Canadian Creampuffery: Blue Jays Wings Go Wonky

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dead_bluejay.jpgThere must a tariff on ligaments that JP Riccardi wasn't aware of because the Blue Jays just keep losing pitchers. Shaum Marcum is the latest recipient of a new tendon and year vacation courtesy of Dr. James Andrews. He joins Dustin McGowan, Casey Janssen, and Jeremy Accardo as Blue Jays that have missed substaintial time this season. BJ Ryan, Brandon League and (thankfully) Gustavo Chacin all missed some or all of last year due to injuries.

What can all these injuries be attributed to? Organizational philosophy? Irresponsible training staff? The world's least popular and most dishonest GM offers his explanations:

  • The Red Sox and Yankees spend so much more money for the high-end tendons
  • Tampa Bay was so bad for so long, they continually picked high in MLB's annual organ harvest
  • None of the healthy pitchers showed any real interest or passion for baseball
  • JP saw a market inequity early and was able to load up on cheap toe ligaments
The Blue Jays don't need much help to finish third (or fourth) and make excuses for it. The rotation for next year looks more and more like Roy Halladay, Rob Iracane, Camp Tiger Claw and me. We're thinking 4 will be enough. We're Ironmen.

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I've got your back, Lloyd. I'll take the ball every fifth day/spot start.

I throw a wicked two-finger cut fartball.

I bet we could build quite a staff with WoW commenters. Farthammer at the back of the bullpen, closing it down.

I'd like to offer my services if poss--OW, MY GROIN.

BoL = Mike Hampton?

Well, I will say that I am disappointed in this latest setback, but I am optimistic that I can help the team out next y AH FUCK MY HAMSTRING.

The fartball is the most sensual of all pitches.

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