Los Angeles Times 'columnist' TJ Simers wrote a column calling Dodgers GM Ned Colletti "baseball's best general manager", and I'm not sure if he's serious or if this is all a big ruse. Hey, my reading comprehension skills may not be above a fourth-grade level, but one would think I would able to distinguish serious sportswriting from mere parody. Well, one would be wrong.
Simers begins by describing his brief sit-down with Colletti:
Sat down with Ned Colletti before Tuesday's Dodgers game to discuss the details of his acceptance speech once he's officially named Major League Baseball's executive of the year.
"Huh?" said Colletti, and now you know why he needs a speech writer.
It's over, of course, the Dodgers playing minor league outfits now, and a lock to win the division title on the strength of Colletti's wizardry-- Manny Ramirez and Casey Blake suddenly appearing out of nowhere.
Well, the Manny trade was quite the coup, but the team is just 15-16 since Ramirez showed up, despite his 10 tater tots and 41 RBI. What gives, TJ? The Dodgers are a lock to win the division title? Is this all false praise? I can't figure out your tone! Give me some more clues!
Desperate times, desperate measures and Colletti improved the Dodgers without it costing the owner a penny. That makes him the best GM in baseball in the minds of most owners.
This could be sarcasm, or it could be true, since baseball owners are notorious chuckleheads.
"Do you think there are other teams out there saying, 'Ned's desperate, let's help Ned out?' " Colletti said, while proving the point, I guess, that he's just smarter than all the other GMs in somehow stealing Ramirez and Blake.
Casey Blake is 35, hits about league average, has grounded into eight double plays in just 137 at bats, and has the fielding ability of a three legged poodle. This was not a 'steal', which is yet another thing Casey Blake cannot do.
No doubt, he fooled them all. Oldest trick in the book, too, luring your opponents to sleep, which explains why early on he signed Jason Schmidt, Andruw Jones and Juan Pierre -- everyone figuring the Dodgers were finished with such a cast of misfits.
This is either the dumbest column ever written or the worst parody ever penned. My head just exploded deciding between the two, which means my reading comprehension skills have now descended to a Rex Hudler-esque level.