The Sunday Morning Post: Black Thunder

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blackpudding.jpgI'll understand if you missed last night's action, sometimes these things are out of your hands.

Dodgers 4, D Backs 2: People try to tell me that LA is some haven of sin, a den of iniquity. I didn't believe it until last night. Manny's home run sent the crowd into the kind of raucous orgy you usually see when a blogger's parents go away for the weekend. Hiroki Kuroda got the win and Chan Ho Park the save (!) as the Dodgers picked up a game on Arizona. Kuroda & Park will next appear in a fish-out-of-water buddy flick highlighting the simmering tension between the Japanese and Koreans. Speaking of odd couples, Barry Zito pitched 8 innings of shutout ball. Hi-yo!

Yankees 8, Angels 2: Mike Mussina is a miracle of modern medicine. He has erased any memory and/or element of last year's small-d disastrous season by being outstanding this year. The upstart Yanks beat up on the big bad Angels thanks to 7 excellent innings from Mussina. A mere 2 hits and 2 walks looked good alongside tator-tots from recently the disposed Jose Molina as well as Alex Rodriquez, Bobby Abreu and Wilson Betemit. Every team in the AL East won last night, so the only thing that changed was my belief in tectonic upheaval.

Brewers 4, Braves 2: Atlanta rib joints beware! There are two very large, very happy men headed your way and they are in the mood for celebrating! One big man hit 2 home runs and the other pitched into the 9th to pick up his 5th win in 5 National League tries. What is that? One of them is a vegetarian? Well deep-fry that motherfucker a pumpkin and snake out the gravy pipe! They don't care that the Cubs won also, they want to eat and they don't give a shit what their colon says!

Indians 5, Twins 1: Olde-tymey Paul Byrd turned the clocks back to a time when Cleveland wasn't awful, preventing the Twins from taking over first in the division. David Dellucci opted out of a celebratory tater-tot, citing his family's interests in preference for olive oil. The White Sox lost to the surprisingly not last-placed Royals. Billy Butler has really come to life in the last week, and Joakim Soria continued his excellent season with his 31st save.

Marlins 5, Rockies 3: Marlins ace Ricky Nolasco struck out 13 Rocks in 8 innings and was excellent outside of two Matt Holliday home runs. The Fish passed the Mets for second place behind the Phillies, who beat the Cardinals 2-1. All three runs came off of solo taters by Ryan Howard, Greg Dobbs and Ryan "I'll flash you my junk before I flash in the pan" Ludwick.

The AL West is eligible for (and will receive) the Gas Face for going 0 for 4 last night. Come back later on and find out what else is going on outside of Blue Jays in prime time!
Note: The Jays - Rangers game will not be televised nationally. Please resume not giving a shit.

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8 Comments

Paul Byrd made a time machine out of a Delorean?!?

If the Jays were in the NL West, they'd be in first place.

If I pooped diamonds you'd all have necklaces.

Jays fans prefer necklaces of pearl, thankyouverymuch

jeff tweedy is throwing out the first pitch and doing take me out to the ball game at wrigley today.

my shift key is not working.

I go very back and forth on which division has fewer redeeming qualities: the NL West, or the AL West. I'm pretty sold on the AL West right now... after all, the NL West has Timmy Lincecum, which counts for quite a bit.

Any word yet on if Jay Bennett is going to complain that he wants "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" to be more accessible to the fans than Tweedy's six-and-a-half minute version?

Tim Lincecum doesn't care what you think, FMRA. It's like, what's the point of feelings?

And as long as the NL West has Brian Sabean and Barry Zito's contract, the AL West will always be superior. They have the author of Moneyball!

The A's stubborn refusal to let the white shoes go makes me love them a little bit. Just a little.

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