Believe It Or Not: Brian Wilson Is Walking On Air

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brianwilson.jpgMy buddy Jesse Spector at Touching Base has a regular interview feature called Nine Innnings. This morning I read what is easily his oddest one yet. He interviewed WoW curiosity and All-Star Brian Wilson and well... there's some weird stuff there. It doesn't start off particularly well.

Touching Base: If you could trade places with anyone in baseball for one day, who would it be?

Brian Wilson: No one.

TB: Not at all?

BW: No. I wouldn't trade places with anyone, ever, in the world.

Hmm. Ok. Understandable answer but not really conducive to futher conversation. There are various other indignities like Wilson saying he doesn't watch sports but he likes the English soccer player "Michael Rooney." Alrighty then. Just when you think both you and Spector have wasted your time, well then. It happens. Wilson finally cracks.

Ordinarily, this would be the end of things, but Wilson told me that he'd think about the usual final question and to come ask him again another time. Since it was Tuesday when I did this interview, I came back before the Giants-Mets game on Thursday afternoon at Shea. When he saw me, he immediately said, "I've got something for ya!" I'm not sure I would believe what I heard if I didn't have it on tape.

BW: (I am the only player in MLB) to levitate.

TB: To levitate. How so?

BW: I can lift myself off the ground.

TB: Can you just do it?

BW: Yeah.

TB: Can I see you do it, or is it something you can only do by yourself?

BW: Yeah, it's not something I wanna do in the locker room.

TB: How do you do it?

BW: By using my brain powers.

TB: How far? How far off the ground do you get?

BW: About a foot and a half?

TB: Wow. Just magic?

BW: And I could be the only person in baseball with an IQ of over 150. We'll see, though. We could take an aptitude test or something.

TB: OK. There's some pretty smart guys in baseball.

BW: I'm sure there are. Can they do the USA (Today) crossword in less than a minute? I don't think so.

Well there you have it. Brian Wilson is like David Blaine but with less facial hair, more Christ lovin', and the same amount of self confidence in carrying himself like a creepy weirdo.

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“Hakunis a attruna donna”. That means “I'm not crazy anymore” in my made-up space language.

Him claiming to be able to do the crossword in under a minute is more ridiculous than claiming to levitate.

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do

Brian Wilson is like Criss Angel, but perhaps slightly more intelligent and way less faggy.

Can they do the USA (Today) crossword in less than a minute? I don't think so.

Hang on to your ego.

Jeez, pretty soon he'll be claiming to drive a Dodge Stratus.

What. A. Douchebag.

Or just crazy.

Or a crazy douchebag.

Either way, he sucks.

I... I think I got a contact high just from reading this.

I met him once when I was in college because I lived next to some buddies of his from high school.

Let's just say that nothing he's said in this interview has surprised me.

He's straight out his fuckin' mind!

"Drove downtown in the rain, 9:30 on a Tuesday night
Just to check out the late night record shop."

I wonder if he knows his name is an anagram for Brain Slowin.

TB: Do people ask you the Beach Boys question a lot?
BW: Yes.
TB: Are you sick of it?
BW: No, not at all. The guy’s talented, and probably one of the sickest bands ever formed, so it doesn’t bother me that much.


I wanna learn about Mexico.



I think he is actually saying that Brian Wilson is the sickest band ever.

One of Brian (from the Beach Boys) Wilson's ears is burning.

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