Pittsburgh Pirates Prognostication Proves Poorly Postulated

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Last week, I made a series of predictions regarding the direction GM Neal Huntington and his Pittsburgh Pirates would take with the approaching trade deadline. I am here to report that I nailed exactly two of six predictions, and one of them involved a player who stayed put and was not even mentioned in trade rumors. That's like making a prediction that "No, in fact Albert Pujols will not be traded before the deadline." Brilliant!

Here's my scorecard:

  • Damaso Marte: I predicted he'd be a Met, he's now a Yankee. FAIL
  • John Grabow: I predicted he'd be a Ray, he's still a Pirate. FAIL
  • Jack Wilson: I predicted he'd stay a Pirate, and he still is! WHEE
  • Xavier Nady: I predicted he'd be a Met, he's now a Yankee. FAIL
  • Jason Bay: I predicted he'd stay a Pirate, he's now a Red Sock. FAIL
  • Freddy Sanchez: I predicted he'd stay a Pirate and he still is because who'd want him? WHEE

Kudos to GM Neal for making some good, solid, future-building trades. Andy La Roche can and should be immediately handed the third base job and the team should bring up Andrew McCutchen to roam centerfield at PNC park. Heck, they could even let CTC favorite Craig Hansen be the consarned closer, what with the injury to Matt Capps. I give Huntington a B+ for making the moves necessary to restock the Pirates farm system, and I give myself an F minus for shitting the bed on those ill-conceived bets.

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10 years ago when I was in college I predicted that I would me a millionaire in 10 years. FAIL

Just in case people aren't picking up the sarcasm, I hate Craig Hansen's pitching.

Just wanted to make that clear.

A running joke between a buddy and me is that we should have just started sending Hansen applications to work at various department stores, seeing as he was as qualified to sell perfume and haberdashery to aging women as he was to provide solid middle relief.


Explaining a joke like that will get you banned on other websites.

Just to be clear, I'm making a joke about your co-editor.

You're just doing this to impress Gregggggggggg Easterbrook

Sooo you picked "overpriced" and "undertalented" to stay in Pitt?

Good work on the no brainers.

The other's...not so easy to pick (to be fair).

You're 2-for-6. That's a good batting average. Now just cut down on those strikeouts and stop wetting the bed and you'll be an All-Star in no time.

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