Torii Hunter Encourages Mark Teixeira To Sunblock His C**k

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Ever since Arte Moreno nabbed superslugger first baseman Mark Teixeira from the Braves, the Anaheim Angels have seen their offense improve substantially. They've reached that magical number Mike Scioscia has been squawking about: forty-eight runs scored in eight games equals six runs per game. Heck, even Garret Anderson is getting hits again!

Angel in the Outfield Torii Hunter is especially grateful for Tex' arrival and would like to see the Angels sign Teixeira to a big fat deal. In fact, he's willing to encourage Mark in any way possible:

(Hunter) said he already has launched the "Mark Teixeira in '08 and beyond" campaign, hoping to persuade the slugger to sign a long-term contract with the Angels rather than defect to another team in free agency.

Hunter said he plans to treat Teixeira to fine dining in Orange County and Los Angeles, showing off the region's top restaurants and wonderful weather.

"You can get a tan," Hunter said. "You can tan naked if you want to."

Just be sure to apply SPF 35,000 on your wiener schnitzel. Nobody wants a sunburned wang AKA the ol' red rooster. Just ask Brian Giles.

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Sunblock his cook? Isn't the help usually brown?

I hope this means that Mark and Torii end up on an episode of The Hills

Sunblock his cork? Is he trying to keep his wine from turning to vinegar?

Last time I did this I went through the whole bottle of sunblock.

And a whole roll of paper towels.

That's fun to do in a tanning both. Unless the time runs out then you have to finish laying in a cold glass tube. That sucks.

You go tanning?

Who you thinking about in the booth, Brad Pitt?

Speaking of getting burned it looks like Giles just gave the fingahh to Boston and blocked the trade.

If he really wants to know the fine dining in L.A. he'd give Andre Ethier a call.

There is a banner ad on that Chien-Ming Wang site for "Lifestyle Bobbleheads," which feature Wang in various">">various outfits. And they're $100 each! Awesome.

Wow, I suck at HTML. Sorry. The link works, though.

Chipper Jonesin' for a Wang.

Err um I mean that's what I here that people do in those things.
I went twice this last winter before my trip to Mexico so I didn't burn too bad.

I hope Torii and Tex end up on the Hills too, in a DP scene with a crying Hills tartlette. Weeping actually.

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