Wednesday Afternoon Liveglog Club: Liveglog Mashup

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There are five games going on this afternoon and I just couldn't choose which one to follow. So I said to myself, "Self, instead of doing a shitty job covering one of these games for the Liveglog Club, you should do an extra-shitty job covering all five of them!" I've got to figure out a way to silence that voice in my head. It's always getting me into jams.

I will do my best to catch you up in what happened during the beginning of the A's-Tigers game and the Brewers-Reds contest. But mostly I'll just be making Bob Uecker jokes. As for the Yankees game, well, I'll mind my P's and Q's this time and try my hardest not to curse out Rex Hudler and/or our commenters.

CTC gave y'all a good rundown of what's what, but to recap:

    Athletics (66-78) @ Tigers (70-75), 1:05pm
    Reds (66-79) @ Brewers (82-63), 2:05pm
    Yankees (77-68) @ Angels (87-57), 3:35pm
    D'backs (71-73) @ Giants (64-80), 3:45pm
    Marlins (73-72) @ Phillies (79-66), 4:05pm

This is either the greatest idea in the history of glogging or we may end creating an enormous black hole with the collision of so many particles of glog. SUPERCOLLIDER after the jump:

3:00PM: In the A's contest, Sean Gallagher had a nice little no-hitter going, but was pulled after four. Why? Loading the bases twice on walks will up your pitch count a bit. He left after allowing six walks and collecting six strikeouts on 88 pitches. A's lead 5-0 in the sixth on two ding-dongs (Sweeney and Cust).

3:05PM: As for the Reds/Brewers tussle, CC Sabathia drove in a run on a fielders choice after Jay Bruce made an awful throwing error. Bruce's oopsie on a Jason Kendall flyout allowed Craig Counsell to scamper to third. Note: the Reds are down to just one position player from their spring training depth chart after Brandon Phillips went down with a borkened finger: Edwin Encarnacion. 1-0 Brewers in the fourth.

3:10PM: Sabathia is cruising. Just one hit allowed through four innings. Uecker, however, is not pleased with the Brewers power outage. They have something like two hits in their last 39 innings. (STATISTICS MAY BE EXAGGERATED). Miguel Cabrera picked up the first Tiger hit in the sixth inning in Detroit. Teammates Matt Joyce and Mike Hessman followed with singles to load the bases and the Tigers are threatening the A's bullpen. Not literally. That's terrorism, y'all.

3:15PM: Santiago Casilla relieves base-loader Jerry Blevins and is pitching to Marcus Thames. Holy shit, Thames lines a screamer to third baseman Jeff Baisley who snares it and doubles up Hessman at first. That would have been a rally killer, but Ryan Raburn doubles to left and scores two. 5-2 A's.

3:20PM: Gabe Kapler gets a two-out single in Milwaukee, but Bronson Arroyo strikes out Mike Cameron swinging. Seriously, where has all the offense gone? Does Sabathia have to do all the work for those tofu-swilling dorkbots? Andy Phillips and Ryan Hanigan single to lead off for the Reds in the fifth.

3:25PM: Alan Embree came on in relief for the A's to retire Curtis Granderson on a lazy fly ball, while Sabathia got Arroyo to strike out. However, Jerry Hairston makes it all okay for Dusty as he lines a three-run tater tot into the seats. Reds lead 3-1. Parallel gloggin's hard, y'all! And holy shit, there are two more games starting in the next twenty minutes.

3:30PM: Sabathia strikes out Joey Votto for the third time on the day to send that contest to the equatorial middle of the fifth. MEANWHILE, someone named Chris Lambert is the new Tigers pitcher out in the D. I can picture myself abandoning that game permanently once the Angels-Yankees match commences. Raise your hands if you care. Okay, didn't think so.

3:35PM: Bob Uecker is talking about lemonade and limeade. This is how bad things have gotten for the Brewers. Still, Counsell leads off with a single. Kendall follows with a pop-out, bringing up Sabathia...who doubles to the right field corner! Counsell is held at third. Sabathia may not be the best pitcher in the NL, but he's the most valuable fatso in the entire state of Wisconsin. No doubt. N.B.: Dale Sveum is the third base coach for the Brewers who held up Counsell. Ray Durham walks to load the bases, as Dustin Moseley gets ready to throw the first pitch out in Anaheim.

3:36PM: Arroyo gets out of the Jam when J.J. Hardy grounds into a 6-4-3 double play. How do you feel now, Sveum? Still 3-1 Reds, end of fifth.

3:40PM: Moseley's first pitch is a strike to John Damon. Also, I lied about that Rex Hudler thing. Fuck him in the pants. Damon grounds out. Figgins, Hunter, and Teixeira are out of the lineup for the Angels today, while Aybar and Kendrick are just plain hurt. Derek Jeter walks on four straight balls. Ouch, I feel bad for those two dudes.

3:45PM: Rex Hudler sounds like a goddamned self-help guru. On meth. The tone in his voice is reminiscent of someone trying to encourage you to quit your job and go on a spiritual retreat to "find yourself". Fuck you, Rex. Bobby Abreu walks. Out in Milwaukee, Gabe Kapler is out of the game with an apparent leg injury. He was replaced by Tony Gwynn Jr. Uecker hopes it's a strain and not a tear. Doesn't he always! Sabathia is in more trouble, giving up a double to Encarnacion and a single to Bruce.

3:50PM: Andy Phillips grounds one slowly to Counsell at third who comes home with it to nail Encarnacion at the plate, earning the praise of Bobby Uecker. Hanigan lines out to end the Reds threat. In Anaheim, Alex Rodriguez struck out swinging, but Jason Giambi singles to score Jeter. Abreu scores on a Moseley balk. Xavier Nady strikes out to end the rally. Meanwhile, out in the city by the bay, Brad Hennessey's first pitch is a strike to Stephen Drew.

3:55PM: Back to Milwaukee! (let me never say those words out loud) Ryan Braun leads off the bottom of the sixth with a groundout. His slugging percentage has fallen 24 points since August 29th, the date of his last dong. Fielder strikes out swinging. Out in Detroit, Huston Street pitched a scoreless inning of relief as the A's still lead 5-2. No, he's not the closer anymore. Fella pitched the seventh. Diamondbacks are rallying with two walks in the first off Hennessey.

4:00PM: Arroyo is through six innings, maintaining that 3-1 Reds lead. Out in Anaheim, Andy Pettitte is working with a 2-0 lead. I have no idea what is happening because the MLB gizmo is not updating for me. Something about a man on first. Oh, Juan Rivera on first with two outs and a run in. Make that three outs. That's 2-1 Yanks after one. Out in the D, Waking Joey Devine retired three Tigers in the eighth to send that contest to the ninth.

4:05PM: Okay, Dusty Baker has no intentions of pulling Arroyo before he reaches 120 pitches. Kid just went up there and got on base with a bunt single. Either the Reds bench is as barren as Barbara Bush's ovaries or Baker wants to see Arroyo's arm fall off. Note: he's got 101 pitches after six innings pitched. Hairston pops out. Keppinger lines a single to center, Arroyo to second. Here comes Ned Yost and trainer Dan Wright to check on Sabathia, looking at his left hand. Everything is okay, as the gentlemen retreat to the dugout. Uecker guesses it's a blister. Here's Joey Votto looking to avoid strikeout #4 on the day.

4:10PM: Giants are rallying in San Fran with a walk and a hit off Danny Haren. He stinks lately. He gives it up more than a 15 year old at Jewish summer camp. After getting two outs, he loads the bases on a walk to Travis Ishikawa. Hey, it's Jon Miller doing the call! Whee! In Milwaukee, Kapler's injury was an apparent neck/shoulder ouchie, not a leg ouchie. I ain't no creampuff reporter, that's for sure. Sabathia gets Votto to ground out, stranding two. Seventh inning stretch time!

4:15PM: Haren faces Aaron Rowand with the bases loaded, but Rowand strikes out swinging at what would have been ball four. Thirty-five pitches for Haren after one. Meanwhile, the Phils and Marlins get underway in Philly as Brett Myers gives up a leadoff double to Hanley Ramirez, who is eliminated on a LuGo fielders choice. Dan Uggla doubles, moving LuGo to third, and Myers is under fires.

4:20PM: The Tigers/A's game is D-U-N done, with the A's prevailing 5-2. Huston Street gets the win and Brad Ziegler picks up his eighth save. The Angels are making noise against Pettitte again, creating a two-out rally. They've got runners on second and third with Gary Matthews at the plate. Matthews flies out to end the threat. Jeff Keppinger makes a throwing error in Milwaukee that lets Mike Cameron score. 3-2 Reds with one out in the bottom of the seventh. Baker pulls Arroyo. Wait, only 113 pitches. Baker's trip to the mound was just a social visit. Brad Nelson is pinch hitting for Sabathia, making his Major League debut. Kid's 26 and from Iowa, and he flies out.

4:25PM: Durham grounds out to end the Brewers inning. The Marlins came up short with their first inning rally, as Myers got Mike Jacobs and Josh Willingham to strike out. Damon walks to lead off the third in Anaheim. Rex Hudler is falling head-over-heels in praise of Jeter. "He's a good human being, too". How would you know, Rex? Three things we know: Jeter can hit, Jeter is sexy, and Jeter keeps his mouth shut. For all we know he could be a sexual deviant. Damon gets picked off...oops! CTC blames Tony Pena. Jeter singles. Guillermo Mota replaces Sabathia on the mound in Milwaukee.

4:30PM: I fucked up somewhere in this glog. Turns out Joey Votto has FOUR strikeouts on the day and FIVE gentlemen left on base. If the Brewers end up winning this thing, Sabathia won't get the W but he'll be lauded for keeping the team within reach. CC's line: 7 IP, 8 H, 3 ER, 1 BB, 8 K. Mota strikes out Bruce to start the eighth. Pinch-hitter and WoW favorite Corey Patterson grounds out. Pinch-hitter Danny Richar lines out to end the Reds inning. Back in Anaheim, Bob Abreu strikes out looking. Rex Hudler says there was "hair" on the inside fastball. Sounds like cheating to me! A-Rod nearly slams a dong but Garret Anderson pulls it in at the 387 foot sign.

4:35PM: Patterson and Richar stay in the game defensively for the Reds in the bottom of the eighth. David Weathers is the new Redleg reliever. J.J. Hardy leads off with a single up the middle. Here's Ryan Braun. Slumpy McGroundout, I call him. Braun walks, giving Milwaukee two on with no out and Prince Fielder coming to bat. Walkoff Walk favorite Salomon Torres is warming in the pen. Fielder singles to left center. Bases loaded, no out. The Phillies get on the board with a Ryan Howard solo tater tot. 1-0 Phillies.

4:40PM: Tony Gwynn GIDP's but a run scores and the game is tied 3-3. Hardy in, Braun to third, Fielder out at second. Mike Cameron lines one to left and the Brewers take a 4-3 lead. The Diamondbacks get on the scoreboard on a Stephen Drew home run. 1-0 Diamondbacks.

4:45PM: Craig Counsell lines one to right-center that Patterson snares with a lovely catch, as per Uecker. End of 8, 4-3 Brewers. Here comes Salomon Torres to attempt to save this contest! Still 2-1 Yanks in Anaheim (4th), still 1-0 Diamondbacks in San Fran (3rd), still 1-0 Phillies in Philly (3rd), but I'm staying with the Brewers-Reds tussle.

4:50PM: Wilkin Castillo pinch hits for Hanigan. Fella's got six hits in the series already. He's batting .615 since being called up. Torres strikes him out. One down. Javier Valentin pinch hits for Weathers. Chris Dickerson is in the on-deck circle, set to pinch-hit for Hairston. Torres strikes out Valentin swinging. Two down.

4:55PM: Torres gets Dickerson to strike out swinging! Mota gets the win and Torres gets his 22nd save. Brewers win 4-3. And that'll do it for our Liveglog Mashup! Hope this wasn't as confusing for you as it was for me. Thanks for joining us, readers and commenters.


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55 Comments

Even if this is the worst glog ever it will still be a better mash up that that Linkin Park/Jay-z abortion.

Patterson isn't leading off today.

enter the mash pit!

B-b-but... if you're liveglogging so many different games, who will keep me abreast of what magnificent deals on auto financing are currently being offered in the greater Milwaukee area?!

Welcome to the gloggerdome.

Tigers are threatening the A's bullpen

YOU SAW WHAT WE DID TO ROY, MOTHERFUCKERS. YOU'RE NEXT.

Ruh roh... does a Brewers power outage mean the deep fryers aren't working? Folks in Milwaukee gon' be PIIIISSSED...

@futuremrsrickankiel: the game on TV is being shown on a local station back in Milwaukee and on FSN elsewhere so instead of all the local area ads on FSN (southWEST Wisconsin), they have all the Milwaukee ads on today.

The Reds are now playing ONE position player from opening day. The illustrious Edwin Encarnacion. True story.

And the Phillies are 79-66!

This is like the Red Zone channel, except with less moving pictures and more witty commentary.

Here's the difference, Bob: If it looks like lemonade, you should probably drink more water; if it looks like limeaid, you should probably get yourself to urgent care.

I had to have my sveum removed. It became inflamed.

@Honeynut - and with more Italians.

Chris Lambert came to Detroit via the Mike Maroth deal.

Anyone remember Mike Maroth?

remember when Dale Sveum played for the Yankees? Neither does anyone else.

I have been raising my hand the WHOLE TIME re: A's/Tigers.

@ILPHAPH, add me to that list of Italians

I'm pretty sure A-Rod has just given up.

@ILPHAPH

Third on the eye-tie bandwagon. It's like the Feast of San Gennaro up in this bitch!

/pounds Red bull, heads to local salumeria to grab some hot capicola

Dagos-a-poppin!

Mamma-mia, I gott-a no job!

SOIME OF MY BEST DOCTORS HAVE BEEN ITALIAN

Some of my best shoes have been Italian. And leather sofas.

Here comes the grease ball

TIM KURKJIANS PENIS HAS JUST EATIN MY PET RABBIT, HOPPY JONES

I wonder if Kurkjian's penis has as much trouble pronouncing his own name as his owner does.

Fear and Loathing in Todd Jones' condo, it sounds like.

He gives it up more than a 15 year old at Jewish summer camp.

I keep telling teams not to sign 15 year old Jewish Summer Camp attendees as starting pitchers.

OHHHHHHHHH....

So let me get this straight so far: CC Sabathia got a blister while striking out Xavier Nady, but Dusty Brown appears determined to leave him in the game until Huston Street can come in to close out the game by striking out Johnny Damon Stephen Drew, and an injured Gabe Kapler, ; meanwhile, the Phillies suck and won't touch a playoffs berth with Jimmy Rollins' dick.

That about it?

@FMRA

Serve that with a delicious side dish of broccoli rabe, and you're golden.

FORGOT THE RABBIT EATIN PENIS THAT EATS RABBITS

A-ron Rowand, you're killin' Hennessey's chance for the W! How will teh Giants survive without a W for Hennessey!?

And no, Street hasn't been the closer for awhile.

Myers is under Fries? Crab fries? THEY'RE DELIGHTFUL.

Oh, fires. Nevermind. Booo Brett Myers.

I just put the Phils game on and someone in my building also had the Cin-Mil tilt on an alternate channel. I COULD HAVE BEEN WATCHING BASEBALLERS THIS WHOLE TIME AND I DIDN'T KNOW IT.

@Gorge - I think that is spelled r-a-P-e.
Broccoli rape. Like wallaby rape, except you won't end up on the DL.
But you may want to keep it on the DL.

Anyone else hate Gmail these days?

@Fartie
No but I love Shemales.

I'm guessing Todd Jones still uses an aol mail account.

If the tribe had kept CC they'd be 3 games out now, tops, and on the freakin warpath. Sigh.

Where would they be if they still had Blake?

A-Rod nearly slams a dong

...

BIG DONG RYAN HOWARD.

@palehos
Stodgy Italians refer to is as Broccoli di Rape (rah-pay), but most of us medigans call it Broccoli Rabe.

I love gmail.

I chat with all my pals.

0_O

Jesus. David Weathers pitched his first MLB game in 1991. That is a long time ago.

Blake wasn't exactly the straw that stired the drink, but he did look more like Bert Blyleven than any other Indian, so he had that going for him.

I live right by Google and know a lot of people that work there. Being the contrarian dick that I am, I hate it on most days. But now that it has been shitting on me the last few days anytime I try and sign in, I actually have a real reason to hate it.

And David Weathers' dad was awesome in Action Jackson.

I wonder if Phony Gwynn has a son that tried to follow in his foot steps but is a huge disappointment like Tony Gwynn has?

Chief
Does Blake like to pound down Coors Light and talk about the old days too?

Luis Gonzalez just hit a 2-run funny bone. When he and Hanley got in the dugout, Gonzo scolded Hanley for showing up the pitcher by not hustling 'round the bases. Hanley looked irritated/confused/gangsta.

This five-games-at-once glog is the best thing since powdered creampuffs!


Crew wins, Torres doesn't blow it this time. Sadly Sabathia didn't get the win this time around but is still undefeated.

@TehStats: The creampuffs at the Wisconsin State Fair have powdered sugar on top.

What? I jinxed it! :(

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