Baseball Before Bedtime: Androgynous

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Here's what happened in baseball while overjoyed in this world:

Phillies 8, Nationals 5: Chase Utley's second homer in as many nights can mean just one thing: he has risen from the dead and will eat the brains of anyone who gets in his way. Yes, that means you, Tim Redding. The Phillies' offensive octet opened the door for Jamie Moyer to accumulate his 240th career win. Pat Burrell threw out Jesus Flores at second base in the sixth and was double-switched in favor of Jayson Werth in the seventh for defensive purposes. Wait, what?

Marlins 7, Mets 5: Josh Johnson's first win in two years can mean just one thing: he has risen from the dead and will eat the brains of anyone who gets in his way. Yes, that means you, David Wright (0-for-4, 1K). Johnson was one of the three stellar young arms on first year manager Joe Girardi's 2006 Florida team that ended up losing significant time to arm injuries (Anibal Sanchez and Ricky Nolasco being the others). In other words, watch the eff out, Joba Chamberlain. The Mets' loss pushes them a half game out of first in the NL East and just one game ahead of Manny Ramirez' future employer, the aforementioned Marlins.

Cardinals 7, Braves 2: Chris Carpenter's first four innings pitched in fifteen months can mean just one thing: he has risen from the dead and will eat the brains of anyone who gets in his way. Yes, that means you, entire Braves "offense". Casey Kotchman went 0-for-5 with four gentlemen left out in the pasture in his Atlanta debut while the rest of the Braves team could only amass two runs on eleven hits. HOW DO YOU LIVE LIKE TH...you get the point. Carp didn't get the decision, but the pride of Manchester, N.H. could care less...he's healthy! Mazel tov!


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8 Comments

The offense is so bad, Cox had his 8th hitter Corky 'The Retard' Miller bunt with 1 out, to bring up the pitcher with RISP.

Tex went 0-4 in his Angels debut. SOUNDS LIKE A FAIR TRADE TO ME

Ken Rosenthal reporting Griffey to White Sox.

@Donkey - just saw that.
Interesting move... and I like it.

The nice thing about the Indians is that when they lose a tough game like last night it doesn't really matter; they've already shitcanned the season.

Thanks for the heads up, Mr. Time.

@ Donkey Time

Do you have a cousin who goes by "punch"?

@Chief,
Punch Time? I don't get it.

@ PaleHos

What do you do when Kool Aid gets mad at you?

Jump inside of him.

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