Doug Melvin Sees Things As They Should Be, And Asks Why Not

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By now you've all heard/seen the brouhaha over CC Sabathia's near no hitter, blemished only by his own mistake fielding from the mound. There are only two opinions to have here. Not "it was a hit" or "it was an error." They're actually "I don't give a damn it happened 3 days ago and is an ultimately meaningless individual achievement" or "I care."

Brewers GM Doug Melvin cares. He cares deeply. He cares to the point that he sat in his thinking chair all weekend, waving away his wife with a grunt each time she offered him a glass of iced tea. Then he came up with the following totally ridiculous utopian scenario.

Doug Melvin said he thought a committee should decide scoring decisions like the one that may have cost Sabathia a no-hitter in the Brewers' 7-0 victory over the Pirates on Sunday. One official scorer is used in all baseball games until the World Series, where a three-person panel reviews scoring plays.

"There could be possible reviews to see if there's a better way of doing it where there's not all the pressure put on one individual," Melvin said Monday.

He suggested a three-member panel consisting of an official scorer and two writers.

And they could be on top of a mountain and wear velvet robes and have engravings of the play in question brought to them by a sherpa. Melvin claims he thought of this a long time ago and not just because of the Sabathia situation. I don't believe him at all.

Here are some other ideas from "Doug Melvin's Things That Could Be Think Tank."

  • There could be dogs that tell you the day's weather when you wake up in the morning. Those would be better than the dogs we have now.

  • There could be a couch that is inflated with beer, or soda if you don't drink, with a straw built into the armrest. When the couch was empty and you were sitting on the floor you would know it was time to buy more beer (or soda).

  • Fruit could have screwtops so you could just pour out the juice.

  • Inventors could take The Jetsons more seriously.
© 2008 Doug Melvin's Things That Could Be Think Tank

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Judy or Jane? Discuss.

"...sat in his thinking chair all weekend."

Did he write anything in his handy-dandy notebook?

/I've got to stop watching TV with my kids

Before I buy one of the refillable beer couches, I need to know, will my farts seep through the couch into the beer?

@Farthammer: throw in Rosie and you have a hat trick

Bob Melvin needs to get those neurons firing on other issues.

Who would win in a fight: Rodin (sculptor), Rodan (band) or Rodan (pterodactyl monster)?

unless no hitters count for 2 wins he should stop caring

There could be possible reviews to see if there's a better way of doing it where there's not all the pressure put on one individual," Melvin said Monday.

The official scorer's comments,

Bob Webb, official scorer for the Pittsburgh Pirates, said he had no regrets about giving Andy LaRoche a single Sunday, even though the Milwaukee Brewers disagreed with a call that eventually cost lefty CC Sabathia a no-hitter.

"To me, that play was scored correctly and would be scored that way routinely," Webb said Monday. "It was the right call."

He doesn't seem to be affected by the pressure, Mr. Melvin.

@freetzy, or Rick Rhoden ?

Can the pillows on the couch be filled with whiskey?

Can the pillows on the couch be filled with whiskey?

The Boilermaker Couch.

Excellent idea!

Sure. Let's toss in Dennis Rodman too.

No love for Road & Track Magazine?

Doug Melvin thinks there should be a viable third party in American politics for folks who believe that the Hispanics are ruining our schools.

I prefer Fly Rod & Reel magazine.

Speaking of which, my wife started getting issues of Field & Stream randomly in the mail. Anyone need advice on buying a gun, or a recipe for a jalapeno glaze for mourning dove breasts?

@freetzy: she's learning how to do a duck call so you two can have a quack-off

This isn't even the most retarded thing in the whole scenario. Apparently the Brewers appealed another scoring decision earlier this season, and got a hit turned into an error by Prince Fielder.

Why? So that their reliever got spared two earned runs...

Look, I love stats more than most people, but that's just bordering on insanity right there.

@ freetzy,

you know, a jalapeno glaze does sound pretty good...


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