Got Advice For Charlie Manuel? The Phone Lines Are Open

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It's no secret that the Phillies' offense has been just short of impotent over the past two months, and manager Charlie Manuel is about as flummoxed as an old fart can be. The Phils sport a .236 team batting average and a .314 on-base percentage since June 13th as they've fallen two games behind the Mets in the NL East. Surprisingly, the Phillies starting rotation and bullpen have been absolutely remarkable; the starters have the sixth best ERA in the NL and the relievers have the 2nd best, lagging only the Dodgers. Still, they can't expect to win every 2-1 game on a regular basis like they did yesterday against the Padres.

So what is Uncle Cholly to do? Solicit advice from the masses, that's what:

"I'm puzzled. I stay up late at night thinking about how we can get our offense going," Manuel said, before his team beat San Diego, 2-1, at PETCO Park on Sunday. "I'll listen to what anybody's got to say. Fans. Cab drivers. President Bush, anybody."

You heard the man, cab drivers of America, and I know you all read Walkoff Walk while buzzing around Philadelphia in your taxis. The man asked for your advice so you better give it to him. Please feel free to contact Charlie Manuel at his home phone number (215-555-JOWLS), his email address ( or simply over the facsimile telegraph machine.

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"Why don't you just TELL ME the name of the movie you'd like to see."

Sack Lunch! Or how about Chunnel?

You think they got shrunk down, or is it just a giant sack?


Here's some advice,
Talk a long walk off a short pier.

Everybody out of the Chunnel! Everybody out! The Chunnel's gonna blow!

Also effective in communicating ideas to Cholly: Moon Pies stuffed with fortune cookie notes.

W suggested adding more Texas Rangers to his lineup.

Well, it's a good thing us Phillies fans are so demure and patient, or else we might be forced to voice our disapproval.

Side note: aside from a couple nice efforts against the Priests, the Philly bullpen has been ulcer-inducing as of late. Stats shmats, the 'pen lost 3 games in 7 days.

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