La Belle Dame Sans Merci: Today's Afternoon Games

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  • 12:35, Padres at Reds: This is the first of a slate of NINE afternoon games today. Getaway day indeed. It's Greg Maddux vs. Bronson Arroyo. CAN YOU SMELL THE OFFSPEED STUFF?

  • 12:40, Oakland at Tampa Bay: The A's 8-1 victory last night briefly stopped their slide back into irrelevance. Hitters are starting to catch up to today's starter Greg Smith. Smith had a solid opening to his rookie campaign but has been getting shelled as of late, giving up 6 runs in 3+ against the Yanks in his last start. Tampa Bay counters with James Shields and Manatee Encounter.


  • 1:05, Twins at Yankees: The Twins try desperately not to get shoved in the broom closet by another AL East team. Robinson Cano and Bobby Abreu have been smacking the ball around, but then again they haven't faced GLEN PERKINS. His name cracks me up. Would you like to hear the most Glen Perkinsest quote ever? How about this gem: "It's just being able to help the team and get the team wins is what I'm trying to do and that's why I've been successful as a starter so far." Oh, Glen you card! Mike Mussina goes for the Yanks.

  • 2:05, Pittsburgh at Houston: LET THE RANDY WOLF ERA BEGIN. Well he's not pitching or anything yet, but maybe he'll be in the clubhouse playing cards. Brian Moehler actually gets the start for the Astros while the Pirates send out Ian Snell with a broom. Snell has been getting murdered on the road this year, so he should enjoy a pitcher's park like Minute Maid. THIS IS UNTRUE.

  • 2:05, Rangers at White Sox: These two have traded blowouts in the series and today's rubber match pits goofball Kevin Millwood against rookie Clayton Richard. Clayton started the future stars game at the ASG (anyone blog that?), and makes his major league debut today. Jermaine Dye is back, jack.

  • 2:10, Tigers at Royals: The Royals have been outscored 26-5 in the first two games of this series. I'm worried that another blowout could result not in a sweep, but a broom handle up Trey Hillman's ass. Weren't the Royals supposed to be better? Who the hell wrote that? Armando Galarraga gets the start for Detroit against Zach Grienke Pants.

  • 3:05, Dodgers at Rockies: I was all excited to watch these two go at it on my Extra Innings free preview last night, but two things conspired against me. They had the Colorado announcers instead of Vin Scully. The FCC needs to take action there. When Scully is doing a game you should show his broadcast. By law. Also, Clayton Kershaw got shelled. Colorado has also scored 26 runs in the first two games of this series. Put that number in your Megabucks ticket tonight. Hiroki Kuroda will try and slow them down as he takes on Glendon Rusch. Remember when he was on the same Mets staff as Shawn T. Estes? Glory days, I tell ya.

  • 3:35, Indians at Angels: LAFFEY VS. LACKEY! Someone call Cousin Larry. The similarites end at their names. Lackey had a strong outing in the first game of last week's Red Sox sweep. Laffey on the other hand, gave up 8 runs in 3.2 against The Mariners. Bwaahhahaha. He sucks. This game is rubbery.

  • 4:40, Red Sox at Mariners: The Sox haven't swept a road series in 11 months, but they've got Seattle's ass in the dustpan. Unfortunately for them, they're tossing out the struggling Clay Buchholz against King Felix. Jon Lester and Daisuke Matsuzaka have rolled through the M's lineup this week, so this could be a good confidence boost for Ears. The Mariners: Baby's First Lineup!
Unfortunately, Mr. Iracane has prior engagements and will not be glogging today. But we can all chip in with free for all updates here in the comments. Make me proud, people.

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17 Comments

The two earlier games have started. That's all I have got

Emil Brown and Carlos Gonzalez have solo tater tots off of Shields.

Cano with another hit.

Iracane has prior engagements, you say? What's wrong, can't spell "court ordered anger management counseling"?

I think they're redoing the bathroom tile at deadspin.

Forecast in Cincinatti calls for fastballs reaching in the mid to hug 60 with a 90 percent chance of ripped tits.

9 could stand to lose a few.

The National Anthem was sung before each ballgame now in action. There was also mention of something called a "first pitch" being thrown out.

THE HOME RUNS BY OAKLAND'S EMIL BROWN AND CARLOS GONZALEZ IN THE SECOND INNING WERE HIT BACK-TO-BACK.

THE HOME RUNS BY TAMPA BAY'S JONNY GOMES AND BEN ZOBRIST IN THE FIFTH INNING WERE HIT BACK-TO-BACK.

It's a back-to-back jack day in St. Petersburg. No peeking.

So what's everyone doing with their glog-free afternoons? I am starting a charity fund to hire a third writer for WoW so that we are not subject to Iracane's whimsy.

@honeynut

Make sure you throw in enough for XM radio in the new guy's cubical.

Yankees up 2-0 in the 5th thanks to the speedy (stole that from Rob) Justin Christian

I'm willing to do it for $13K/year and one bag of Fritos per week.

@CTC
I only budgeted in enough for the new MLB app for the iPhone. The new guy (or gal) must be apple-friendly.

Armando Gallaraga is perfect through 6 (6Ks; only 54 pitches). But would it really count against KC?

Quick update on Detroit/KC:

royalscanthitbecausetheyswingateverythingalsothatswhytheycantwalksoim notsurprisedtheresaperfectgamegodihatemyteamthxkbai

Never mind.

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