Jonathan Papelbon Reluctantly Agrees With 99.999% of World

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Red Sox closer and dancing white person Jonathan Papelbon made some waves at the pre-All Star game interview session by openly questioning the certitude that the AL's manager Terry Francona would finger Mariano Rivera in the ninth inning of the ASG. Here's video proof from our pal 'Duk at Big League Stew:

Whoops! It's not 'cut and dry' that Francona will go with the best closer in the history of baseball? Really, Jonny Paps? Really?

I guess he saw the error of his ways after the media session was over; he pulled aside a Boston beat writer to make some additional comments. As reported by Gordon Edes at the Boston Globe:

Papelbon took the reporter's tape recorder, held it to his mouth like a microphone, and said: "This is Jonathan Papelbon, closer of the Boston Red Sox. Mariano Rivera will be closing the 2008 All-Star Game in Yankee Stadium. "I'm making a statement right now, saying I don't want it, I want him to have it. I said all that earlier, but that's the way I feel about it.''

That's better, friendo. I can't see a reason not to bring in Rivera in the ninth inning, regardless of the score or the team ahead. Rivera is one of those Yankees that most fans enjoy and respect despite their own team allegiance. Just like Jose Molina. Nobody hates the Molinas.

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the best closer in the history of baseball

But Eck has polio!

Why is it that baseball players almost always look stupid when wearing street clothes? It's probably just me.

Wow, he's even douchier than the rest of Boston. That's saying something.

Yadier Molina raped my mother, that lovable scamp.

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