What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGGather round children, for What's Up Creampuff is getting as old and creaky as the milquetoasts it chronicles. After today's installment there will be but one more time I can parade these invalids through the Walkoff Walk town square in an orgy of mocking, riducule and hyperlinks to newspaper stories. So savor this one kids. Savor the sweet, sweet pain.

  • Daniel Cabrera, Orioles: The O's big righty is getting shut down with a strain in his elbow. Kid was due to be the next big thing but struggled with his control so much, that people kind of gave up. Well they left too soon because this year he... oh. His WHIP actually went up while his K/9IP went down. Still had a more productive year than Erik Bedard.

  • Mike Lowell, Red Sox: Lowell's torn hip thing pulled him out of the lineup for the last game in Tampa. He woke up feeling worse yesterday but still traveled with the team to Toronto. The doctor's think he'll be able to play through it. But let's keep in mind, this is his doctor.

  • Jeff Francis, Taylor Buchholz, Rockies: How poorly did Rockies GM Dan O'Dowd mishandle his talent this year. Granted, the NL West was asstrocious, but O'Dowd made Ed Wade look like a pessimist by not dealing anyone this year. Not that Francis or Buchholz were discussed as going anywhere, but I needed to get that off my chest. Francis and Buchholz are both being shut down.

  • Shutdown, The Band: Still tough guys. No creampuffs here.

  • Nomar Garciaparra, Dodgers: Nomar took a spill and sprained his knee. Things look ok, and he should be ready this weekend, but I have to put him in Creampuff no matter what. It's in my contract.

  • Ben Sheets, Brewers: The Crew is unsure of Sheets' availability which translates to: "If we lose all of our games until his next start, he's out for the year. If we win them all he'll pitch all 9." So my guess is medically, he's fine, but stay tuned.

  • Damion Easley, Mets: This one is kind of sad. Easley tore his quad and is pessimistic about his chances to return this year. He's been in the league for FIFTEEN YEARS without playing in a postseason game, the longest active streak of its kind. So if the Mets make it but he's on the bench, he'll be in Frowntown.

  • Carl Pavano, Yankees: Pavano left the game last weekend to a chorus of boos, but is apparently on track to make his start today. What could possibly go wrong?

  • Erik Patterson, A's: Patterson, a member of WoW's Royal Family, is out for the rest of the season with a strained right hamstring that he injured on the basepaths. He probably did it after taking a base on balls.

  • Rick Ankiel, Cardinals: Ankiel is having hernia surgery today. In his honor, please watch this. 2:37 FTW.

  • Shaun Marcum, Blue Jays: Marcum has some sort of mystery arm ailment that could potentially put next year in jeopardy. THE CURSE OF CTC IS REAL.


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13 Comments

Goddammit, I loved Weird Al when I was 12.

@Freetzy - if by 12, you mean 34, then I concur.

That song is genius.

I once saw Weird Al get shot down trying to get into Limelight, he kept saying "But I'm Weird Al" and the dooeman replied "I know".

Ha, more ecstasy and 15 year old Long Island chicks for Wahoo!

Why wouldn't they let him into a Charlie Chaplin movie?

Dr. Nick Riviera thinks Easley will be just fine, everybody!

CTC: He was too colorful.

To this day I still remember the "Spatula City" skit from one of his earlier albums and, even worse, wished it really existed.

It makes me happy that you were able to incorporate your love of Shutdown into a real post

The reverb on that head slap in the Spatula City commercial is amazing. I wonder what the foley artist had to slap.

Lloyd,

I'm hoping in next week's Creampuff, Fear and Weapons will Meet.

Weird Al and John Madden - Cal Poly Alums.

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