Gary Sheffield Doesn't Take Kindly to Bruises

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Gary Sheffield isn't having a great year offensively. He's hit just 17 home runs with an OPS hovering around .700, 200 points off his career mark. Luckily for us, his FYULABA (Fuck you up like a bad accident) rate still leads the league.

When Fausto Carmona hit him for the third time this year, Gary got upset. The grade A stink-eye he shot Carmona all the way to first base only worsened when Fausto immediately threw over to first to check on Sheff. The former slugger charged Carmona and set off a round of handbags that left Sheffield lumped up and wanting more:

Anytime you do that, we're going to have problems. I don't care who you are, how big you are. Anytime I get hit because you're upset about something else, we're going to deal with it during the game, after the game, or whenever you want to deal with it

Gary sounds upset. I'm sure he got everything off his chest and is ready to move on. He's nearly 40 years old after all, surely he's got bigger fish to fry: I know who they are," Sheffield said. "They're going to have to deal with me. Hmmm Gary, that is troubling. What about Victor Martinez, the man that popped you while you were mandancing with Carmona: Trust me: He don't want none of me. I'm sure he doesn't Gary.

The inevitable suspension may keep Gary Sheffield from notching the 500th home run of his career this season. The inevitable kidnapping may keep Fausto Carmona's family from seeing or hearing from him until Sheffield decides things are dealt with.

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You get 'em Sheff! You've been taking all these shots lying down for years now!

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