Home Run Derby Preview & Tater Tot Contest Results

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Tonight is the Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium and I'll be live-glogging it here at Walkoff Walk while I keep ESPN on mute. Heck, they'll have 20 consarn cameras and some of that super slow-motion replay nonsense, so why do I need to listen to Chris Berman, Steve Phillips, and Joe Morgan blathering on incessantly? So cancel your dinner plans, put the kids in their cages, and set the DVR for No Reservations. Be here at 8PM, good readers, and follow along as I make snide remarks about the families of professional baseball players!

Here are your participants:

  • Lance Berkman (22 ding-dongs) - The switch-hitting Fat Elvis will allegedly be hitting from the right side of the plate to preserve his power stroke. I expect an early exit, followed by a trip to Mike's Deli for a meatball sub.
  • Ryan Braun (22) - Braun's agent (and former Mariners prospect) Nez Balelo will be his BP pitcher for the contest. Wait a minute...the baseball player is a Jew and the agent is named Nez? Braun will be out after Round 1.
  • Josh Hamilton (20) - This lefty slugger is going to simply abuse The Stadium's short porch. Why? Because he once won a Little League Home Run Derby, and presumably he wasn't jacked up on coke back then either. He'll make the finals.
  • Evan Longoria (16) - Kid's got just 16 career homers but with a sweet swing and opposite field power, he'll notch some decent tater tots. Still, he'll be out early.
  • Justin Morneau (14) - This left-handed schlub was asked at the last minute to participate in the Derby only after Jason Giambi politely declined an invitation. Yes, Morneau is only here because a non-All Star said no. He'll make the semis and then fizzle late like the Twins do every year.
  • Grady Sizemore (22) - He's the best centerfielder in the majors and his good eye and power swing will send him to the semi-finals.
  • Dan Uggla (23) - Dan's just happy to be here.
  • Chase Utley (25) - Mr. Tastykakes is going to start out slow and then heat up to win this event, because that's what Phillies do.

In other ding-dong news, we send congratulations to reader Piazza3931 who won our Pick Three Players Who Will Hit Many Home Runs contest. He (she?) chose Carlos Beltran, Ryan Howard, and Adam Dunn who combined for 32 ding-dongs since June 11th. Howard led all players with 13 tater tots in that span while Beltran's 9 and Dunn's 10 made them solid picks. Shame on reader Bill J for picking Pujols, Manny and Soriano who combined for 5 measly homers. Here's the final tally.

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Wow, I got crushed.

You'd think Bill James woulda been better at this contest.

You think Sizemore's going farther than Lance Berkman and his Bat Of Destiny? You sir are a retard.

The only thing Berkman beats Grady in is a hoagie eating contest.

"...put the kids in their cages..."

Wait, your supposed to let them OUT sometimes?

What about a wing eating contest?


Oh. I thought it was "Pick 3 Players Who Will Hit ANY Home Runs." Cause in that contest, I'm a winner 8 times over.

What about me? I had Delmon Young, Ryan Zimmerman, and Joey Gathright. No WAY that's not a winning ticket.

The best combo would have been Ryan Howard (13) plus two of the following:
Rick Ankiel (11)
Marcus Thames (11)
Grady Sizemore (11)
Jermaine Dye (11)

Piazza3931 was just short of perfection.

Thanks, Baseball Musings!

Yah, well... I drank more beer than this "Piazza3931" chap!

Also, No Reservations is awesome.

Shame on reader Bill J for picking Pujols, Manny and Soriano who combined for 5 measly homers.

Looks like BJ blew it. Zing!

Immediately after accepting his Home Run Derby trophy and keys to a new GM behemoth (it runs on ethanol!), Chase Utley will singlehandedly bust up an illegal Pomeranian breeding operation and deliver 20 cases of Utz chips to orphans.

It's gonna happen.

Thanks for having the competition. It's a He btw. It didnt take rocket science to take Dunn and Howard but my boy Tranny was a clutch pick. Marcus Thames was my next choice of course.

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