Walter, What's A Pederast: Today In New Jersey High School Sports

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jail.jpgIn the lovely burgh of Belmar, New Jersey, St. Rose High School Baseball Coach Bartholomew McInerney is in a bit of hot water. Seems the ol' ballcoach has been encouraging his players to choke up. On their privates. Then text him about it. Shudder.

The Spring Lake Heights resident is accused of offering to pay male students, ranging in age from 15 to 17, for performing sexual acts on themselves and encouraging them to send him text messages describing the act.

"In some the cases the boys were actually paid on numerous occasions for their messages,'' Gerhardt said.

Oh, come on. There's gotta be an explanation for this. Since when have coaches ever taken advantage of the boys and girls they're charged with leading? They're upstanding beacons of heterosexuality. Right attorney, Charles Uliano?

"There are health teachers who do that every day in school where they talk about various forms of sexuality,'' he said. But he said his client did not break the law. "Bart McInerney is a good man,'' Uliano said after court. "He did not violate the law and he's not guilty of these charges."

Oh, of course. He just wanted to talk to them about their health. These kids are lucky to have someone that cares so much. To me the more pressing question is how did someone named Bartholomew McInerney build a time machine to escape from the Wild West and commit these crimes here in 2008?

Well whatever happens with old Bart, I'm sure he'll be waaay into this new Topps card featuring a topless David Ortiz as a baby.

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Ah, Belmar. The town that taught me to ride a bicycle to avoid DWI checkpoints yet provided no defense against a case of crabs.

If newspaper circulation wasn't down these kids could have earned money from their paper routes, rather than beating off for cash.

on the flip side, 15-17 year olds are jacking off a lot, might as well get paid for it.

You just ruined my Jersey Shore memories, Chief.

Someone's bucking for a promotion; probably that pederass Hannahan.

encouraging them to send him text messages describing the act

What, no videos or pics, Bart? This isn't 2003, man. If you're gonna perv, be high-tech about it.

paid to masterbate? that's a summer job i wish i had!!


Especially since you're an idiot who's unhireable in any other capacity.

Holy shit. Take that!


Have a bad experience with a bicycle?


Why...I...oughta.....go masterbate!

Full disclosure: Mr. Ufford at With Leather did this story way back in November.

If you can't spell mastUrbate correctly, then use a term you can, like choking the chicken.

It's a different story. I think With Leather covered the first two acts of child endangerment covered in this article.

CTC, you truly are a Master Baiter. But not a masturbator.

I guess my unpaid lunches don't have to be unpaid anymore.

Somewhere, Felix Pie has a story to tell. think after all these years...I've been doing it wrong.


That's right, Coach just wanted to talk about their health.

Their thick, hard, throbbing, veiny health.

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