The Saturday Morning Post: Cracked Eggs, Dead Birds

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three fried eggs.jpgLast night; baseball was played and you tried to stay up for it all. Sadly you faded out again.

Twins 12, A's 2: The Twins banged out 20 hits (5 from Mauer and 4 from Morneau) in the comprehensive housing of the A's. Jack Cust managed to unclog the bases for a few minutes, but the inability to stop the Twins sneaky attack means they are just a half game back of the White Sox. The Indians welcomed Victor Martinez back just in time to see their winning streak finally came to an end. At the hands of the mighty Mariners, no less! Felix Hernandez was excellent, Jeremy Sowers wasn't bad either, but in a losing effort. The Tigers got another good start from Zack Miner against the Royals, but lost Miguel Cabrera with a strained pectoral muscle. Jim Leyland seems really embarrassed by the changes in Miguel's body.

Mets 5, Marlins 4: A Carlos Beltran tetra tot wasn't enough for the Mets bullpen, who try as they might, simply couldn't give this game away. Luis Ayala did what he could to make Francisco Rodriquez stinking rich, giving up 2 runs and 4 hits in picking up the save. The Mets move 2 up on the Phillies, who are wondering when instant replay will point its all-seeing eyes towards safe/out calls. Ryan Howard was called out at first base on a very close play, only to be called out as the umpire assumed a dude that fat couldn't possibly leg out on infield single. Dude blew his top, first base coach Davey Lopes got tossed (Oh no! Whoever will hold the shin pads?) to no avail, as Alfonso Soriano hit one of those Alfonso Soriano home runs that look like it might break away from Earth in the bottom of the inning. Carlos Marmol relieved Knute Rockne and slammed the very much ajar door shut. Uh, the Nats beat the Braves, and have won four in a row. Democracy wins again.

Rays 14, Orioles 3: So, the Rays are good. They're actually good. You and I can't deny it, all the bitterness in the world isn't going to change it. You're wrong about them being built on high draft picks, too. They hit a King Dong and two ding dongs, stole bases and basically beat the O's all over central Florida. They got a typical outing from the worst ace in the league, the maddening Kid K(an you believe how infrequently I throw strikes?) The Red Sox shoved the White Sox down the back of the dresser, sending Ozzie scrambling to make a pair in the morning. How come Dice-K isn't mentioned in any Cy Young discussions? Dude is 16-2, perhaps his nerd stats aren't as good as Cliff Lee's, he still has a solid WHIP and ERA+. The Yankees sent out unheralded youngster Carl Pavano, and the kid got it done. He held the vaunted Blue Jays offense in check, before turning it over the the vaunted Yankee bullpen who shut it down. AJ Burnett was awesome, but didn't win, so he'll likely go hungry this winter.

Diamondbacks 9, Dodgers 3: The LA Dodgers continued to ride the hot hitting of deadline acquisition Manny Ramirez right into a playoff spot. Is what I would be writing if the Dodgers hadn't forgotten how to win. Manny may have been 4-4, raising his NL average to .400 even, but Nomar made more fatal errors than the farm girl during Frosh Week. Chan Ho Park didn't help matters, tossing soju on the fire until the game was out of reach. That would be 8 in a row for the Dodgers, who are 4.5 games back. The Rockies beat the Padres behind Aaron Cook, but hopefully they aren't deluded enough to think they're still "in it."

Astros 3, Cardinals 2: Lance Berkman hit the first walkoff shot of his storied career. His ballpark-adjusted career is less impressive, but let's just enjoy the moment. With any luck, the Cardinals will take one game out of this series, turning it into some kind of double elimination. Show's over fellas, take your peak at Albert Pujols's enormous penis and move on.

You repeated failure is really putting a damper on our relationship AL West. Yes, I know that K-Rod got his 52nd save of the year, but the only thing cheesier than saves is K-Rod's save dance for Jesus. Yes, it means another Gas Face for you AL West. Don't worry, Ichiro will pull you through. Soon we'll look at the day's games, unless you email me and demand a different form of entertainment*.

*entertainment only implied, no guarantees of any kind will be honoured.

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2 Comments

Travis Snider giveth, Travis Snider taketh away.

You killed two sets of twins with that breakfast!

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