The Saturday Morning Post: The Sun's Yellow Stare

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poutine.jpgWhat happened last night while you took your sweet time getting to the ocean.

Phillies 3, Mets 0: You like the big games, huh? So does Brett Myers. They get him so fired up, he could snap at any time. Hopefully he joined his teammates on Coney Island last night for some tension-releasing skeeball after their big win over the Mets. Myers stuck out 10 in 8 innings, looking damn fine in the process. Brad Lidge made the 9th interesting but stranded two for the save, bringing the Phils a game closer in the division. The Marlins are like your little brother; trying hard to get in the game with the big boys, failing to realizing that you don't care if he plays or not. Sure he's out there, but you only notice if he's bleeding. Mike Jacobs tied the game with a 9th inning tot, allowing the Fish to win it in 11. They're not out of the race, but they aren't in it either.

Mariners 3, Yankees 1: Remember when a wise blogger implored Marinerds not to give up hope, that Brandon Morrow would return? Well return he did, carrying a no-hitter into the 8th inning against the Yankees in his first career start. Kid was off his ass, throwing his trademark smoke and spotting his off-speed stuff all night. He surrendered just one hit and left the game wishing Brandon Morrow was still in the bullpen to nail down the win. JJ Putz made it scary, but he made it out alive. Andy Pettitte was excellent in a losing cause, retiring the final 11 M's he faced. The Angels got waxed like your sister before a theme party, but their magic number still went down like your sister at a theme party via a loss by the second place (!) Texas Rangers.

Dodgers 7, Diamondbacks 0: I know clutch is bullshit, but Derek Lowe certainly seems like he pitches better as the stakes rise. The stakes is high in the NL West right now so Derek Lowe blew the Snakes away in Derek Lowe-ish fashion, inducing 13 ground ball outs. 8 innings of 2 hit ball is just what the kindly retired man that fills out the lineup card ordered. Also bullshit; lineup protection! Don't tell Andre Either that, the kid had 2 doubles and a tater-tot with Manny absently tracking the proceedings from the on deck circle. Either's added 100 points of OPS in the second half of the season; something Scott Boras will add into his negotiating price. The Rockies served notice that they are still very much out of the race by beating Corey Patterson 2.0 and the Astros behind more barely above-average pitching from Ubaldo Jimenez.

Jays 6, Rays 4: If the Jays are spoilers, I'd be worried about the Rays playing the role of soilers. They have a solid lock on a playoff spot; they also have a very tough schedule down the stretch. Road games (17 of 24) and tough opponents (6 Sox, 4 Twins, 3 Yanks, 2 Jays) will ensure the Rays earn their first playoff birth. 2 Alex Rios tots were the Rays undoing tonight; that and the inimitable Roy Halladay. Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell have returned to make their "undercooked roast at the Friar's club"-styled contribution to soiled sheets in Central Florida. Lowell went 3 for 5 and knocked in 4, Beckett threw 80 pitches (49 strikes) over 5 shut out innings propelling the Red Sox past the Rangers. They're only 2.5 games back with the 6 previously mentioned head-to-head games remaining.

Brewers 3, Padres 2: Sometimes a win feels like a loss. Sometimes you want Eric Gagne shipped back to Canada in a poutine-powered Pontiac. Sometimes you have to say "Hey Ned Yost, can't you see that he is terrible? He knows it, he knows the thigh-high fastball right down the gut is going out, why don't you Ned?" J.J. Hardy had the Brewers walking off, but the awful taste of Gagne remains in the mouths of cheese mavens everywhere. The Cubs believe they've raised the expectation level high enough to bust out a six game losing streak. This time the young Reds imitated the old Reds, hitting dingers and scoring runs. Studs Jay Bruce and Joey Votto gave Reds fans reason for hope, as they have most of the year. The lead is down to 4 for the Cubbies with many a road game ahead. Worrisome indeed.

Carlos Quentin, you let the whole division down. Justin Morneau hit a tetra-tot; but it isn't enough to keep The Gas Face at bay. Punching a bat Carlos? Had the Sox not straight jacked you from the D-Backs, they'd be pissed. I'd be pissed if there wasn't tonnes more baseball coming today!

(I owe a poutine to this epicurean for the photo)

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The Angels got waxed like your sister before a theme party, but their magic number still went down like your sister at a theme party


1. Poutine is so delicious that it makes my eyes tear up.

B. Bill James now says there may be something to "clutch," which makes me happy cause I like saying it.

III. Since I just listened to that whole Isis track I think I'm going to go eat coffee grounds with a spoon instead of brewing a pot.

Whafucks an isis?

Oh, and the cool thing last night? After CC struck out his last batter, the Brewers TV announcers didn't say anything. They let the crowd say everything for them. And pretty much the same thing with Gagne.

Just got back from my local big box sporting goods store. Brought my YOOUUUUUUUUK sign and everything. Asked the salesman if they had Red Sox hats. Guy looked at me as if I had three heads.


Bill James is a flip-flopper.

clutch is drinking your first High Life at 8 am

clutch is pounding a jim beam and coke before you head into the bar.

Going to see Isis is constant affirmation. Nothing but yes head nods from bearded dudes. It's a magic 8-ball with only positive answers.

Am I going to have a good time? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Should I break up with my girlfriend? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Can I be friends with Isis? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

That's clutch.

That guy sounds like Nathan Explosion.

Never had poutine, but I love me some disco fries.

Also, Clutch kicks ass, too:

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