW channel.

Todd Jones addressed his demotion from the closer role to the Detroit News's Bob Wojowski and it's amazing. The big lug cried. And cried and cried and there was lip quivering and eye reddening and voice cracking and well, just read for yourself.

"I've been to the depths of everything emotionally, but this is just one of those things you have to go through, too," Jones said, his eyes reddening. "You know, you're born into the big leagues and then you're born a closer and then one day you're no longer trusted with the brunt of the load in the ninth inning. My day came -- what is it, July 27? -- so there's no spilled milk here."

Jones stopped and referenced Leyland, who always stood behind him but couldn't do it now.

"I mean, I love that guy," Jones said, his lip quivering, his voice cracking. Finally, he turned away.

Oh my god, I find his tears hilarious. No word if he'll be moving his Sporting News Blog over to LiveJournal. I think it's pretty great that a man who was once so macho as to vocalize staunch opposition to ever having a gay teammate, is witnessed with his "lip quivering." Old age softens even the most grizzled.

Slow clap, Bob Wojowski. You're doing god's work.

In honor of tonight's big showdown.

We've had some fun with Joe Maddon around here. We've made fun of his emo glasses, we've called him a yuppie, and I've said privately that he's probably really into arugula. I've never thought of the man as particularly intense, just kind of a hip baseball grandpa. But apparently he let down the cool guy facade and directed a minor tirade at his team this weekend.

For the first time in his three-season reign, Maddon ripped into his team, delivering a brief but pointed message. Several players said he was obviously "hot,'' another described him as "borderline irate - for Joe."

"It was something that really needed to be said,'' LHP Scott Kazmir said. "It really needed to be said.''

The fiery speech was brief, less than two minutes, but very much to the point.

Way to tear it up, Joseph. Since these things are usually held behind closed doors it's always tough to get a grasp on what was said, but Maddon tried to shed a little light on his state of mind.

"I've done it on an individual basis, and I still believe that's the right way to do it. But at some point it had to be done within the group, because you can lose a pennant by one game, and I've been there. Every game matters, every game counts, every play counts. The assumptionists of the world, I would like to eradicate. I want to eradicate assumptionism.''

Maddon's message was a reinforcement of what it is on the inspirational T-shirts he distributed earlier this season, that it takes nine players playing hard to nine innings to be one of the eight teams that make the playoffs. "9 = 8, or else we ain't going there,'' he said Sunday.

Someone either slipped something in his San Pellegrino or he's unprepared for success. That wasn't even English, Keith. That was like Esperanto or some language twins teach each other.

After a weekend of slugfests, the races in 5 out of 6 divisions are downright claustrophobic. Four of them, all 3 in the NL and the AL East, have a second place team that sits a single game out, and the Twins are only 2.5 out in the AL Central. The AL and NL east also have third place teams that are within 3 games of the top.

Will anything shake out this week? The ever mystical trade deadline approacheth and with so many horses still near the lead things could get a little hectic. Let's take a look at a few major matchups happening on the field from now until Sunday.

• Today through Thursday, White Sox at Twins: Minnesota took a big 2 out of 3 over the weekend in Cleveland to keep pace with Chicago. The Twins had been struggling away from home but held serve going back to the Metrodome where they've been dominant as of late. 19 of their next 25 divisional games are at home, so a strong showing this week could put them in strong position. The White Sox are swinging the bats well, averaging over 6 runs a game in their last 10. Jermaine Dye has homered in 3 straight.
  
  
• Today through Thursday, Cubs at Brewers: It's all about the Centrals this week, baby. This four game set pits the top two in the NL Central and features great starting pitching matchups in each game. Tonight CC Sabathia takes on Ted Lilly in what I'm dubbing "The Butter Belt Leftpocalypse." Tomorrow is Carlos Zambrano vs. Ben Sheets in a duel with so many fastballs you'll have white hot fire shooting out of your asshole. Wednesday is Ryan Dempster vs. Manny Parra and Thursday is Rich Harden vs. Dave Bush.


• Today through Wednesday, Mets at Marlins: The Mets hit the road for six games this week, starting in Dolphins Stadium. New York is hitting well and the Marlins are flailing at the plate. Nolasco, Olsen and Johnson start for the fish and they need quality out of all three.


• Thursday through Sunday, Diamondbacks at Dodgers: These teams spend the early part of the week playin