While listening to the Astros-Giants tilt yesterday afternoon on the ol' satellite radio, I heard the Houston radio guys chatting up an upcoming promotion at Minute Maid Park called
"Faith and Family Night". I don't know who Faith is or why she's bringing her family to the ballpark or why this is so exciting, so I hit up astros.com to find out:
The Astros have teamed up with Third Coast Sports Foundation to bring you Faith and Family Night featuring Steven Curtis Chapman at Minute Maid Park on Saturday, August 16.
Oh cute, a Christian rock concert. I've heard of this Steven Curtis Chapman fella and he's sure made a ton of dough over the years singing about Jesus. Those folks in Texas will eat that shit up. What else is going down on Faith and Family Night?
2:45 PM: Faith and Family Night program will begin with a player testimonial by Astros first baseman and five-time All-Star, Lance Berkman.
Oh...well...that's nice, I suppose. Nice to see that Fat Elvis believes in all that good Jesus stuff and whatnot. But this is beginning to sound less like a baseball game and more and more like a tent revival. Testimonial? Is that shorthand for 'fundraising appeal'? Anything else happening before the baseball game?
Larry the Cucumber and Bob the Tomato from the hit animated series VeggieTales will be on hand to take pictures with fans.
HOLY SHIT! RUN AWAY! ANTHROPOMORPHIC VEGETABLES WILL EAT YOUR BRAIN! Seriously, Christians speak out against sex in movies but they'll let a fucking cucumber teach their kids about the Holy Spirit? I'm not too familiar with Scripture, but if I had to guess, walking and talking tomatoes are probably the work of the Devil and most likely a sign of the coming apocalypse.
Either way, doesn't this sound like the sort of promotion the Rockies would have?