I Want to Be Red Sox Nation's Governor of New Jersey

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I think I just threw up in my mouth. The Boston Red Sox have taken this Red Sox Nation lark a little bit too far now. First, the team incorporated the 'nation' concept and solicited $250 memberships from Sox fans. Then, they elected this goofball to be their fucking president. Now, they're expanding upon the republican concept of an aggregation of states and electing governors:

The Boston Red Sox today announced the selection of the first-ever Governors of Red Sox Nation. One Governor was chosen from each of the six New England states. An outgrowth of the Red Sox Nation "Five-Point Plan" announced this past spring, the Governors program will aim to provide unique access for some of the most loyal Red Sox fans and collect valuable feedback from a diverse collection of Red Sox Nation citizens and members.

Well congratu-fucking-lations, Red Sox fans. You've fallen for the oldest marketing ploy in the books. The Nation received over 800 applications from the six states for the position of 'governor' and are now opening the competition up to the remaining 46 states (and Warshington D.C. too!) Good job becoming the world's dopiest focus group. Sorry, Red Sox fans, but the Red Sox corporation isn't as interested in your fandom and support as it is in your pocketbooks and kidneys in case Manny Ramirez needs one.

How much further will this go? Will the states soon be electing senators? Will congressional districts be created and gerrymandered to elect representatives? When will a third branch of gub'mint in Red Sox Nation be added to judge the constitutionality of laws like "Red Sox citizens must cheer for Kevin Millar in his first at-bat and then boo him in subsequent at-bats"? THIS IS ALL SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL!

Screw it, I think I'm going to apply to become Red Sox Nation's governor of New Jersey. Instead of filing out a proper application, though, I'm going to send in taint pics. Perhaps even my own taint.


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10 Comments

Right, because forming your own nation worked out very well for the South.

Yankees Fans: A Rebuttal

YOU'RE GIVING AWAY 20,000 FAKE MUSTACHES AT TODAY'S GAME EVEN THOUGH 90% OF YOUR FANS HAVE REAL ONES EVEN THE DAMES THE END


but yes, this is stupid too.

Red Sox Nation. Brought to you by Amway

I'm waiting for the day when Iracane somberly resigns from his post after banging a Yankees fan in a rest stop.

Hey! This constitution is written on the back of The Enquirer!

It's not hard to gerrymander when 99% of your constituents are white.

@Phony
The other 1% are adopted Asians

@Suss--: Or Darren!

I'm looking forward the official RSN Brownshirts.

If this means Massachusetts secedes from the US, then I fully support this concept.

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