Shout at the Devil

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dead kid.jpgBe very afraid. The Rays are on national TV the same day we see the return of Carl Pavano. Nothing makes sense, my entire belief system crumbles. If today is truly Z-Day, I'll try not to act too excited.

Games powered by the Sun's final light: Another sure sign that this is the end: Barry Zito! He leads his Giants in a West Coast day game, the futilely overmatched Padres send a guy named Dirk out for his big league debut. The Jays and Sox hook up again in front of thousands of vacationing New Englanders. The Nats look to get back to their losing ways, sending the perennially putrid Odalis Perez against Ol'Flippy Glove.

We now go live to Joe Buck reporting from the Lake of Fire Before they were in the end of days business, Fox picked out a solid game for today. The Dodgers and Phillies have post-season aspirations, so they send some of their best in the form of young studs Cole Hamels & Clayton Kershaw to the Bank bump,. The Braves-Cards game isn't inspiring a lot of excitement, hopefully there will be scoring oddities that will send my scurrying for my rulebook. The Rays and White Sox give us a legit duel: Kazmir versus Vasquez. Expect lots of Ks and lots of pitches. Sadly for Fox, Vasquez is right handed, meaning the nation will be deprived of the sublime joy that is Rocco Baldelli. We're all worse for it.

Fend off a zombie, win a large bag of peanuts! If the Earth isn't scorched from the Rays destroying the suck/time continuum, Carl Pavano will be there to ensure you're feasting on the flesh of the living by midnight. Jeremy Guthrie will offer the surprisingly solid opposition for the O's. Tonight's finest duel features two fifteen game winners; Edinson Volquez and Aaron Cook. At Coors Field. We are really stretching the word duel to unseen distances here. Brandon McCarthy makes his first start for the Rangers, having been Creampuffed all year long. His return coupled with Hank Blalock playing first should do nothing to stem the tatertide in Texas. Clandestine stud Chris Volstad will do his best to keep the Fish in the hunt, while Little Manny goes for the Snakes.

That's me for today. It's been nice knowing ya, remember that a table leg makes a great baseball bat for defending your home from the mindless hordes. If you see me turning into a zombie, don't stop me! Let me have my fun.

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7 Comments

Cards v. Braves. Are you freaking kidding me?
At least I won't have to listed to Skip Caray call the game.

/too soon?

I love the inclusion of "creampuffed" as a verb. Or is that usage defined as some type of grammar word I do not know about?

We fucking got Dodgers Phillies on FOX here in the NYC metro area. This pleases me to no end.

If Rupert Murdoch has his way, they'll have Dodger games on FOX in Tanzania and Siberia.

I guess Lester was due for a correction.

FYI, Yaz came through surgery ok.

Carl Pavano is more human than man!

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