The Saturday Morning Post: You'll Taste it in Time

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breakfastofchampions.JPGI want to know what happened last night! The waiting could crush my heart.

Rays 9, White Sox 4: As unlikely as these two division-leading teams are, is anything more shocking than Tampa Bay's worst-to-first bullpen? An Aussie named Balfour shut the door when it counted, holding the Rays close until the Sox pen gave up 6 runs in the final two innings to put this one out of reach. Rocco Baldelli and Nick Swisher were among the numerous tater-toters, but were the only ones to overcome incredible fatigue before the game. Rocco from a mysterious, barely manageable disease while Swisher was spent from too many J├Ągerbombs, zebrah. The Red Sox got home runs from the small, overachieving guy and the large, underachieving guy to keep the surging Jays at bay. The Yankees got tots from the cast of the popular daytime drama Jacks and Jill: Love on the Ballfield (Cody, Xavier, Robinson and Jose) to keep the Wild Card in their dreams. Bobby Abreu and his 5 singles are better suited to the WB.

Cardinals 18, Braves 3: I like to think I understand baseball, so I recognize that many noteworthy and/or interesting things occurred during this game. Adam Wainwright was excellent in his first start since June 7th, good to know. The Cards scored 18 runs without hitting a home run, that is pretty cool. Joel Pineiro picked up just the second save of his career. What? A save? In a game decided by 15 runs?!!!? They must have scored all those runs late, and he came into a save situation. It was 12-1 when he entered the game??? I give up. Here's the (incredibly stupid) rule, I'll see you in hell. The Brewers dropped six runs in the seventh to beat the Pirates, maintaining their 2.5 game lead in the Wild Card. Neal Cotts snapped on a water cooler because the Nats snapped their long ass losing streak against the young bears.

Twins 9, Angels 0: The Twins are still in first place, getting past the sand bagging struggling Angels. Glen Perkins ran his record to 11-3, pitching 8 shutout innings. Delmon Young and Denard Span hit home runs and took exception to Chris Rock's view of Minnesota. Cleveland got another good start out of Fausto Carmona to continue their pointlessly strong August. The Royals and Tigers played a game in which one team scored more than the other.

Mets 3, Astros 0: Johan Santana left the game with a three-run lead and went straight to the bar. He emerged later, drunk but pleased to hear that Aaron Heilman and Luis Ayala held on to give the Mets this pitcher's duel. Roy Oswalt went the distance, retiring the last 20 batters he faced but took the loss. Had he pitched the last three innings of a blow out, he would have gotten a save instead. Pack the stats bro, your agent is going to be pissed. Mean kids Ryan Howard and Chris Coste ruined old man Maddux's return to the Dodgers, hitting homers and hiding his glasses in their dugout. Florida weathered 13 Big Unit Ks and scored two unearned runs to come from behind to beat the Diamondbacks. They're pretty much out of it, but those impoverished kids have so much pluck...

Giants 5, Padres 0: Stop me if you've heard this one before: Tim Lincecum is really fucking good. Kid struck out 8, hit a double and pitched 8 shut out innings. I really wish Brian Sabean was a little dumber, Timmy'd be a Jay and I'd be in heaven. Travis Ishikawa hit a triple tot and Fred Lewis wondered when you'll learn his name. The Rockies continued their sick, masochistic joke entitled Livan Hernandez. How does 3.2 innings and 6 runs allowed grab ya? His ERA stays at its glorious level above 15, which isn't fit for the infirmed or nursing mothers.

Ouch, that hurts AL West. Gas Faced again. The Rangers hit two more home runs in a losing effort, which is all they're capable of at this point. And Marinerds, take heart. Brandon Morrow will be back soon. As will I, with a look at today's games!

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Very well done, Mr. The Barber. Also, thank you for sharing the interesting information about the three inning save. Now looking back upon my pitching career I can say that I still have zero saves recorded.

I heard that went Lincecum left the ballpark, he rescued a kitten from a burning building, alleviated our dependency on foreign oil, and helped CTC move a credenza down three flights of steps.

Oh, and he just found the missing piece to my Thomas Kinkade puzzle. The dog kicked it under the papasan chair!

All while darksliding the curb in front of the children's hospital. It keeps their spirits high.

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