Hey, is this the first Padres game that I'm liveglogging? Maybe with the luck o' the liveglog they'll finally turn this thing around.
Nah, probably not. The Diamondbacks send old crusty Randy Johnson to the mound in an attempt to prevent a sweep (a sweep!) at the hands of the lowly Padres. He'll face former Mariner Cha Seung Baek who went 1-1 with a 3.48 ERA in two July starts against the D-Backs. Wow, that must have been bittersweet news for Baek earlier this year:
"Hey, Cha Seung, great news, you're being shipped out of Seattle, the worst team in the American League! The bad news is, you're going to San Diego, the second worst team in the National League."
Yes, I am quite sure that is exactly how that conversation went between Baek and his agent. To a tee.
Anywho, the Padres took both games on Monday and Tuesday night. Let's see how they do trying for their first home sweep since....well, since Juan Rodríguez Cabrillo sailed into the bay and was eaten by natives.*
Glog starts after the jump, dear reader.
*historical facts may be made up
3:30PM: I have no pregame, which means that XM is merely simulcasting Rob Dibble and Kevin Kennedy's talk show. Winner: no one. Loser: Rob.
3:35PM: So here is a list of players in both starting lineups who have a .300 or greater batting average:
3:38PM: Stephen Drew, Conor Jackson, and Chad Tracy will face Baek in this first half inning of play. Drew grounds out to start the game.
3:41PM: Well, the Padres announcers are as fucking giddy as can be, despite their team's horrid record. Why? The weather in San Diego is perfect. I am jealous. Seventy-five degrees and fair. Sigh. Jackson pops out.
3:44PM: Now the announcers are decrying this new wacky lexicon, including the word "walkoff". Someone get these guys' fax number and send 'em a note from Walkoff Walk, preferably a picture of your taint. Tracy pops out, middle of the first.
3:47PM: Randy Johnson will face Scott Hairston, Luis Rodriguez, and Kevin Kouzmanoff in his quest for career win #295. Doesn't it seem as though Johnson's been close to win #300 for 10 years now? Oh, probably because he hasn't been winning much lately. Yeah, he stinks.
3:50PM: Hairston K's to lead off. Regular Padre first baseman Adrian Gonzalez is taking a breather today, leaving Luis Rodriguez to cover the bag today. What, they couldn't bring up Kyle Blanks? Rodriguez flies out to the warning track.
3:53PM: Kouz strikes out. Hey, this game is being broadcast locally on an FM radio station in San Diego called "The Walrus". They can haz bukkit? End of first.
3:56PM: Adam Dunn, Mark Reynolds and Miguel Montero will do their business in the second. Unless someone starts playing "God Bless America," because then MOVEMENT WILL BE RESTRICTED. Dunn flies out. Reynolds flies out.
3:59PM: This image is on the Walrus' website:
I don't know what to think about any 9-11 imagery that has a cartoon walrus wearing John Lennon glasses in the corner. Montero pops out. Middle of the second.
4:03PM: Chase Headley, Jody Gerut and Edgar Gonzalez will face the Big Unit in this inning. While I was typing that, Headley and Gerut made outs and my gramma called me. It's an eventful day!
4:06PM: Edgar Gonzalez strikes out and looks like David Arquette. End of second.
4:09PM: The batters this inning will be Chris Young, Chris Burke and Johnson. Hey, remember when Chris Young had like 11 tater tots in the first six weeks of the season? Yeah, he's had seven since. Boo. He flies out.
4:12PM: Burke grounds out to someone named Sean Kazmar who is allegedly playing shortstop for the Padres. This may just be a fan who ran onto the field with a Pads t-shirt and a makeshift popcorn-box-cum-glove, but I'm not 100% sure.
4:15PM: Johnson lines a single to left, breaking up Baek's perfect game. Johnson still has his intact. His perfect game, not his ability to achieve erection. That's been broken for years. Drew lines out. Middle of third.
4:18PM: Unit will face catcher
Randy Todd Nick Hundley, Kazmar and Baek. Hundley breaks up the other perfect game with a single.
4:21PM: Kazmar is batting .100 with 0 HR and 1 RBI. And yet they boo A-Rod. And now he is batting .091 after Randy Johnson's fifth strikeout.
4:24PM: With one out and Scott Hairston on deck, Baek sac-bunts Hundey over to second. If this isn't an argument for the DH, I don't know what is. And yet Hairston walks.
4:27PM: Luis Rodriguez somehow manages to strike out on three straight pitches. It's as if he was overpowered by some massively tall pitcher who throws fast. End of third.
4:30PM: Jackson, Tracy and Dunn here in the fourth. That's the law firm I used for my condo closing. Tracy handled the mortgage papers and Dunn got me a bottle of water. Jackson leads off with a single off Baek. BTW, Jerry Coleman does sound like he is near death-slash-possibly dead already. Tracy pops out to Hundley.
4:33PM: There are no video highlights yet on the MLB Gameday page. This is because nothing interesting has happened. Dunn collects an infield single to the right side, moving Jackson to second.
4:36PM: I have to end my glog early today, but I am promising a full nine-inning glog next Wednesday, September 3rd, when the Mets take on the Brewers in Milwaukee at 2:05PM EDT. Baek just picked Jackson off second base. Not literally, I'm not sure Baek could lift a 200 pound man. Reynolds strikes out. Middle of fourth.
4:39PM: No matter what, WoWies, we'll always have a walrus wearing John Lennon glasses. Kouzmanoff, Headley, and Gerut will do their best against Randy Johnson here in the bottom of the fourth.
4:42PM: Apparently, Kouzmanoff's best involves flying out to left field, Headley's involves striking out (Johnson's seventh), and Gerut's involves lacing a base hit to right.
4:45PM: Gerut steals second. This is news, since the Padres have approximately four stolen bases as a team for the entire season. Edgar Gonzalez takes advantage of this RUNNER IN SCORING POSITION by grounding out. That's all for me today, WoWies! Thanks for joining my brief glog, and enjoy your Tonight's Questions, coming up right away.