Ichiro Tells N.L. All Stars He'll See Them Next Tuesday

| | Comments (9)
abomb.jpg

Yahoo! Sports' Jeff Passan has uncovered one of the secrets of the locker room and he was good enough to share it with us, the reader. Mariners outfielder Ichiro Suzuki knows how to say naughty words in English and uses them to soil the reputationpants of National League All Stars on a yearly basis:

   "Every year, after the AL manager addresses his team, Ichiro bursts from his locker, a bundle of kinetic energy, and proceeds, in English, to disparage the National League with an H-bomb of F-bombs, stunning first-timers who had no idea Ichiro speaks the queen's language fluently and making returnees happy that they had played well enough to see the pep talk again."

Whoa, whoa, slow down there Jeff...an H-bomb reference when talking about Ichiro Suzuki? I know it was 60 years ago and I know it was an A-bomb, but perhaps you could have chosen a different bon mot in your lede? And later on he quotes Miguel Tejada who wonders if Kosuke Fukudome will do the same thing for the National League. Migs, just because they're both Japanese doesn't mean they are both sick, perverted men who like to collect schoolgirl panties. Only one of them is.

Potentially tasteless jokes aside, I take severe pleasure in knowing that Ichiro is a foul-mouthed sonofabitch who does not shy away from busting down walls between cultures and breaking the ice between veterans and rookies. Passan claims that Ichiro's blue pep talks have helped the AL win all seven (make that eight) All Star Games he has participated in. I just wonder, does Ichiro call Billy Wagner a cunt every year, or is that just me?


PREVIOUS: Gary Carter Is A Bitch   |   NEXT: Village People Reunite Somewhere Other than Fire Island

9 Comments

"Miguel Tejada who wonders if Kosuke Fukudome will do the same thing for the National League

That's funny because Fukudome was wondering if all the Dominican's on the AL team lie about their age and use steriods.

Apparently you can't say "tentacle" in a Yahoo! Sports column. Didn't know that.

Another example of Ichiro being loved by so many, but understood by so few.

A full transcript of Ichiro's speech has just been released:
"With a little perserverence you can get things down
Without the blind adherence that has conquered some
And nobody wants to know you now
And nobody wants to show you how
So if you're lost and on your own
You can never surrender
And if your path won't lead you home
You can never surrender
And when the night is cold and dark
You can see, you can see light
Cause no-one can take away your right
To fight and never surrender, to never surrender"

What's the Japanese phrase for "I suck and Grady should be starting, not me"?

Oh, thanks Glen Beck's Taint. Now I'll have THAT song stuck in my head all day.

Seriously - thanks! Before that I had "Hero" by Mariah Carey rattling around up there. It was horrible.

Oh, thanks Glen Beck's Taint. Now I'll have THAT song stuck in my head all day.

Seriously - thanks! Before that I had "Hero" by Mariah Carey rattling around up there. It was horrible.

umm... oopsie!

I would pay $5 to hear this every year.

Leave a comment