Clint Hurdle Hires Braves Trainer to Kill Off NL All Stars

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Buried in a non-newsy item about the Braves' travel plans to the All Star Game in New York City, beat writer David O'Brien writes this:

    Chipper was in the visitor's clubhouse, packed and ready to limo it to the airport to board a charter flight along with Brian McCann, McCann's wife Ashley, and Braves trainer Jeff "Bubba" Porter, who was picked to serve as NL trainer.

Of all the trainers on all the teams in the National League, manager Clint Hurdle grabbed Jeff Porter? The Braves trainer? Heck, the Braves 40-man roster page has more red crosses on it than an episode of M*A*S*H. Here's the list of the currently disabled:

  • Omar Infante (SS) - Strained left hamstring
  • Manny Acosta (RP) - Strained right hamstring
  • Rafael Soriano (RP) - Strained Virginia hamstring
  • Tom Glavine (SP) - Gout and alzheimers
  • Matt Diaz (LF) - Torn ligament
  • John Smoltz (SP) - Shoulder surgery
  • Mike Hampton (SP) - Wallaby rape

Perhaps Hurdle has devised a scheme wherein he brings in Porter to 'tend' to the NL All Stars with his 'special' methods of 'medicine', wink wink nudge nudge. Then, with all the National League's best players on the DL, Hurdle and his Rockies can ascend from 8.5 games back in the West and once again bring the power of Baby Jesus to the playoffs!

Either that or Clint just tends to hang out with folks named Bubba.


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13 Comments

more red crosses on it than an episode of M*A*S*H

Die-hard Walkoff Walk groupie that I am, I'm fairly certain that you've used this joke already. Recycling already?! We're halfway through the season!

Peter Moylan, the team leader in ERA last year also is out fo the year. Dr. Death got his icy hands on him.

FMA,

You think you've heard the last about Icarane shitting his pants?

What about Jeff Blauser? That guy hasn't seen the field in ages. What a butcher.

Porter was also responsible when Walt Weiss' son caught ecoli

Additionally, for 3 seasons, Porter made a habit of touching Mark Lemke "where he peed."

OMIGOD TWO MASH JOKES IN A FIVE MONTH SPAN

ALERT THE JOKE POLICE

WHEE-OOH-WHEE-OOH-WHEE-OOH

Icarane, shouldn't you be drinking in preparation for tonight's festivities?

I'm too busy imitating British police sirens.

I've said "MASH unit" at least 3 times in Creampuff. It's a commonly used term in sports.

Which you'd know, if you weren't a girl.

This wallaby rape is really getting out of hand.
Somebody better call in Steve Irwin for assistance.

/NOT too soon

wallaby rape is how Bindi was conceived.

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