The Sunday Morning Post: Draped in Metal and Fiber Optics

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Fiberoptics.jpgWhat happened on the baseball field while you smoked and traced the skyline.

Mets 7, Pirates 4: Five straight wins and an excellent start from Pedro? Things look good for the Mets. What? Under the rug? That? That's nothing, just ignore it. Don't lift that up! Dammit! Yes, the bullpen tried their hardest to make it interesting, but Jose Reyes' quick start (home run and triple in the first two innings) was enough to push your favorite squadron 2 ahead of the Phils. Should I be concerned that the Phillies have lost 5 of 6 Shane Victorino? Oh, no questions asked.

White Sox 2, A's 1: Two teams that went crazy with the ding dongs last night opted for the egg white pitchers duel today. John Danks went 6 strong and Bobby Jenks picked up his 25th save, while Nick Swisher called a teammate "bro" for the 10 000th time this season. He's on pace to shatter Brady Anderson's league record. Loser of record Greg Smith is having a much worse year than I am willing to give him credit for. He seems good, but is in fact quite awful. You learn something new every day. The Twins somehow cracked the airtight M's bullpen to remain tied at the top.

Cardinals 9, Reds 3: Albert Pujols is quite enjoyable to watch. Every time he makes contact, the ball seems destined for the lower stratosphere. He hit 2 very Big Flies today; but still trails the Big Fly Big Shot Ryan Ludwick, who hit is 31st. I knew I should have drafted Ryan Ludwick over Pujols in my [redacted]. The schizophrenic Brewers rode Gabe Kapler's fence-riding catch to edge the Dodgers in extras. David Riske K'd Manny to end the game, leaving the Brewers in the wild card driver's seat.

Blue Jays 4, Red Sox 1: An established meme here in WoWland is appreciation of good pitching. Shameless homerism will always take a backseat to a well-pitched game. When those two glorious worlds collide however.....Roy Halladay is the best pitcher I have ever seen. The Red Sox scored 37 runs in three games against the Rangers, but only mustered 6 singles and a late Pedroia Monster shot against Halladay. Alex Rios took his aborted benching in stride, knocking a home run and a triple. Paul Byrd didn't pitch badly, but is surely no Roy Halladay. The baseball gods offered the Yankees a reprieve yesterday, forcing the Royals into 3 errors and a wild pitch. Poor little Zach Grienke pitched excellently, allowing two Berts but no Earnies. Brett Gardner had three hits including the game winning walkoff single. His brother-in-arms Kevin Maas finally sold the Johnston place on Birch Street. Good day for both of them.

Diamondbacks 11, Astros 5: Who likes tetratots? The D-Backs hit two tetratots, Chris Young and Miguel Montero doing the honors. Miguel Montero had a two tot day, while Chris Young remained red-hot and one of the streakiest players in the league. Adam Dunn had two hits, three walks and a stolen base, but did it all with a look of disdain on his face. What a bum. Livan Hernandez picked up the win! He must be on the way back. Hmmm, 6 innings, 10 hits, 6 runs. That seems poor. But he cut his ERA in half! Still over 15? Troublesome. 2002 Cy Young award winner Troy Tulowitzki added three hits and three RBI. He's been OPS over .850 since the all star break, there might be hope for this kid yet.

I don't want to give you the Gas Face again AL West, what with Texas shutting out the Rays, but I have to do it. This fancy machine shows me that your race is as good as over. The Angels are currently pounding their chests 15 meters from the finish line.

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My favorite Homerism is: "To alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems."

I prefer: Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

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