The Sunday Morning Post: Stow Your Gaze

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rand.jpgHoly Shit! Last night the Rays clinched a playoff spot! The Rays are the pinion of the post season gears! Holy shit!

Rays 7, Twins 2: The Tampa Bay Rays are in the post season for the first time in franchise history. All it took was 10 years of complete ineptitude. Good for them. They're making life hell on the Twins in addition to making their own history. Scott Kazmir pitched a Kazmir-sized gem, all world nice guy Cliff Floyd hit a home run and Rocco Baldelli was on the field to celebrate. Jon Lester will celebrate because he's going to the playoffs too, and he won't face the Blue Jays when he gets there. Lester lost for just the second time in 8 starts, both against the Jays. Scott Rolen hit a home run and was warmly embraced by his manager. The Yankees staged a walkoff win in the afternoon so all the rampant vandalism can go under cover of night. Mariano Rivera is somewhere between 2 and 3 times as good as Frankie Rodriquez. He got the win and is the best one pitch-pitcher I'll ever see.

Cubs 5, Cardinals 4: Holy Shit! The Cubs booked their place in the post season as well. They actually clinched the division title, their second in a row. They got ahead early yesterday, scoring three runs (two unearned) on a Brian Barton error. They held onto that early lead, just like the NL Central. They've lead wire-to-wire and have the best run differential in baseball. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW THEY SCREW IT UP! I'm bored of watching the Brewers screw it up. It's gone from fascinatingly macabre like a crash test video to bizarrely uncomfortable like a porn star doin' stuff to a horse. I just don't want to watch anymore. They lost to the Reds studs again. Micah Owings drove in 2 runs in his third pinch hitting appearance. He is yet to pitch for the Reds.

Angels 7, Rangers 3: This game does not deserve your attention. Hank Blalock went 4 for 4, Garrett Anderson hit a home run. Sure, whatever. Frankie Rodriquez picked up his 60th save of the year? Wow, that record just keeps on growHE GOT ONE GUY OUT! IN A FOUR RUN GAME! This record is hollow enough to house a family of raccoons year round.

Phillies 3, Marlins 2: The Phils retook the lead in the NL East by taking this K-filled squeaker. Joe Blanton and the entire Phillies staff pitched well, totaling 16Ks. Blanton had 9 in 5 while Brad Lidge struck out the side in picking up his 39th save in 39 tries. That isn't as many as 60, you suck Lidge! The Marlins notched 12 Ks of their own but gave up a big shot that sent Shane Victorino soaring around the bases. That's him right? The Soarin' Samoan? The Mets dropped on to the Braves to fall out of the division lead. They'll be alright once the Wild Card arrives via Pony Express from Milwaukee.

The division that nobody wants gets The Gas Face today. Just win a game people. Manny hit 2 tater tots out west, dropping the Dodgers magic number to 5. Depending on the time of day, I would argue on each side of the Manny as MVP debate.*

*- not a real debate. Hopefully nobody cares.

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Stupid check boxes.

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