Mother Nature Will See You in Hell

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02-01+Perfect+storm.jpgMister Tiger Claw asked yesterday about his raincoat with good reason. Hanna has relocated from Montana to directly above numerous baseball stadiums. Dammit weatherfolk, some of these games are Meaningful. It's September after all.

A Roof! On a baseball stadium! Heretics! There were two games planned for the wee smalls today, but Baltimore faces a deluge of rain rather than illicit narcotics. Game one the Orioles/A's doubleclash is OFF, with no makeup date announced. The Jays and Rays are the only show in town, playing beneath a retractable roof that didn't retract in time last night. The excellent James Shields takes on the once excellent, but recently returned from a minor league "mechanical correction" stint Shawn Marcum. The Jays are winners of 6 in a row; their longest streak in four years!

The Fox Network hates the rain, somehow implicates Obama in game canceling conspiracy: Poor Rupert. They had a big-time match up to beam into homes all across this great nation, but the liberal meteorological media forced a cancellation. Fox now must choose between the Twins and Tigers (fly over states, no penetration in the major markets) and the Snakes & Dodgers (will play well with Hispanic base, will have to suffice.) Brandon Webb could go a long way to righting the Desert ship against Chad Billingsley. A win for him would be his 20th, a win for the Dodgers would put them into first place. The Twins will have to get through Justin Verlander if they want to keep pace with the White Sox.

Tempt fate and head out the ballpark: How many of these games will go as planned? The O's/A's aren't ready to give up on the night cap, it's still on the sked. How about big men Jake Peavy and Ben Sheets locking horns in Milwaukee? Jake Peavy looks like he just stepped out of a time machine, as more people should. John Lackey and Gavin Floyd should provide another excellent match up with something to play for. Wakefield pitching in Texas? Could be interesting if the wind is blowing. Luckily for the Sox, the Rangers will counter with a Rangers pitcher, meaning all bets are off. If you can figure out Jason Marquis, feel free to explain it to me and any Cubs fan. One day is going to the bullpen, next time out he's great. He goes today with Johnny Cueto offering the resistance. Roy Oswalt and Jeff Francis would be a great match up, were Jeff Francis not terribly awful this year. Oswalt is still good, even if the Astros aren't. Yankees and Mariners play the sole late game tonight; every Sidney Ponson start brings the end of his career mercifully closer.

Stay dry, my friends. Enjoy the games while I lament not enjoying Burn After Reading at the film festival. Bummer.

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Rupert Murdoch believes that if people would only worship the corpse of Ronald Reagan, there would only be sunshine and blue skies, forever and ever, until eventually we all day from starvation because there are no crops or animals to eat because there is no rain.

Read my lips: NO NEW HURRICANES.

I heard Burn After Reading was getting lackluster reviews. Turrble news.

Hanna, I served with Hurricane Bertha: I knew Hurrican Bertha; Hurricane Bertha was a friend of mine. Hanna, you're no Hurricane Bertha.

I'm mostly just hoping Ike doesn't blow my parents' house away Tuesday. The new projection looks sliiiiightly more optimistic.

Going to a "Burn After Reading" screening on Monday, can't wait.

I too heard meh on Burn After Reading, that doesn't mean I don't want to go!

The TIFF movie I'd really like to see is called Sugar.

Ike seems now to be heading into the Gulf, as opposed to Eastern FLA. Not that it's a better situation, mind you.

Let's lower our collective expectations for Burn so that when we see it, we'll be delighted even if it's mediocre!

Yeah, it feels weird to be an optimist.

To be fair, even mediocre Coen fair like Intolerable Cruelty is still pretty awesome. God bless you Wheezy Joe.

I was one of the few who freaking loved Intolerable Cruelty.

Hey, the remains of Gustav made it all the way up to Milwaukee, but they still played.

WEEEEEEE Rocco tots but the Jays win with a walkoff tetra tot!!!!! BEST DAY EVER!!!!

high life count: 20.

If you are at 20; I expect some solid posts pretty soon.

I am on my first Skinny Dip beer.

Ben Sheets allows only 5 hits, 1 walk, and 0 runs in a complete game. Crew only gets one run, but hey, when the other team doesn't score, that's enough.

69-0 NOLES.

Also, thank you Jays. But mostly,

69-0 NOLES

So ChiSox and the Angels go 15. No shrimps sadly.

Texan #1: Why is there a crawfish humping a baseball on your shirt?
Phillas: because it's funny
Texan #2: What does it say on the back of your shirt? Walkoffwalk? Shouldn't it ready walkoffhomer?
Phillas: no
Texan #2: ....
Phillas: ....
Texan #2: You're kinda wacky

Texan #1: Why is there a crawfish humping a baseball on your shirt?
Phillas: because it's funny
Texan #2: What does it say on the back of your shirt? Walkoffwalk? Shouldn't it ready walkoffhomer?
Phillas: no
Texan #2: ....
Phillas: ....
Texan #2: You're kinda wacky

So you got to meet Nolan Ryan?

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