Well folks, it was either liveglog this Yankees/Twins, the Atlanta/Chicago rain makeup, or glog the Bodeans live set on XM channel 45. I think I chose wisely. Today, Darrell Rasner and Kevin Slowey go head-to-head in the Metrodome, where it's always 72 degrees and ugly. In limited appearances against the other teams, Rasner has gotten lit up by Justin Morneau while Slowey has bad numbers against Bobby Abreu, Melky Cabrera, Robinson Cano, Johnny Damon, and Alex Rodriguez. Should be a long, exhausting, high-scoring affair.
I'll be listening to the game on my handy-dandy XM radio and doing my best to relay both the game action and the announcers' verbal gaffes and cliches to you, the reader. Derek Jeter isn't playing so don't expect me to swoon on my keyboard.
Please feel free to read along or join the Best Commenters in the Baseballblogosphere down below in our rowdy comment section. Here's how to register. As usual, the glog starts after the jump. Join me there, friend.
1:00PM: Your announcers today are John Gordon and Dan Gladden. What, Greg Gagne was busy?
1:05PM: Looks like the Twinkies will have their Mauer Power back as King Sideburns himself is back in the three-hole. Bobby Abreu gets to play DH today with Xavier Nady in right, Johnny Damon in left, and Melky Cabrera's corpse in center.
1:10PM: I have Kevin Slowey on my fantasy team. Yes, I know, that's some great roster management right there. But hey, he's like my fifth starter after CC Sabathia, Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels, and Jose Contreras' corpse. So it's not all bad! Still, I hope he gives up 39 tater dongs today. Here comes the first pitch to Damon...strike one.
1:13PM: Damon pops out lightly to short. Bobby Abreu and Alex Rodriguez fill out the top three gentlemen in the Yankees lineup. This is the tenth and final game of the Twins-Yankees 2008 series with the Yanks ahead 6-3. So there's that. Cookies Abreu pops out to third.
1:16PM: Here's A-Rod. He lines a base hit to right-center that goes all the way to the wall. Span fields it but A-Rod is standing at second with a dubble. Too bad he doesn't have enough RBI or we'd be talking Triple Crown about Mr. Rod right now. Jason Giambi will bat now, because it is his turn.
1:17PM: Giambi slams a liner off the baggie and A-Rod scores. 1-0 Yankees. Giambi on second with a double.
1:19PM: Xavier Nady checks his swing, breaks his bat, and leaves a dribbler out in front of the mound. Slowey avoids the maple shards, fields the ball and throws Nady out. Seriously, one of these days a Little Leaguer is going to die and Daniel Leddy will get that promotion.
1:22PM: Let's see what the announcers have to say about Darrell Rasner. Probably nothing. Oh, they're giving out his biographical info. Denard Span lines out to third. Brendan Harris and Joe Mauer will follow.
1:25PM: I get dumber every week listening to baseball radio announcers, and these Minnesoter fellers are no exception. Brendan Harris reaches on an infield single as Wilson Betemit's throw to Giambi is low and breaks the webbing of Jason's glove. What the heck is that glove made of, papier mache? Here's Mauer.
1:27PM: Nevermind, that was an error on Giambi if you're scoring in your cubicle. And if you are, wear protection. Mauer strikes out swinging. Here's Justin Morneau. /shakes fist
1:30PM: Brendan Harris has a 'good lead' at first. DOES HE? DOES HE REALLY? Rasner is ahead of Morneau with a 1-2 count. He looks at ball two and then looks at strike three. NO, JUSTIN! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SWING AT THE GOOD 'UNS!
1:33PM: Robinson Cano strikes out looking leading off the second. Slowey will also dance with Ivan Rodriguez and Wilson Betemit in this inning. Pudge flies out to right, two down. Uhhh Betemit flies out to left and Kevin Slowey is working fast. Today, Kevin's middle name is "Aint".
1:37PM: Rasner will face Jason Kubel, Delmon Young, and Brian Buscher. What happened to Mike Lamb? Kubel grounds out to Cano. Young lines one to right. I've barely heard Gladden say word one, so maybe this is just the play-by-play guy John Gordon going solo. Hey Danny, you can pipe up from time-to-time. This is the radio. Me no can see base ball game. Need to hear describe-y.
1:41PM: Buscher grounds one to Betemit at short, he steps on second and throws to first for the double play. GIDDYUP!
1:44PM: Ooh, a water softener commercial starring John Gordon! Why yes, John, my water is kinda hard! Slowey will face Melky Cabrera, Damon, and Abreu. Melky flies out to Young.
1:47PM: Dan Gladden has not said word one since I called him out. This proves my theory: Dan Gladden does not read my blog. There are literally ten second breaks without either gentleman speaking. Damon flies out to Kubel, who makes a running catch. Here's Cookies Abreu.
1:48PM: Abreu pops out to center and we're headed to the bottom of the third. Keep this fucker moving, fellas!
1:51PM: Someone named Randy Ruiz is the Twins designated hitter. He'll be followed by Nick Punto and Denard Span. Ruiz singles to center because he was designated by Ron Gardenhire to hit. His hand was forced.
1:55PM: FYI, Giambi did get a new glove immediately after the error. That's a new rule this year in baseball. You're allowed to get new gloves if the old ones are faulty, or new bats if the old ones shatter and kill a Little Leaguer. Ruiz is running with the pitch, Punto flies out to Cabrera, and Melky launches a perfect throw to Giambi, doubling up Ruiz. HEY GLADDEN SAID SOMETHING! About Ruiz not being able to turn around and go back to first: "It was a little too late to get the piano moving." BRILLIANT!
1:58PM: Tomorrow is Harmon Killebrew's charity golf tournament which can only mean one thing: SCOTT ERICKSON IS IN THE BOOTH! Ah, the halcyon days of 1991. Gordon and Gladden pause to reminisce as Span singles up the middle.
2:00PM: Brendan Harris grounds one back to Rasner and scurries up the line. He beats the throw and is safe at first, but wait! Harris is called out at first for interference. Home plate ump Mike Winters says that Harris was running inside the line, because he is a Cheaty McCheaterson.
2:04PM: Gladden is interviewing Scott Erickson and asks if he thinks he could pitch in today's game. Considering that Erickson amassed a 7.94 ERA with the Yanks in 2006, I'm gonna go ahead and say 'no'. WAIT NO. ERICKSON MENTIONS A POSSIBLE COMEBACK. He still works out. Kill me now. Slowey will face A-Rod, Giambi, and Nady, but I know nothing of what is going on because it's Scott Erickson Interview Time.
2:08PM: Erickson blames getting hit in the arm for having his Yankee stint 'derailed'. No, Scott, it was your shitty pitching that got you derailed. A-Rod grounds out and Giambi lines out. Kudos to Scott Erickson for doing volunteer work and helping out inner city kids, though. Nady pops out to Punto, and we're through three and a half innings.
2:15PM: Gordon does a live read for Minnesota Pork Farmers. I'm starving, we got any lardo back there? Rasner will face Mauer, Morneau, and Kubel. Mauer walks. Gordon and Gladden are defending Brendan Harris, saying that the replay showed he was in the line up until the end. Whatever. Oh, Morneau grounds one to A-Rod who tosses to Cano for the force at second. No double play attempted and WAIT! Mauer is called safe at second because Cano didn't slide his foot over the bag. Dan Gladden: "THE YANKEES DO NOT PLAY THE GAME AT THE HIGHER LEVEL." Fuck you, Dan Gladden. Cano is charged with an error. HE SHOULD BE PLAYING AT A HIGHER LEVEL. Perhaps Mount St. Helens? Kubel flies out to Nady and Mauer tags to third.
2:18PM: Young hits a three-run tater tot. 3-1 Twins.
2:23PM: Rasner strikes out Buscher. Two down. Here's Randy Ruiz. Ruiz strikes out. I am emo.
2:27PM: Slowey will face Cano, Pudge, and Betemit. Cano must not be playing at a high enough level because he flies out to left.
2:30PM: Pudge grounds out and Betemit follows up with a two-out single, the Yankees first hit since the first inning. Gordon and Gladden are now analyzing why the Yankees don't play at a high level. I want to vomit.
2:31PM: Melky grounds into a fielders choice, 4-6. We're through four and a half. Good for us.
2:36PM: Rasner will face Punto, Span and Harris here in the fifth. Punto grounds out to Rasner, who flips to Giambi without incident. No holes in gloves, no interference, no nothin'. Here's Denard Span. It needs to be said: Denard is a silly name. Span lines out to Nady. Brenda Harris pops out to A-Rod and Rasner has a tidy 1-2-3 inning for the first time today.
2:43PM: Slowey will face Damon, Abreu and A-Rod here in the sixth. Hey, I made it to the sixth! Go figure. Rasner might not make it much longer, he's at 99 pitches. Damon flies out to center. Abreu walks. Slowey has slowed down significantly.
2:46PM: A-Rod flies out softly to left. Here's Giambi. Abreu gets thrown out stealing at second. We're through five and a half innings now. Still 3-1 Twins.
2:53PM: Dan Giese is the new Yankee pitcher. Guess he's out of the rotation now that the Yanks have a bunch of off-days coming up and Phil Hughes possibly coming up from Triple A. He gives up a leadoff single to Mauer. Here's Morneau.
2:58PM: Morneau walks, bringing up Jason Kubel with two on and no outs. Kubel walks to load the bases and Gladden exclaims, "This guy's lost it." Well yeah, I agree with Gladdenrags on this one. Looks like Giese is hurt. New pitcher time!
3:02PM: David Robertson, the new Yankee reliever, is being given all the time in the world to warm up as is his right. Not sure what's wrong with Giese.
3:04PM: Robertson gets Delmon Young to strike out and the blog is saved. Seriously, if Young had hit a tetra tot there, I'd have shutdown Walkoff Walk permanently.
3:08PM: One of the umps got hurt or lost his contact lens or something, so we've got another break in the action. Sigh.
3:11PM: Home plate ump Mike Winters got hurt and is out of the game, so first base ump Angel Campos had to run up to the clubhouse and change into his home plate ump costume. There are allegedly many stairs to be climbed in the Metrodome.
3:15PM.: Seriously folks, we're still waiting for Angel Campos to change his clothes. Mike Winters took a foul ball off the chin so he's down for the count.
3:18PM: And the game is finally underway again. With three umpires. Buscher flies out to left and throws it back to the cutoff man, not third. "What a bonehead play that was!" Fuck you Gordon, he can't reach third base from center. 4-1 Twins. Ruiz flies out and this sixth inning is MERCIFULLY over.
3:25PM: Slowey is doneskis. Craig Breslow is the new pitcher for the Twins. Giambi, Nady, and Cano will be the Yankee batters in the seventh. Giambi grounds out. Nady pops out. Cano grounds out to the pitcher. SEVENTH INNING STRETCH!
3:30PM: Robertson stays in the game. He'll face Punto, Span and Harris. Punto pops one into no man's land that falls between Cabrera and Cano. Gordon goes off on the Yankees making mistakes again. Really? I didn't see it, and perhaps the ball should have been caught, but I'm fucking done hearing some shithead in Minnesota talk about fundamentals. I will glog the rest of the game based on information I deign from MLB Gameday. Punto is caught stealing. MORE LIKE CAUGHT NOT USING FUNDAMENTALS
3:34PM: Span flies out, Harris flies out, and we're headed to the eighth. HOPE THE YANKS LEARN TO PLAY BASEBALL SOON
3:37PM: Pudge leads off the eighth with a single off Breslow. Betemit and Cabrera will follow. Betemit lines a single and the Yankees are in business. How will Cabrera's lack of fundamentals fuck this one up? Dan Gladden calls him "Milky Cabrera". I want him to fall out of the booth and crush an orphan. Dennys Reyes will come on the be the new pitcher and Richie Sexson will pinch hit for Milky.
3:42PM: Dennys Reyes is a lefty, Sexson is a righty. I have to give Gordon credit: he called out Gardenhire for making a bad move. Gordon shits on everyone I guess. Sexson strikes out. Lack of fundamentals.
3:45PM: Damon taps one in front of home plate and Mauer throws him out. Runners advance.
3:48PM: Reyes unfurls a wild pitch that Abreu swings at. Pudge scores as Abreu reaches first with a strikeout wild pitch. That's wild! 4-2 Twins.
3:52PM: Jesse Crain is your new Twin pitcher. He'll face A-Rod. Crain falls behind 3-1. A-Rod flies out because he lacks fundamentals. Middle of the eighth.
3:59PM: I'm not glogging the ninth inning, so this is the last sour grapes you'll get out of me. I don't care if the Yanks are within reach. Mauer just singled off new Yankee pitcher Billy Traber.
4:02PM: Screw it, glog's over. I'm too riled up and completely irrational about this game, and I can't handle another pitching change. Also, I have a haircut appointment in 30 minutes. Thanks for joining, everyone! Congratulations, BC Twins Fan. You are commenter of the day! You will received a gold-plated Glog Club Blazer in the mail.