The Brewers will host the Mets today in hopes of avoiding a sweep, and they'll throw out their best right-handed-hitting lineup to counter southpaw starter Oliver Perez. Chubby first baseman Prince Fielder gets the day off after blowing donkey balls over the past six contests in which Milwaukee faced five lefties.
For the Mets, Oliver Perez is hot hot hot since the All Star break, going just 3-2 because of a sadsack Mets bullpen but doing it all with a tidy 2.95 ERA and 2.38 K:BB ratio. The last time Perez faced the Brewers, however, he got knocked around like a shantytown in a tornado, giving up a double and a homer to today's center fielder, Gabe Kapler.
Your glog, my glog, our glog starts after the jump:
Your Brewers lineup, courtesy of Tom Haudricourt:
2B Rickie Weeks
SS J.J. Hardy
CF Gabe Kapler
LF Ryan Braun
RF Corey Hart
1B Mike Rivera
3B Bill Hall
C Jason Kendall
RHP Dave Bush
Here's the Mets lineup, courtesy of the dumb boxscore:
SS Jose Reyes
LF David Murphy
3B David Wright
1B Carlos Delgado
CF Carlos Beltran
RF Ryan Church
2B Luis Castillo
C Brian Schneider
P Oliver Perez
1:55PM: Your announcers today are Bob Uecker and whoever else it is that partners up with Uecker.
2:00PM: Holy shit, the National Anthem is being played on a soprano saxophone. IS THIS KENNY G?!??
2:01PM: No, it wasn't Kenny G. It was some local schlub named Walter. I should have known it wasn't Kenny G because the anthem didn't end with a twelve minute sustained half note.
2:07PM: You ever think Uecker gets tired of reading copy for Miller Lite? I mean, he must have made thousands upon thousands of dollars back in the eighties with those awesome TV commercials, and now he's stuck calling Brewers games. Dave Bush's first pitch is a strike. Jose Reyes pops out to start the game.
2:12PM: Daniel Murphy lines a single to left then moves to third on a David Wright single to center. Uecker hasn't lost his touch, spouting off local ad after local ad between the action. Why yes, Bob Uecker, I'd love to have my gutters cleaned by professionals.
2:14PM: Carlos Delgado singles and plates Murphy. Three straight line drive singles for the Mets. 1-0 Mets.
2:17PM: Bush walks Carlos Beltran to load the bases. It's way too early in the game for the wheels to be falling off; the Brewers and Mets usually wait for the bullpen to come in for this to happen. UH-OH! Tetra tot Ryan Church. He lined one into the bullpen in right, and it's 5-0 Mets.
2:20PM: Bush collects himself, gets Luis Castillo to ground out, and then re-shits his pants, giving up a solo tater tot to catcher Brian Schneider. 6-0 Mets.
2:22PM: Oliver Perez flies out and the inning is mercifully over for Dave Bush. Just seventeen more half innings to go! Middle of first.
2:27PM: Uecker is irrationally exuberant about the Brewers' chances today. "Just a couple of base hits to get back in it." No, Bob, you'll need more than just a couple base hits. Rickie Weeks starts off the 'rally' with a walk. JJ Hardy rockets a single to left and Uecker's dreams are coming true.
2:32PM: Gabe Kapler pops out, though, to temporarily bring Uecker back down to earth. Ryan Braun flexes his muscles and takes one deep, but Church hauls it in on the warning track. Weeks moves to third, where he shall remain eternally because Corey Hart pops out. End of first.
2:37PM: With the Mets batting around in the first inning, Bush gets himself a little do-over. Reyes leads off with a gapper to left-center and motors around to third with an easy-peasy triple. Uecker mentions some free burger promotion that takes place anytime the Brewers score 5 runs. Doesn't this sound less like a promotion and more like a local health crisis? Murphy pops out and doesn't get the runner in.
2:40PM: Wright pops out as well. Reyes is getting lonely on third and just wants to join the Mets run-scoring party. It's like the Communist Party except with shorter bread lines. Carlos Delgado gets the last chance to drive in Jose...but he strikes out swinging and the Milwaukee crowd rewards Bush with huzzahs. Middle of second.
2:45PM: There is a bingo casino in Wisconsin. I don't know what this means, but I don't like the sound of it. Mike Rivera flies out. Bill Hall strikes out looking.
2:47PM: Jason Kendall started off the year batting ninth but I suppose Ned Yost's little experiment is over now. Kid flies out. End of second.
2:52PM: Carlos Beltran's career OPS is .850, while his 2008 OPS is .851. He plays a consistently above-average defense, and yet will always be known for looking at strike three in the 2006 NLCS. Poor fella. He's doing okay now, as he grounds a single through the middle. Church erases the era of good feelings by grounding into a twin killing. Stellar defense by Bill Hall, allegedly. Castillo grounds out to second. Middle of third.
2:57PM: Dave Bush lines out to start the inning but then Oliver Perez walks Rickie Weeks for the second time today. Don't slow the game down, Ollie!
3:02PM: Perez walks Hardy and now the Brewers have something...um...brewin. Let's see if Gabe Kapler can do his thing that he's supposed to do so well against lefty pitchers....and no, he doesn't, striking out swinging.
3:07PM: It must be hard to be a broadcaster when games go slowly, even harder than it is to be a liveglogger. What are you supposed to say when the catcher and pitcher have a 25 second meeting of the minds on the mound? Uecker takes the time to push Braun as a possible MVP candidate, which leads directly into Braun striking out to end the inning. Natch. End of third.
3:12PM: Brian Schneider grounds out, Perez strikes out swinging, and Jose Reyes walks, which Uecker calls a "real bad idea. With Jose Reyes, walks usually become doubles." Wow, what kind of magical power does Jose Reyes possess?
3:15PM: The Brewers have 2,999 wins in franchise history, making this their latest attempt to win #3000. That's cute. Murphy grounds out to end the inning. Middle of fourth.
3:20PM: Corey Hart flies out; his bobblehead day is coming up next week at Miller Park. Anyone want to pick one of these fuckers up for me? First baseman Rivera pops out. Bill Hall flies out. End of fourth.
3:25PM: Wright grounds out, Delgado walks, and Beltran pops out softly. THIS GAME IS DRAGGING AND BOB UECKER'S VOICE IS PUTTING ME TO SLEEP.
3:28PM: Church grounds out. Middle of fifth. It's hot in my office. I thought summer was over.
3:33PM: Finally, some action! Jason Kendall doubles into the gap! Yost is going to pull Bush outta the game and send up pinch-hitter Joe Dillon. Seth McClung is warming in the Brewers pen. Dillon goes down looking, like Carlos Beltran.
3:38PM: Rickie Weeks fouls out with a lame-ass pop-up. This is not going to get you ice cream sundaes after the game, kids. Gotta start hitting with runners in scoring pozish. JJ Hardy especially gets no ice cream, as he strikes out swinging. End of fifth.
3:43PM: I've just been handed this horrifying and infuriating note: Dustin Pedroia hit a home run in Boston. Please resume your focus on this Mets-Brewers tussle. Seth McClung is indeed the new Brewers pitcher. Oh darnit, no double switch. Castillo lines out to a leaping JJ Hardy. Schneider follows up with a single to left.
3:48PM: Perez pops up a weak one right in front of home plate that Jason Kendall wisely lets drop. He guns Schneider out at second and Perez reaches on a fielders choice. See, it was Kendall's CHOICE to FIELD that and throw out Schneider, thus leaving a pitcher to fend for himself on the basepaths with nothing but a warmup jacket to protect him. Reyes lines one to left that Braun catches with a deft flourish. Perez is stranded. Middle of sixth.
3:51PM: Kapler finally fulfills his day's destiny and laces a grounds-rule double over Beltran's head. Ryan Braun strands his fifth runner of the day with a lazy pop out. This guy is your MVP, Uecker? Corey Hart finally gets off the schneid with an RBI double, plating Kapler. 6-1 Mets.
3:56PM: Perez falls behind 3-0 on Rivera, gets two strikes on the fella, but then walks him. The Mets bullpen stirs, not unlike your local gin mill at 2PM when the mail lady comes in to drop off the power bill. I don't know what that means. Bill Hall pops out.
3:59PM: Bill Hall is OUTTA HERE. Kid slammed the bat down pretty hard, almost hitting catcher Brian Schneider on the head, and home plate ump Tom Hallion tossed Hall from the game. He's still in the dugout, and Uecker is confused as to whether or not Hall has been ejected. We'll see. Kendall flies out. End of sixth.
4:04PM: Jim Powell takes over for Uecker this inning. Time for ol' Bobby to take a dump break, I suppose. McClung is still in the game pitching for the Brewers. No word on whether or not Bill Hall has really been tossed. McClung walks Murphy to lead off the inning. Wright strikes out, Murphy busts for second, and Kendall throw him out stealing.
4:07PM: Delgado grounds out and it's seventh inning stretch time again!
Middle of seventh.
4:12PM: Angel Salome is up, making his big league debut. Oliver Perez gets him to fly out, and then serves his head to Herod. Or something. Duaner Sanchez is warming up in the Mets bullpen. Rickie Weeks pops out to Reyes. Hardy sends a ding-dong over Beltran's head! 6-2 Mets.
4:17PM: Kapler walks. With Ryan Braun coming up and Perez reaching the 115 pitch mark, Jerry Tranuel is going to the bullpen. Get ready for RHP Joe Smith, people of Blogtown!
4:20PM: Smith has not allowed a run in his last twelve outings. This is a specious claim, though, because it doesn't speak about runs he gives up that get charged to others. Or it doesn't really talk about his hidden abilities, like balancing dishes or juggling babies. Smith gets Braun to strike out, though, and Braun has now stranded six runners. End of seventh.
4:25PM: Mitch Stetter is the new Brewers pitcher. Yes, that is a person's name. Stetter. He's a lefty, and he's got douchey facial hair. Beltran walks to lead off the inning then Stetter gets Church to go down swinging.
4:30PM: Luis Castillo works the count full, then fouls off a coupla pitches because he hates me and doesn't want this game to end, and then picks up a walk. Whew, that was quite the at-bat. Fernando Tatis will come in to pinch hit for Brian Schneider.
4:35PM: Tatis pops out. Nick Evans comes on to pinch hit in the pitcher's spot. The Mets pull off the double steal, with Beltran going to third and Castillo to second. Man, Kendall was taken quite aback by that move. Evans grounds one through the hole and two runs score. 8-2 Mets. Reyes fouls out. Middle of eighth.
4:40PM: Duaner Sanchez is your new Mets pitcher. Lets see if the Brewers can finally put together that rally that Uecker has been wanting all game. Corey Hart grounds out, Rivera grounds out, and it's up to Bill Hall's replacement Matt Gamel, making his ML debut.
4:43PM: Gamel strikes out. End of eighth. Also, End of glog. Not even the METS bullpen can fuck up a six run lead in the ninth inning. Thanks for joining me again today. Readers, commenters, you all make this thing worthwhile.