Cubs 9, Marlins 2: Ryan Dempster beat his old team as his Cubbies clobbered four doubles in the seventh to topple Chris Volstad. Four doubles? Sounds like Chicago accomplished the vaunted Tetra Twix. Milwaukee and St. Louis both lost their games and lost ground in the NL Central arms race.
White Sox 13, A's 1: Carlos Quentin and Alexei Ramirez both came home with 4 RBI and their respective mommas taped them to the refrigerator door. Because they ran out of souvenir magnets from their trips to Disney World. Javy Vazquez helped keep Chicago tied with Minnesota, who beat Seattle.
Indians 4, Angels: Hey, Cleveland took two of three from Anaheim. Dear Tribe, keep winning two of every three games and you'll hit .500 sometime in December.
Yankees 15, Royals 6: Mike Mussina won his 16th, putting him perfectly on pace to win at least 18 games for the sixth time in his career. But hey, he never won 20 games so fucking forget the hall of fame, right? Yeah, so what if he has as many wins as Bob Feller and more wins than Bob Gibson, Juan Marichal, or Mordecai Three-Penis Brown. Never won twenty? Fuck you, pay me. In other AL East news, Alex Rios collected his own personal Tetra Twix to lead the Blue Jays to a rout over the Red Sox.
Astros 3, Diamondbacks 0: Ty Wigginton's first inning three-run ding-dong provided the only scoring for Roy Oswalt's Houston squadron. No worries, Roy pitched 8 innings of one-hit, ten-strikeout ball on the day that the 'Stros retired Seton Hall's alum Craig Biggio's number seven jersey.