Baseball Before Bedtime: Fich'le Camp Jack

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Here's what happened in baseball quand vraiment je n'aime pas que tu parles comme ├ža:

Giants 5, Dodgers 4: One of four walkoff wins on the day, this one was a come-from-behinder for San Fran. Down 4-3, the men in orange and black rallied for two ninth inning runs off Hong-Chih Kuo in his first ever MLB save try. Yeah, it's been a rough go of it for Joe Torre since closer Takashi Saito went down. He's gone through Saito, Chan Ho Park, Hong-Chih Kuo, Jiang Yuyuan, and Dat Phan in the fireman role to limited success. Other walkoff wieners: Angels, Brew Crew, and Royals.

Padres 16, Rockies 7: One of three teams to notch 13+ runs on the day, the Padres collected four ding-dongs including one from Brian Giles. The San Diego Tan King went 4-for-4 with four runs and four Raul B. Ibanezes, ruining Livan Hernandez' return to the Senior Circuit. Actually, the person who ruined Livan Hernandez' return to the NL was GM Dan O'Dowd. Nice million-dollar waiver claim, dope. Other supertriskadekaphiliacs on the day: Rangers and Astros.

Rays 11, Mariners 3: Tampa Bay won 71 games for the first time (not all in one night, that would be a record), handing Seattle its 73rd loss on the year. Walkoff Walk favorite Rocco Baldelli returned to the starting lineup and picked up an RBI while hitting in the cleanup spot, Wee Willy Aybar tater-totted twice, and starter Edwin Jackson induced two giddyups among his ten ground ball outs. Every other AL East team lost, so get bent.

Phillies 6, Pirates 3: Tastykakes endorser and erstwhile baseball superstar Chase Utley had his first home dong in over a month and twelfth man Greg Dobbs broke a Phillies club record for pinch hits in a season with his 21st. Phils sold out their 40th game at CBP and moved two games ahead of the Mets, who lost to the Marlins.

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The tribe is on a hot streak, heading back to their rightful spot atop the AL Central.

I'd call Rocco much more of a Lloyd The Barber favorite. He's been on his jock forever.

Plus, he can't be one of my favorites because he's Italian.

I was rooting for the mitochondria.

How do I turn the French off?

How much longer will it be before the Sports Media Illuminati starts injecting other Rays with the alien mitochondria provided by the cigarette smoking man? I can't make it through August and September without the usual over-zealous, the-fate-of-the-world-hangs-in-the-balance hype of Sox versus Yankees, and these fucking Rays are screwing it up. If they take the division, it would be like Shaggy turning Daphne and Velma into his sex slaves - everything is out of whack, and the world is overwhelmed by counterfeiters and their fake ghosts.

Yeah...what he said.

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