The Sunday Morning Post: Sweet as Saccharine

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whalebaby.jpgLast night should have gone a long way in deciding the playoff match ups. Everybody but the Phillies opted to go the maximum drama - minimum competence route. Doesn't anybody want to play in the postseason? Didn't think I'd ever see the day.

Phillies 4, Nationals 3: Champagne bukkake! Just as the pervert ordered. Jimmy Rollins turned a bad ass double play to end the game and the Phillies are the champs of the NL East. Brad Lidge was shaky but Phillies Phans threatened him with 45,177 towel-whips until he shut the door. They'll won't learn their first round opponent until tomorrow because Johan Santana is cartoonishly good. The man sacked up and pitched a gem, leaving the Mets a fighting chance to join their hated rivals in October.

AL Central 0, You -1: OMG! The division title has cooties. I don't want to touch it, YOU take it. GROSS! The team ends up watching rather than playing baseball in October has only themselves to blame. "It's only from a lack of trying" they'll say. King Meche decreed this insipid filth continues one more day by shutting down the Twins. The White Sox fell behind 7-1 but staged a late rally to bring the game within 2. Surrendering 4 runs in the following frame all but sealed our fate. Prediction: both teams lose tomorrow, forcing Chicago to make up a rainout against the Tigers. Win that and we're all treated to Attrition in the Wind - a one game playoff for the Division No One Wants.

Cubs 7, Brewers 2: Dale Sveum rolled the dice like a drunken college student at an Indian casino. While Dale Sveum's Ben Sheets gamble won't find him eating dirt until his parents send him another check, he'll think long and hard about the insidious nature of risk & reward. Sheets's first start in two weeks was a rough one, allowing the Cubs bench to knock him around for less than three innings. The damage is done and this messy business won't be clean until the end of the day.

It rained all over the AL East, home run dudes (Albert Pujols, Adam Dunn, and Miguel Cabrera) hit home runs, Greg Maddux won might could be the final regular season start of his career, and the wives of rich men made vacation plans. All in all a good night. Today's probably our last chance for shrimp; let's hope for the best.

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whale baby has fins on his legs. aerodynamic!

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