The Saturday Morning Post: Scratch the Surface

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babytype.jpgWhat happened last night? Just look around.

Royals 5, Yankees 4: Ever get the feeling it just isn't your year? Losing at home to the Royals via a wild pitch is a pretty sure sign. Mariano Rivera gave up a double to Esteban German(!) and an infield single, before the guy that only throws fastballs saw one of his patented cutters elude Jose Molina to put the Royals ahead in the ninth. The hard-luck Yanks got the lead off man on in the bottom of the inning, only to see their pinch runner, the guy designated to run, promptly picked off. Sigh. Loaded bases held out over demustached faces as Jason Giambi made the final out with the sacks full. Smirking shitbag Matt Garza dominated the oil money Rangers with a comprehensive 2 hit shutout. The Rays are riding the Woonsocket Rocket right into the playoffs people, it is time we adjust to the new reality. It rained all over Roy Halladay's grimace, postponing the game until September. A day-night doubleheader will balance the schedules, but what about the memories??

Phillies 1, Padres 0: Jamie Moyer led his Cubs Orioles Mariners Phillies into Jack Murphy Petco and pitched a gem against perennial Cy Young candidate 350 game winner Greg Maddux. Commissioner Bowie Kuhn lauded both players determination and willingness to pay exorbitant union fees for more than 20 years. The pair of quadragenarians made their debuts in 1986 for the Cubs, and both men pitched 7 excellent innings tonight. A Pat Burrell homer in the 7th was the difference in the game. In 1986, Pat the Bat was learning to conceal his first STD. The Mets edged the Pirates behind a desperately overdue good start from Mike Pelfrey; keeping them one game up in the East.

Twins 9, Mariners 3: Fransico Liriano was the beneficiary of Rob's praise and a 7 run inning as he lead his Twins into a slice of first in the Central. Former Twin and free market enthusiast Carlos Silva took the loss, his 14th of the year. That is (approx) one loss for every million dollars he will average annually over the life of his current contract. Think about that next time you're negotiating with a man named Bevan. The White Sox attempted to trade jacks with the A's, but designated jacker Jack Cust hit two jacks, while Kurt Suzuki hit the game winning walkoff jack to cap a crazy game.
D-Backs 12, Astros 2: Brandon Webb + numerous home runs = a good night at the ball park. Webb was predictably ridiculous, throwing a mere 85 pitches over 8 innings. Uncle Wandy walked 6 dudes in 2.1 innings (totaling 77 pitches, for what it's worth) but it was Tim Byrdak that surrendered three home runs to Chrises Young, Burke and Synder. Poor Ed Wade is currently scouring the world in search of the best baseball player with a surname beginning with B. That is clearly the missing link on this year's squad, not enough Bees. The newest Dodgers supplied three runs in the slight roughing up of Manny Parra that ensured this division reminded tied. They may not have the best records, but they will make it compelling down the stretch.

Cubs 6, Marlins 5: The Big Z wasn't at his best, but some timely hitting brought the Cubs back against the struggling Florida Marlins. Daryle Ward gazed at the Lenny Harris card in his locker, then went out and pounded the go-ahead home run in the top of 9. The Cubs have won 5 in a row and are opening up a serious gap in the National League Central. America's ex-boyfriend Rick Ankiel hit his first home run in a month and issued a challenge to Michael Phelps. In a desperate ploy to regain the nation's affection, Ankiel suggested that Phelps win a medal in track & field before accepting the title of greatest athlete in all creation.

Despite the best efforts of the Gas Face, a little AL West content snuck into today's mildly amusing recap. Team USA beat Canada in Olympic baseball, with part-time baseball player and full-time Zamboni driver Chris Reitsma giving up the winning runs in the seventh inning. Cuba edged Taiwan 1-0 in the Dissident Classico 2008. Check back this afternoon and we'll look at tonight's games.

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6 Comments

This was the best thing i've ever read. That includes books.

Also, Sick Of It All forgot a very seminal part of my pit experiences growing up: Guy With A Tattooed Scalp In An Orlando Magic Jersey

Reitsma is still playing baseball? And still blowing games. Good to see some things never change

I'M NOT GIVING UP YET

ask me again tomorrow

Now you've gone and upset Iracane. I hope you are proud of yourself, Lloyd. You bully.

Don't blame me, blame Esteban German. Billy Butler always does.

FWIW, MLB.com is saying that the wild pitch Rivera threw was a sinker, not a cutter.

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