Dodgers Invert Pockets and Lint Falls Out

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The Los Angeles Dodgers made some great trades to improve their team before and after the ol' deadline, but the one move they didn't make may prove to clinch second place in the NL West. As per smarmy midget Ken Rosenthal of FOX Sports, Dodgers GM Ned Colletti could have and should have put in a waiver claim for former Red and current Diamondback OF Adam Dunn:

At the time the Reds put Dunn on waivers, the Dodgers had a worse record than the D'backs, giving them priority in the claiming process. Yet, the Dodgers failed to place a claim on Dunn, awarding a "Get out of jail free" card to the Diamondbacks' sagging offense... The only plausible explanation is that the Dodgers feared getting stuck with Dunn's remaining salary -- about $3.5 million.

Really? A team with a $118 million payroll didn't want to risk absorbing three and a half mil to block their rival from adding the league leader in ding-dongs? How pissed off must Dodgers owner Frank McCourt be after ol' Neddy burned a massive amount of dough on noted busts Jason Schmidt ($47 mil), Andruw Jones ($36 mil) and Juan Pierre ($44 mil)?

How poor are the Dodgers? The Dodgers are so poor, they had to trade away all their prospects to pull in Casey Blake, Greg Maddux, and Manny Ramirez. Their farm system consists of a few lifetime minor leaguers, a dozen goats, and a tumbleweed now, while their money set aside for free agent signings in 2009 is basically a sheet of food stamps and seventeen pesos. Three and a half million dollars is all they needed to block Dunn! Couldn't they have borrowed that from Tommy Lasorda's stripper-and-calamari fund? Or gotten a loan from noted Dodger fan-cum-groupie Alyssa Milano and her shitty clothing line?

By the way, Dunn hit a tater tot to lead the Diamondbacks to victory last night, while the Dodgers lost a game that saw Tanyon Sturtze's dramatic comeback to the bullpen. Advantage: Arizoner.

(We owe thirty cases of RC Cola to Baseball Primer Newsblog)

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Colletti spent all their money on snakeskin boots and veteran grit futures.

1) I like cum-groupies.

2) Those goats give you a professional at-bat every time. Joe Torre has asked repeatedly to have them called up.

3) I agree, the one thing the Dodgers really needed was running the risk of getting ANOTHER outfielder. Also, this is Ned Colletti. He's one of those "Adam Dunn? HAHAHAHAHAHA! HE WON'T HELP THEM! HE'S BATTING .233!" fellows.

Wait, Frank McCourt owns the Dodgers? Next you're going to tell me Augusten Burroughs owns the Royals.

Vin Scully would weigh in on the subject if it were not for his fear of Jeff Kent dislodgin his jaw with a shattered maple bat.

Come on. Andrum Jones could break out of that slump at an... Bwahahahahaha.
Damn. Almost made it through that.


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