Another ASG Redemption Story But With Tax Shelters Instead Of Crack Houses

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gekko_kocx.jpgMost people have forgotten about the ill-fated umpire walkout of 1999. I haven't because the purge got rid of Ken Kaiser and I hated that guy. 57 umpires quit their job, then rescinded their resignations. 22 didn't get their jobs back. One has slipped back into the ranks and will be tonight's 2B ump in the All-Star game.

Umpire Tom Hallion will take another step in his recovery from a failed negotiating ploy that cost him his job when he trots to second base for tonight's All-Star Game. Hallion was one of the 22 umpires who lost their jobs in a labor dispute with Major League Baseball in 1999. He spent four years out of baseball -- becoming a financial adviser to make a living -- before winning a spot as a substitute umpire in 2005 and being fully reinstated last year.

Yes, while times were slow Hallion got his business degree and became a financial advisor. The stock market had once been a hobby, but now he's VP of Brokerage at Regions Financial Corp. I have no idea what that entails but it sounds fancy. He counts 25 umps among his clients, which sounds a little fishy but I'll let it slide. Friends, he's living his very unique dream.

"I said, `You know what, if I can't have baseball, I'm going to have the next best thing,''' said Hallion."

So remember kids, that's:

#1: Baseball
#2: Financial Advising

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Needs more pants-shitting

3. Plastics

Love those old AL and NL ump caps. They were really awesome if your name was AL and you routinely had trouble finding your cap.

Guess who isn't one of his clients? Eric Gregg. BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.

#4. Archery

Wish Cowboy Joe West was fired.

Every d-bag in Carlson School of Managment at U of MN when I went there thought they were Gorgon Gecko or at least wanted to be him.

#5: Lasers

#6: The Dark Knight

#7 Licking Brownie Batter Off The Mixing Spoon

#8: The Splendiferous Zeppelin Escapades of Filliam H. Muffman

#9: Cleavage

#9 Prescription Strength Crabs Shampoo

#9 Prescription Strength Crabs Shampoo

Apparently I'm very adamant about this subject.

#10: Receiving Mail

#11. Tacos

#11: Liveglogs


#13 Products.

#14: Food carts manned by people who barely speak English and who cook kick-ass food for super cheap.

#15: Tijuana

@ Farthammer

I thought he should go persue his movie career, but then realized Hollywood just typecasts him.

#16: DiscoveryHD

#17: Triplets

#18: Mountain air

#18: Financial Advising Classes

#19: Aids

#19: Comfort Soft T-shirts

#20: Commenting on Walkoff Walk

let's try that again:

#21: Demanding fruit carved in the shape of your loved one's body parts

um, #22: Learning how not to fuck up HTML

#23 Attractive joggers who apparently don't understand the concept of one-way mirrored windows.

That came off as far creepier than I meant it to.

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