The Saturday Morning Post: This Is Your Paradise

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math_400.jpgWhat happened last night while you were desperately explaining your presence outside Danica McKeller's house as purely mathematical.

Mets 3, Marlins 0: Ding donging hero David Wright continued his ding donging ways, hitting a two run ding dong in the first inning to give Oliver Perez more than enough offense. The mysterious Perez went a day early in the rotation and turned in an excellent two hit, three walk performance. Mr Met would still be wise not to turn his back on Oliver Perez in a dark alley. Equally unreliable and/or utterly contemptible Aaron Heilman pitched two perfect innings, striking out three. The worst pitching staff in all of baseball is now the proud owner of a 21 inning scoreless streak. The shut-down Pirates held the bruising Phillies in check for 12 innings, squeaking out a 2-0 win. The Mets to climb within a game of first, one up on the Marlins in the loss column.

White Sox 5, Red Sox 3: The battle of hosiery related puns went the way of the bleach last night, making a winner out of Mark Buehrle. Abe Frohman was spotted in the White Sox dressing room after the game, speaking to Carlos Quentin about an unholy union of tater tots and sausage. Something about the Breakfast Kings of Chicago. Jon Lester was saddled with his first loss since May 25th, a misleading fact that exposes pitcher's wins and loses as the sham that they are. The Royals banged out 11 hits and scored but one run, allowing the Twins to defy mighty Pythagoras once more and stay a half game back.

Cubs 3, Cardinals 2: Silver fox Jim Edmonds had a big day. Hit two home runs, lightly disparaged his former boss, made an almost-necessary diving catch in centerfield. Henry "The Blue Whale" Blanco ruined your day, sucking all the shrimp into his baleen mustache with a bases-loaded single in the bottom of the 11th inning. The Brewers stayed within shouting distance thanks to CC Sabathia's fourth complete game as a Brewer. Did CC suddenly get THAT much better? His ERA+ has more than doubled in the NL (that's good), but his walk rate is slightly up and his K rate is slightly down. His BABIP is actually higher than his BAA, so he isn't getting lucky. Maybe it's the competition? No, that couldn't be. Both leagues are of equal quality, with the NL possessing many of the games top offensive stars...

A's 4, Tigers 2: The Tigers ignored WoW's taunting and the A's terriblosity and announced, finally, that their season is over. The A's snapped their ten game losing streak, and Brad Ziegler insisted that he's the one with more records than the KGB. 37 scoreless innings is 37 scoreless innings, but if he gets close to the all-time record, you can bet the Flat Earth society will disagree. Emil Brown hit a A's tater tot, while Marcus Thames hit one that landed two slums over. The Angels 17 hits and 10 runs succinctly answered the "Can Ian Kennedy sub for Joba" questions. The Yankees might just be in trouble, but it is far to early to say such a thing on a website such as this.

Dodgers 6, Giants 2: The Manny sideshow took a back seat to the Jeff Kent Heehaw spectacular for one night. Kent's bases loaded double gave recently re-activated Brad Penny and the Dodgers bullpen all the offense they would need. The Giants only managed three hits (two for extra bases by Bengie Molina) but 7 walks made this game interesting. Jonathon Broxton got one out in a four run game to "earn" the "save". The Diamondbacks fell at home to the terrible-on-the-road Braves, who got a tater tot from WoW commenter Chipper Jones. The Dodgers are just a half game back while the D Backs have lost three in a row.

The mighty AL East gets the even-mightier Gas Face. YOU ARE LETTING THE RAYS RUN AWAY WITH YOUR DIVISION PEOPLE! That is as gas face-worthy as anything. Stop by later for a preview of today's games and maybe other stuff. I have to work today, so you might as well be entertained.

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There isn't much that isn't flat after Bill Conlin steps on it.

The Rays are unstoppable and unflappable.

Hank White scoffs at your shrimp-love and Caesar Izturis's height..

Now if I can only get my chick to turn off the goddam Olympics @ 2:30 long enough for me to watch big Z dominate

I saw some Olympic biking yesterday. It was smogtastic.

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