September Not a Month to Remember (HAHA THAT RHYMES) for Brewers

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On September 1st, Americans (and Canadians!) celebrated their 24 hours of freedom from the crushing quotidian working life imposed by corporate overlords by grilling frozen hamburgers and drinking saccharine margaritas made with cheap tequila. Yes, it was Labor Day, and the Milwaukee Brewers celebrated their 80-57 record, good enough for first place in the NL Wild Card standings by a hefty five-and-a-half game margin over the fading Philadelphia Phillies. Maybe, just maybe, the Brewers would finally drink from the chalice of postseason goodness for the first time since nineteen-dickety-two!

Or maybe they'd just be victims of the September Swoon. After getting swept in four games in Philadelphia this weekend, Milwaukee is tied for the wild card lead with the Phils and just two games ahead of the surprisingly decent Astros. They've complied a miserable 3-10 record in September, and outfielder Ryan Braun is unhappy with their latest failure:

"This series was a complete and total disaster," said Braun, who conceded the NL Central title to the Chicago Cubs. "It couldn't have gone any worse. They couldn't have played any better. We couldn't have played any worse. We can only go in one direction from here. It's not going to get worse."

He then mused about the fact that Carlos Zambrano's no-hitter and the Cubs big victory came at the Brewers home park:

"They're probably drinking champagne and having a beer shower right now in our locker room while we sulk about what happened here," Braun said. "It's ironic, where we're at as a team and how we feel at the end of this series and see them celebrating a no-hitter on our field.

No, Alanis. That's not ironic. Actually, the fact that you called your series with Philadelphia a "complete and total disaster" while your rival team was playing in your own ballpark because of a real life disaster...that's a little bit closer to irony.

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You forgot to call Braun a dummy.

First making puns, now making rhymes. Fuck you eggheads! I want sports! I want regurgitated generalizations about teams, I want half-assed predictions with no factual basis, I want pseudo-scandals and screeds about why someone with a broken bone isn't playing harder because goddamn it I paid for my ticket!

Needs more Earth, Wind and Fire.

It is irony, because you'd expect the team to be celebrating in the Brewers' locker room to be the Brewers.

Irony: Too hard for most people.

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