Cruel and Unusual Punishment

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workersunite.jpgIf you are working on this fine & final long weekend of the summer, you should consider filing suit with your employer. The inability to get to the ballpark, or listen to these games on the radio while you grill meat and/or meat substitutes is a crime. A crime I say!

One for the history books: Yankee Stadium will be at its most resplendent today, playing host to a duel for the ages, Darrel Rasner against John Parrish. I get chills just thinking about the long men taking over for these two gladiators after 4 innings. David Eckstein gets what could be his final start in a Blue Jay uniform, as rumours swirl of him moving to Anaheim or even Arizona. Scrappy white guys everywhere shed a tear.

Fox blew their budget on that new Jerry O'Connell vehicle: That is the only explanation for threatening to broadcast the Mariners and Indians across the nation. Cooler heads have prevailed, so most folks will see the Phillies and the Cubs. America's Shining Star Brett Myers takes on Theodore Roosevelt Lily. The Rockets Red Glare indeed. The Rays get more national love, facing the Orioles at home on the big TV channel. I hope Fox employs Chinese government slaves seat fillers to make the Trop look almost half-full.

Throwdown when the Sun go down: What better way to spend your evening then taking in a pivotal NL West showdown? Things don't get any easier for the Dodgers, facing a growing deficit and Danny Haren tonight. Chad Billingsley will do his part for Dem Bums. The Mets and Fish send two surprising studs of their respective rotations, as good friend to children Mike Pelfrey takes on childishly named Ricky Nolasco. I'll give you a shiny dime if you predicted these two guys would be going head-to-head in a relatively large series. My doppelganger Mark Buehrle tries to stave off the charging Twins, leading his Pale Hose against something called Michael Bowden and the Red Sox. In the grand Red Sox tradition, he will be nearly unhittable in his big league debut, prompting the Sons of Sam Horn to curse every subsequent start he makes as "not good enough."

If you aren't out enjoying one of these games at your local ballpark/backyard/seedy tavern, I have no hope for our world. Some of these games will go a long way in determining who gets the dreaded WoW funeral on Tuesday. Be afraid Scully.

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Michael Bowden sounds like a dude that would have fronted BeatKill a British synth band in '82.

Somewhere between Buchholz and Lester, lies he, says I.

Attn: middle relief scumbags. Please throw strikes. Worst. Now I'm forced into taking a picture with a Yankee Hat on, beside a sign saying "Derek Jeter is now an underrated Shortstop"

Lloyd - how's the arm feeling? You good for at least 7 innings tonight?

Good news, y'all. My Yankee seats are actually staying exactly the same price when we move to the new ballpark. Funny that I'm so excited about paying $50 to see a baseball game.

Bad news, y'all. Robinson Cano lacks fundamentals.

For anyone who wants an update on the Royals/Pirates mess we talked about earlier this week, here it is at Baseball Prospectus: Unfiltered.

Long story short: Scott Boras got schnookered.

My name is Corey Hart, and I hit a homer right after the announces for FSN Wisconsin say that I'm overdue for my 20th homer of the season (giving my second straight 20-20 season).

In other news, Suppan still can pitch Rob.

Palehose, I'm more of a back of the bullpen kinda guy.

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