The Sunday Morning Post: Stand to the Side

| | Comments (7)
Bananas.jpgLots of baseball was played while your nose was in the air.

Twins 7, Royals 3: Ladies and gentleman, your first place Minnesota Twins. Their run differential isn't great, they're not a good defensive team, they don't hit home runs and they don't really pitch that well. But fuck it, they're in first place. The White Sox fell to the Red Sox, and sadly lost Jose Contreras to a blown Achilles tendon. I would be shocked to see a man of questionable age like Jose come back from such a tough injury. Ozzie shouted at a reliever and they still lost. YELL LOUDER OZZIE, THEY'LL HEAR YOU.

Giants 3, Dodgers 2: The Giants threw a big sombrero party and the biggest head of them all done showed up. Barry Bonds gave a strange, boastful speech that ended with "I'm not retired." Sure thing Barry. The Dodgers blew a late lead and a chance to step into first place. Not for nothing, Manny Ramirez had three more hits and sports a frightening OPS of 1.445 as a Dodger. He wants to be a Yankee now? I thought he wanted to retire a Dodger? Whatever bro, keep raking and you can play wherever you'd like. Danny Haren did not stop the D-Backs losing streak but he did give up a home run to Brian McCann. McCann had four RBI, stole a base and broke the O-Dog's wrist. Add his late-night show with ZZ Top and you've got a full day.

Rays 8, Mariners 7: You'd be better off leaving your teenage daughter with Evan Longoria than trusting your bullpen against the Rays. They came from way the fuck behind again last night, beating the sub-standard M's. The Fat Catcher knocked in the winning run, handing Miguel Batista the loss. His 12th. When your literary agent calls you more than your baseball agent, take your Macbook to Starbucks and call it a day.

Mets 8, Marlins 6: The Mets very expensive 3-4-5 hitters had a field day against the young Fishmen, going 7 for 11 with two home runs, two doubles, and a walk. The beleaguered Mets bullpen hung on for the win, with Aaron Heilman secretly picking up his second save in as many days. The Phillies jumped on Ian Snell early, cruising to a 4-2 and staying ahead in the NL East. Jimmy Rollins had two triples, meaning someone's roto team is happy and Jimmy Rollins is now tired.

Cardinals 12, Cubs 3: The Annual Illinois State Tater Tot Festival kicked off yesterday at Wrigley. Troy Glaus had 2 tater tots, but even he doesn't like tater tots as much as Carlos Zambrano. Carlos hit himself a tater tot, but gave up four Cardinal tater tots. That cancels out the goodness of his own tot. The Cardinals are still close enough to break your heart. The Brewers really, really want to play your team in a short series. The Brewers bullpen decided to do some maintenance work around the ballpark with all their free time this weekend. Eric Gagne and Seth McClung tried to build a BBQ pit, but were disappointed because it didn't look anything like the diagram and none of the grills fit right. Ben Sheets was dominant, allowing just 5 hits, a double by a guy who's layup I blocked in high school among them. So he's not invincible.

The AL West is a done deal, as is their receiving of the Gas Face. Check back and we'll take a look at today's games under the sun. If I play my cards right, I may have the opportunity to heap scorn on Cliff Lee in my outdoor voice.

Banana image courtesy of Steve Hopson


PREVIOUS: It's a Sad Day America   |   NEXT: Lemme Get Rid of this Gum

7 Comments

Cliff Lee is a god amongst men.

I love Pete Orr

I may have the opportunity to heap scorn on Cliff Lee in my outdoor voice.

Indoors.

I've got D'Backs in my Giants!
Barry left after the 4th inning because his head was disturbing the wind patterns on the field.

Bananas photo by Steve Hopson, www.stevehopson.com

Usage requires attribution.

Whoa, sorry Steve. Full credit is yours. I blame Google.

Leave a comment