The Regular Season Will Never End: White Sox Topple Tigers

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Alexei Ramirez may not have enough juice to beat Evan Longoria for the American League Rookie of the Year but the kid's fourth tetra tot of the season was juicy enough to keep the Chicago White Sox season alive. Detroit's Gary Glover came into the game in the fifth with the bases bloated and promptly coughed up the king dong to Ramirez, who celebrated by giving manager Ozzie Guillen what the kids are calling "high fives". Ramirez' fourth graham slam tied Albert Belle's eleven-year-old rookie record and helped his team tie a franchise record (12) for most quadro-pops in a season. Also, I just set a record for most euphemisms for 'grand slam' in a single paragraph.

So what now? The White Sox are going to host that one-game playoff with the Twins for the AL Central crown and the right to play the Rays in the ALDS. John Danks will pitch for Chicago while the Twins will send out Ozzie's favorite pitcher Nick Blackburn. As hosts, the Sox have the right to employ novelty ideas like 'blackouts':

"We will have 40,000 black rally towels, and hopefully, 40,000 fans using them in support of the team," said White Sox vice president and chief marketing officer Brooks Boyer of the unique support system. "Hopefully, it will be pretty darn intimidating, and the Twins can see how it's done Chicago style."

Oh, great. That concept worked out so well for the Georgia Bulldogs this past weekend. Ladies and gentlefolks, I present your 2008 AL Central Champion Minnesota Twins.

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"the Twins can see how it's done Chicago style."

Who is bringing enough mustard, onion, sweet pickle relish, dill pickle spears, tomato slices, peppers, and celery salt for everyone?

"the Twins can see how it's done Chicago style."

Boyer doesn't realize that stuffing the ballot box with the votes of the deceased won't help the Sox win.

Ozzie hopes that his black out is more like the first time Georgia did it last year.

stupid sexy Saban.

"the Twins can see how it's done Chicago style."

Mary Kate and Ashley find out just how far they are willing to degrade themselves for a new pair of shoes.

Iracane has the right idea. All the Sox runs today count double.

Vote/score early; vote/score often

"the Twins can see how it's done Chicago style."

That's when they put the sauce on top of the cheese, right? I never understood that.

"the Twins can see how it's done Chicago style."

Everyone on the team is from Minnesota and has an inferiority complex about not playing in New York?

Wait a minute, they are handing out towels that they are going to wave around when good plays happen. I think I have seen that before.


Yeah, the Canucks demand their royalties.

Only way this one-off could be better is if they played it in Milwaukee.

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