Our Bid Was Not Accepted: Who Is Going To Buy The Cubs?

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brewster.jpgLast week was the deadline to submit your bids for the Chicago Cubs. I hope your paperwork was legible. The team is being auctioned off with "related assets" and is expected to fetch around $1B. One of the related assets is ol' Wrigley Field. Bidders are allowed to submit offers for any combination of the assets. Right now there are about 10 formal bids on asset packages that include the team, and over two dozen bids for packages that include the stadium.

So who is in the running to own the North side squad and adopt their sad sack fans? Let's take a look:

(Andrew) Murstein, a New York City taxi tycoon, said in a telephone interview that his group, which includes former baseball home run king Henry Aaron and former Republican vice presidential candidate Jack Kemp, submitted a bid for all three assets, as well as one for just the team and TV network stake.

Also expected to submit bids for the Cubs are John Canning Jr., chairman of Chicago-based private equity firm Madison Dearborn Partners; Internet billionaire Mark Cuban, owner of the National Basketball Association Dallas Mavericks; and the family of Joe Ricketts, the founder of Omaha, Nebraska-based TD Ameritrade Holding Corp. Other expected bidders include a group headed by Michael Tokarz, chairman of Purchase, New York-based MVC Capital Inc; Don Levin, owner of the Chicago Wolves minor league hockey team; Rocco Landesman, president of Jujamcyn Theaters, which owns several Broadway theaters; and a group that includes Leo Hindery, who runs private equity firm InterMedia Partners and previously ran Yes Network, the TV channel of the New York Yankees baseball team, and AT&T Broadband.

Two other groups that have not been identified include hedge fund investors.

Of course there are pros and cons to all of these bids. If TD Ameritrade wins, the team could be managed by this guy. If a Broadway theatre group wins we could see Carlos Zambrano being played by character actor Mandy Patinkin.

Most intriguingly and also nevergonnahappen is the bid from Cuban. In a rare move of restraint, Cuban has been quiet about his bid, no doubt in effort to impress baseball's old boy owner's club. Methinks it's a little too late for that, but we can all hope anyway.

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Murstein is the king of all douches. Guy inherits a fortune and talks like he earned it. I can't even read his name without spitting on the floor.

wait!!....Brewster didn't put in a bid!?!



Yeah when someone doesn't object to being referred to as a "tycoon" I'm going to have some objections.

I want John Candy's gold catcher mask-necklace.

CTC, too busy to look it up, but there was a feature on him in Page Six Magazine a few weeks ago. Ms. Wahoo had to hold me down and pour whiskey down my throat to calm me. I don't begrudge anyone for being born into money but don't tell me you're particularly smart just because you won the sperm lottery.

Hammerin' Hank? What in the heck man.

@ Farthammer

I've got it!! I'll mail it to you using this stupid upside-down plane stamp I've got.

Rocco Landesman, on the other hand, is a cool dude.

Grunter, great call. I need to hire you to design me the room I want to die in.

Winning the sperm lottery doesn't sound like anything to brag about. Who wants a lottery full of sperm? Yuck.


The other two anonymous bidders are tycoons Scrooge McDuck and Flintheart Glomgold. I heard McDuck might even empty his giant silo of gold coins just to pay for it.

(McDuck's gold has already been set to be delivered by Launchpad. I'm sure that will go well and no hijinks in Morocco or Australia or, like, Atlantis will ensue.)

Mark Cuban should clearly stick to his roots and put in a bid for the Florida Marlins. Having a Mango's inside the ballpark could really help attendance down there.

To round out this horrible joke, Mark Polish should buy the Cubs.

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