October 2008 Archives

Walkoff Walk commenter and gadabout Honeynut Ichiros is on the scene in Philadelphia today for the big Phillies victory parade and graciously offered to liveglog it for us. Of course, his shitty Blackberry spewed out every single update in one fell swoop to my email box, so it's less of a liveglog and more of a data dump. Enjoy!

12:26: Through much squeezing and pushing, I have now worked my way to the front of the crowd. The air is thick with joy and PBR. Teens are passing brown-bagged spirits around like homeless at a bonfire. And it's unsasonably warm, like the snow that fell in Princeton on Tuesday never happened.
1232: The twenty year olds behind me are seeing who can pound their beers the fastest. The current chant is "loser blows the winner." No girls are involved.
1240: Woooo! The parade is coming! Screeeeeeaaaaaaaam!
1245: the first cars came by to raucous applause. Just some tow trucks. Hope nobodys parked in a loading zone.
1246: Anything that moves gets a yell from the crowd. A Snack truck for the cops passed by, handing out sodas for the boys in blue, and its as if Hamels himself is driving.
1250: 50 cops on bikes just rolled by. Parking enforcement?
1251: A ghetto bird flys overheaf. Today WAS a good day.
1256: Woooo. First bus is passing us. Who's on it?. Oh, some old guys who work for WYSP. That makes sense.
1257: A passing reporter just got a show your tits chant. Didn't work. I think she was tempted, though.
1259 ITS Pat the Bat! On an old horse-drawn fire truck! ANd he brought his bulldog. Oooooh and awwwww.
101- a float with a bunch of Phillies ballgirls comes by. More show your tits. Nope, these gals are on the clock.
102 mayor michael nutter and the trophy come past. Some short girl just envied my stature (I'm 6'4"). Practice practice practice.
102: Greg Dobbs and Jaime Moyer! The stars are out tonight!
103 - Chase Utley and Ryan Howard are on the same float! Tastycakes and Subway, envision the synergy!
105- Holy shit! Jayson Werth was drinking an original Coors. Fuckin a. Almost makes up for the skidmark on your chinny chin chin.
107: J Roll is a bit subdued, dude. I expect more out of the sparkplug.
108 aaaaaand that's all she wrote. Ten minutes of bliss, I suppose. How rad. I never saw Cole Hamels or Victorino, tho. There were only 3 floats with players on them. He must have been on the other side. All I got was crummy old Geoff Jenkins.
125 working my way thru the crowd, walking against traffic on Broad St. Just got my 10th whiff of weed. If this city is gonna burn, it gonna smell sticky sweet.

Thanks, Honeynut! (picture stolen from Philly.com)

And also from Rob and me. Trick or Treat, you bastards.



We're taking the rest of the day off as our postseason vacation. Weekend WoW with that Canadian fellow is on hiatus until the Spring. Don't worry, Lloyd will still be here each week dropping some knowledge. So check back on Monday. We'll be back with WoW 1.3: The Offseason. Whee!

UPDATE: The twerps disabled embedding. Click here.

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

• A.J. Burnett Hates the Yankees: Do you blame him? He's exactly the kind of signing fans in the Bronx would love...for about 20 seconds. A pitcher in the decline signing for a huge wad of cash? Thanks, but we've already had our fill of Kevin Brown, Jaret Wright, Carl Pavano, Roger Clemens II, David Wells, and Randy Johnson.
  
  
• Manny, Many Other Folks Filed Free Agency: Yesterday was the first chance for free agents to file, and their prior teams have a two-week window to negotiate with them before they're sent out into the wild. The Dodgers will most likely lose Derek Lowe and Manny Ramirez, but they'll need to keep Joe Beimel or Troy will go apeshit.
  
  
• Marlins, Royals Consummate First Trade, No One Notices: Well, almost no one. Florida first-bagger Mike Jacobs will knock Billy Butler to DH in Kansas City, while Marlins pick up someone who allegedly has pitched in the majors for a few years. News to me!
  
  
• Nationals Cut Closer Chad Cordero: Another former Expo leaves the Washington roster. If memory serves me right, Nick Johnson is the only player left on the team who played for Montreal back in 2004. Cordero had labrum surgery this past year but is one of the most accomplished closers in franchise history. Translation: he'll be a failed Met reliever next year.
  
  
• Should Jake Peavy Stay Or Should He Go?: Sorry, Braves fans. Seems like the Padres want too much in return for the stud pitcher, and the stud pitcher is being too wishy-washy about which teams he wants to play for. If I were Jake, I wouldn't want to leave San Diego either. The fish tacos are supreme.

Players of note who were cut by their teams: Ken Griffey Jr., Toby Hall, and Edgar Renteria. Get 'em while they're hot!

Hey kids, here comes the sun.

• WHAT will your favorite team do to improve for next year? Mine needs a catcher.


• WILL the Phillies repeat next year? I guess any champion has a chance, except for the Marlins.


• DO you wanna meet me at Rockefeller Center so we can watch Midwestern tourists bust ass on that skating rink?


• MITTENS or gloves?


• ARE you already pumped for the World Baseball Classic? I'm not!


• WHO caters the Winter GM Meetings?


• WHAT THE CRAP ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT UNTIL SPRING TRAINING?

Don't worry about that last one. We'll have brand new original stuff every day, all winter. It'll still be a lot of baseball and a little bit of the human condition. We started this thing in February so we have some experience with writing when there are no games. How do you think we discovered that In-N-Out bullshit?

So stop by tomorrow. Same WoW time, same WoW channel. See ya later, '08 season!

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• D-mac's animated GIF proves that Shane Victorino is a flying squirrel. Philadelphia Will Do.
  
  
• D-mac also has video of the bash on Broad Street last night. Philadelphia Will Do.
  
  
• Matthew Cerrone extends a hearty congrats to the Phillies organization and then throws the fanbase under the bus. Metsblog sponsored by GEICO.
  
  
• David Pinto shares his thoughts about why the Phillies won. Baseball Musings.
  
  
• One more D-Mac link, I swear this is the last one. Charlie Manuel wears a jaunty hat. Philadelphia Will Do
  
  
• Our other Philly pal Matt P. shares another photo montage. The 700 Level.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh are celebrating too. Not the Phillies win, mind you. It's Diwali! The Million Dollar Arm Blog.
  
  
• Phillies fans and haters alike can celebrate with stuff dipped in BACONNAISE. Serious Eats.

Don't fret, the Linkpunch isn't going anywhere this offseason. If you have something you'd like us to punch up, just send us an email at tips@walkoffwalk.com and we'll use 'em.

Remember that insane 10+ minute brawl in a minor league game back in July? It was Peoria vs. Dayton and we had the video right here. There was a laundry list of injuries from the game, none crazier than the fan that was sent to the hospital with a concussion after Peoria pitcher Julio Castillo hit him in the melon with a fastball.

It's easy to explain. You see Castillo was trying to hit another player in the face with the ball and just missed! And if having control problems is wrong... well yes, in this case it's very wrong. It's two counts of felony assault.

A minor-league pitcher accused of throwing a ball that hit a fan in the forehead was indicted yesterday on two counts of felonious assault.

The Chiefs are an affiliate of the Chicago Cubs, and Castillo remains in the Cubs' organization.

A Montgomery County grand jury indicted Castillo on one count of felonious assault with a deadly weapon and one count of felonious assault causing serious physical harm.

Castillo was attempting to hit a Dayton player in the dugout, but instead struck the fan in the head, according to the Montgomery County prosecutor's office.

Hear that people? A baseball is A DEADLY WEAPON. If you'll excuse me I'm going to go use one to try and rob a liquor store. After that I'm going to recruit an phalanx of ball throwers to fight back against Graeme Lloyd's Bat Wielding Dark Army.

WoW BFF Dmac brings us this compelling video of some gentle souls in Philly flipping what appears to be an '01 Civic (?) after last night's clincher.

Here's a fun Liakos story. In 2004, I was living in Tallahassee but came back to Boston for the World Series. I didn't go to any games, I just wanted to be in town. I watched the clinhcer at the Cask & Flagon (before it sucked) and it was crazy. I decided to take a cab back to Allston, which was a terrible move. I had to walk the opposite direction to Mass Ave, because Kenmore square was straight up closed. I got into a cab that was not moving because the streets were filled with people. Approximately 45 seconds after getting into the backseat the car began to rock, I braced myself and we flipped over. Thankfully my window was down. I crawled out, swung at some people and took off running down the street. I thought the car was going to explode because I had spent most of that summer playing Grand Theft Auto. Good times.

News out of Milwaukee says the Brewers will announce Ken Macha as their new manager, possibly today. Make that paper stack, Kenny!

Macha had four decent years in Oakland, but is easily the least exciting hire out of the final four candidates for this job. He is the human equivalent of beige. But hey, he kind of looks like Joe Maddon, and Joe had a good year. So that's something.

Dodgers second baseman Jeff Kent probably doesn't care much for politics. He's usually too busy talking trash about Vin Scully or tooling around on his hog to get involved in the political process, and who can blame him? He's a professional baseball player, not a consarned community activist!

But with the threat of same-sex marriage on the horizon in California, Kent is putting his money where his foul mouth is, donating $15,000 to support Proposition 8, which would impose a state constitutional amendment defining marriage as being between a man and a woman. Because if we let the gays get married, what's next, letting a man marry a dog? Amirite? Amirite?

Seriously, folks, we don't hide our political affiliations here at Walkoff Walk. If you've read us for even just one month, you know where CTC and I stand on most issues. We try to not preach to our readers about politics, or music taste, or cinema, or television or anything. We're a baseball blog. Yes, we may suggest certain things with our words, pictures, and videos, but we don't want to offend our readership by telling you what to do...until now.

We are firmly against Proposition 8 and, were we Californians, we would vote no on this heinous matter. Were we Californians, we'd also probably share a bungalow in Santa Rosa and spend our weekends at the wineries and restaurants in Napa and Sonoma, but that's a matter for a different day. We disagree with Mr. Kent's stand and wish he had spent that $15,000 on something more worthwhile, like a 17-day European cruise with our own Todd Jones. Folks, regardless of if you agree with us, get out there and vote on Tuesday.

(We owe some Frescas to BBTF Newsblog)

If you haven't been perusing the YouTubes for videos of Philadelphia "people" celebrating their win last night, you're missing out. I'll be doing my best to pass the savings on to you today.

Get a load of this dope. The video title describes him as a Rays fan, but he's shirtless so you really can't tell. He gets hit with a bottle in the spot where it does least amount of damage. Enjoy!

Here's footage of legendary Phillies broadcaster Harry Kalas calling the final out of the World Series last night, as his partner Chris Wheeler fights off invisible vampire bats.

(Thanks, D-mac)

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• What was with all that wacky bunting last night? Jimmy Rollins made no bones about his sixth inning bunt that moved Jayson Werth to third. In his postgame interview, he basically said there was no way he would have swung away in that situation. Sure, the Phils scored the run, but what if Rollins had gotten an actual base hit? Isn't the chance of a big inning that much more important in the sixth, as opposed to the eighth? I'm not going to second guess Joe Maddon on the J.P. Howell bunt, because that's just cruel.
  
  
• Did the voters get it right with the MVP award? Sure. Cole Hamels earned that thing for two stunningly great appearances in the World Series, but also earned some votes because of his entire playoff run. Kid nearly won two games, and no single position player added as much value as Hamels over the course of the World Series. Hopefully, he can take this sucker to the bank.
  
  
• How huge was the Utley play? Utley made a web gem and Carlos Ruiz made a great tag, but that was really a baserunning gaffe by Jason Bartlett. I'm not even sure if Bartlett saw Utley pump-fake to first base, but it was a mistake for him to head home on that play.
  
  
• What's next for the Phillies? Well, there's a parade on the horizon, but most importantly, there's a pinata that needs to be busted wide open.
  
  
• What will become of Walkoff Walk in the offseason? It may be a long while before meaningful baseball games are played again, but baseball coverage at Walkoff Walk will not take a backseat for a second. We'll continue to write original material for you, cover free agent signings and trades, and maybe even throw some recipes your way. Morning Answers is done for now but tune in tomorrow for your first Hot Stove Update.

Here's what happened in Philadelphia while you were snuggled in bed with your pajama pants and teddy bear:

• A Phillies fan robbed a bank in a quest to get some cold hard cash to pay for Phillies playoff gear at a Modells store. No telling whether he posed with a Red Sox hat and a Youuuuuuk sign before he left.
  
  
• A drunk driver slammed into a police cruiser in Center City, sending two police officers to the hospital with neck and back ouchies. What's up, Officer Creampuffs?
  
  
• The fire department extinguished a dumpster fire outside a Starbucks. Mistakenly, of course, because the Phillies fans were just roasting some Italian beans for the morning commute.
  
  
• According to Phillyburbs.com, "Windows were smashed at a bank and luggage store in the downtown shopping district. At least two cars were overturned, the windows of a TV van were smashed, dozens of huge streetside planters were flipped over and some bus shelters were damaged or destroyed," but police still have no total number of arrests made. Here's a hint: you'll need three digits.
  
  
• And if you parked your car on Broad Street last night, you got what you deserved:
  
  

I'll call my sister later this morning to see how the Art Museum neighborhood held up last night.

Picture stolen from my boss, A.J. Daulerio of Deadspin

So that's how you live like this, Phillies fans. Thanks, Doug Pensinger of Getty Images.

Welcome back, folks! It's the bottom of the sixth, Grant Balfour is on the mound, Charlie Manuel is deciding on a pinch hitter, and Overmanagin' Joe Maddon has scripted his plans for the remainder of the game as if there were some Euripidean tragedy (hint: it's not Euripidean, it's got more Sophoclean irony than anything).

Consider yourself lucky if you're reading this glog and watching the game because most folks just don't care. That's their problem, though, because this World Series has been fun and competitive, despite the weather delays and low ratings. Low ratings? Who cares! Not my money!

If you missed Monday night's action and need to catch up, take a peek at this epic liveglog with some of the best comments we've ever received. Enough chit-chat! Let's get to it, gloggers!

Hey kids, time's tide will smother you

• WHO will be the first hitter in the bottom of the sixth? I'm guessing Matt Stairs, but it could just as well be Greg Dobbs.
  
  
• WHICH bullpen will be more dominant tonight? The Rays have lefties David Price, Trever Miller, and J.P. Howell at the ready to neutralize Chase Utley and Ryan Howard. The Phillies will probably use Ryan Madson and Brad Lidge for nine outs.
  
  
• HOW MANY players will wear those silly hats with the earflaps tonight? Comfort is one thing, but you look ridiculous, Jimmy Rollins.
  
  
• ARE the Rays cursed because Rocco Baldelli is on the cover of S.I.? Actually, there's Carlos Ruiz, so maybe the whole darn World Series is cursed. Read Tom Verducci's piece.
  
  
• IS your liveglog blazer wrinkled? Feel free to wear your casual liveglog polo shirt tonight.

Be here at 8:30PM EDT sharp. Be ready for history, one way or another.

Gaslamp Ball digs up a baseball card of a certain participant in tonight's World Series Game Five. I've taken the liberty of cropping the picture and posting it to your left. Who is it?

No, it's not Matthew Modine. Name him, then head over to Gaslamp Ball to see if your guess is correct.

Boston Common is a beautiful place, but it can also be dangerous. You don't really wanna be walking through there alone at night. There are some shady characters waiting to prey on your country bumpkin ass. Also, on the edge of the Common is the Ritz Carlton, a place where you may allegedly get punched in the face by Brett Myers.

In today's USA Today, reporter Bob Nightengale had the cojones to ask Myers about the incident where his wife accused him of beating her up (something the Philly Inquirer is too chicken to do) and Myers was well, less than contrite.

"I know there are people out there that think I'm a jerk. There are people out there who think I'm a wife-beater. That will never change," says Myers, alluding to a 2006 incident in which he was arrested and charged in Boston with assaulting his wife, Kim.

"But you know what, I really don't care what people think about me. ... If people don't like me, they can deal with it. This is who I am."

Wait, what? Did he just admit that he's a wifebeater, so deal with it? I guess that's one way of handling things. He must have then threatened to punch Nightengale because the writer gives us some fluff about Myers "rough upbringing." And then Myers cries. What is with all the crying? Every single day we're writing about someone crying.

The more interesting bit to me is that Myers was so scarred by Boston fans when pitching the day after the incident, that he says he wouldn't have pitched at Fenway if the Sox had met the Phils in the Series. That is some quality heckling!

But he couldn't escape the fear of the Phillies' possible World Series opponent. "I did not want to play Boston," says Myers, 28. "If Boston had beat Tampa, I would have gone to (manager) Charlie (Manuel) and told him, 'I don't want to pitch in Boston.'

"I don't ever want to pitch in Boston again."

What we're dealing with here is a man a couple bricks short of a wall. Should we contiune to ridicule him? I don't really know. Someone that scarred probably has some issues to work out before I get after him too much. Or maybe I'm just saying that because the Inquirer story followed him to a gun range.

I hope you haven't taken off your liveglog blazer since Monday night, because World Series Game Five will continue tonight at 8:37PM. Join us as soon as Senator Obama finishes up his variety half-hour for some more good ol' fashioned livegloggery.

The season can be a grind. After an entire life spent as a baseball fan, I always understood that, but never more so than this year. Trying to dig up multiple stories every day, stalking a pair of Indian men, and creating a beloved national icon really took its toll.

A fine portrait of what the season can do to a man comes in today's LA Times. Remember back in the halcyon days of February when we talked about the pure ray of sunshine that was Torii Hunter? Well, not so much anymore. It's been a few weeks and Hunter still isn't over the Angels playoff loss. Pardon my prolific use of the blockquote here, but there is sooo much good stuff. It's really a must read.

"Truth is, for me as a player, I probably would have let him hit."

The voice was Torii Hunter's and it was far less juiced than usual as he walked through the nightmare moments that spelled the end for this year's Angels team.

"I don't even think they were trying to pitch to [Aybar]," Hunter said, so plaintively I imagined him staring hard at the floor and shaking his head in disbelief. "It was just five terrible minutes . . . the worst five minutes of my life."

"I am depressed, I'm ticked, I'm upset, my stomach hurts, yeah, all of that," Hunter noted, without much prompting.

He said he has watched the remaining playoff and World Series games from a suede sofa in his Dallas-area home. (For the record, he's rooting for Tampa Bay but will not be too distressed if Philly wins because Jimmy Rollins is a friend.) Often, he's found himself screaming at the TV in pure frustration. "It plays out in the back of your head all the time: 'Why am I not in the World Series? Why?' The season we had, we should have been there. But the way we played in the first round, we didn't deserve it."

I hear it's a bitch to get tears out of suede. Later in the article Hunter goes on to refute the notion that the squeeze play was a hallmark of this Angels team saying it's something you do "very rarely" and even more rarely in the postseason. He goes out of his way to say he's not criticizing Scioscia or Aybar, which means he is definitely criticizing Scioscia and Aybar.

Hunter had a rough series personally. He made a couple errors that I can think of and almost blew out his knee arguing a call at first base. Mix that with high expectations and you can see why he'd be upset. It would happen to almost any player. But for him to still be taking it this hard and to be so candid about it makes me like him even more. You're still my special happy guy, Torii!

Sorry, WoWies. Looks like there won't be any minor league teams named after cave shrimp this year. If you recall, the folks in charge of bringing professional baseball to Bowling Green, Kentuckah put a few possible mascot names up for a vote on the ol' Innernet.

Well, the good people of Bowling Green have spoken, and the new name of the Tampa Bay Rays low-A affiliate is the Hot Rods. I blame massive voter fraud and suppression. Also, I blame any Walkoff Walk reader who didn't vote at least eleventy skillion times.

Hey, let's get a quote from the big boss:

"This is an historic day for Bowling Green professional baseball, as we come together to celebrate the beginning of the Bowling Green Hot Rods," said Hot Rods General Manager/CEO Brad Taylor. "We are very excited to develop the Hot Rods brand, which connects the spirit and heritage of this region's automotive industry with a creative name and logo associated with the fun of minor league baseball.

I want you dead, Brad Taylor. Your corporate-speak sickens me.

Crusty old maverick and reformer John McCain said something very maverick-y. I know! What are the chances? While campaigning in Hershey, PA on his last gasp "The Only True America Tour" across the Keystone State, he sassed his opponent Barack Obama with the line, "No one will delay the World Series with an infomercial when I'm president!"

Obama, of course, has purchased thirty minutes of tee-vee time tonight at 8PM, delaying the 'restart' of World Series Game Five on FOX. That's the kind of thing presidential candidates can do when they raise $150 million in a single month: delay the start of a baseball game by fifteen measly minutes. Meanwhile, the McCain campaign has announced plans to for Cindy McCain to appear on the Quacker Factory with Jeanne Bice on QVC tomorrow night at 2:30AM.

But really, Senator McCain, what part of the U.S. Constitution allows the executive branch of the government to tell the broadcast networks or the assorted major sports leagues what time they need to start their games? And after all, you're just a hypocrite anyway:

In fact, McCain's own convention speech this summer forced a change in the start time of the NFL's season opener, which started an hour and a half earlier to accommodate McCain's speech.

If anything, that speaks to the flexibility of the NFL in comparison to baseball. It also speaks to the desperation of a Presidential candidate who is pandering to fans who are frustrated by 48-hour-long weather delays and not a fifteen-minute Obama delay.

In September 1964, Kansas City teenager Drew Dimmel brought his Super 8 camera to a Beatles concert. He persuaded a local reporter to sneak the camera up to the stage and capture a couple minutes of silent footage. Forty-four years later, Dimmel found the recording stowed away in a desk drawer at his parents' house. He's now putting it up for auction: the film is expected to land $10,000 at a British auction house.

So what does this have to do with baseball? The concert was hosted by Charlie Finley at the home park of the Kansas City A's.

The gig at the Municipal Stadium in Kansas was controversial because of the unpopularity of Charles Finley, owner of the Kansas City Athletics Baseball Team.

The local press urged a boycott of the concert in protest against Finley and as a result the stadium was almost half empty.

The Beatles' manager Brian Epstein had managed to negotiate a fee of $150,000 for the gig, which helped leave Finley out of pocket.

Dear Kansas City residents in 1964 who actually changed their minds about attending a 30-minute Beatles concert because they listened to the local press: you're all dummies. I hate you.

(We owe 17 cases of Coke Zero to BBTF Newsblog)

Hey kids, a barstool should have a back.

• WHY is House so gruff? No seriously, tell me, I've never seen the show.


• DO you agree with me that the rest of the Series should just be canceled and the Red Sox should remain champions for one more year?

See you all back here tomorrow in World Series Purgatory. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

Thanks to If Charlie Parker Were A Gunslinger... for the pic.

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• Rinku and Dinesh film some drills for the upcoming Tom Emanski defensive drills DVD. "Are we pitchers or Bollywood stars?" asks Dinesh. "Neither," replies Rob. The Million Dollar Arm Blog.
  
  
• With the Hot Stove season just around the corner, Marc Hulet grades the off-season trades from last winter. Biggest losers? The Mariners. Baseball Analysts.
  
  
• Matt P wonders which Phillies player threw Bud Selig under the bus. Not literally, that would have been both messy and delightful. The 700 Level.
  
  
• Tom Krasovic wonders if Jake Peavy can hold out for some Sabathia-type money before agreeing to be traded from the Padres. Who would ever want to leave San Diego anyway? San Diego Union Tribune.
  
  
• Lloyd passes up his chance to talk to Ernie Whitt at his local brunch place. That reminds me of the time I almost talked to Rance Mulliniks at a bodega until I realized it was actually just an ATM. Ghostrunner on First.
  
  
• Juicy butts. Suicide Food.

The picture at left is one of Farthammer's World Famous Cakies®. The hand holding it belongs to commenter Honeynut Ichiros, who baked a batch for last night's World Series game.

Yes, a reader in Philly baked a recipe given to him in the comments by a reader from Oakland. And apparently they were really good. To commemorate the occasion, we are hereby declaring The Cakie the "Official Dessert Treat of Walkoff Walk." This is all to smooth the transition to us becoming a food blog in the offseason since so many people have begged us to stop writing about baseball.

Below you will find Farthammer's recipe, cut and pasted verbatim from our comments section. Try em at home!

1 bag yellow cake mix

1 bag chocolate chips

1 stick butter

1 brick cream cheese

1 tsp vanilla

1 egg

Let butter and cheese get to room temp, then combine in a mixing bowl. Add egg and vanilla, combine. Then slowly add cake mix and chips. Combine thoroughly. Mixture will be thick, not unlike my johnson.

With a spoon, scoop onto a cookie sheet that has been sprayed with non-stick spray. Place in pre-heated oven at 375 degrees for 8-12 minutes.

Like I said earlier, if a few peaks on the cookies have started to brown, pull out immediately. That's the longest you should cook them; just before they brown is ideal. Usually 9-10 minutes.

If the whole cookie turns brown in the oven, flush the cookies down the toilet and drink yourself into a stupor, because you have failed the cakie experiment.

The cakie will not look symmetrical or particularly attractive. The mix is too thick to get a perfectly round cookie. But they are mighty tasty.

Hey guys, wanna hear some groundbreaking shit? Wanna hear some revolutionary thinking from a revolutionary guy? The man, Jeff Schultz of the AJC. The monumental vanguard idea that he actually got paid to write? Baseball playoff games start too late! Schultz filed his complaint in one of those new fangled top ten lists that are all the rage. According to him, baseball's late end times mean the game should be wiped off the American sporting map. The dimwit, to wit:

10: I believe in karma. I believe in playoffs starting before 10 p.m. I believe this baseball postseason going down in flames is just what the sport deserves.

9: I know. It's not baseball's fault it's raining in Philadelphia. But it is the owners' fault for so completely selling out to television for the short-term bucks that it starts World Series games at 8:30 p.m. in the East. It is baseball's fault for starting Game 3 after a 90-minute rain delay, which caused a 1:45 a.m. finish - and won't that be great for ratings. Baseball has lost a generation. When this deal with Fox is over, it'll be a wonder if any major network touches this product.

8: Final piece of evidence: I was in Philadelphia Saturday night/Sunday morning. I walked out to the parking lot in the fifth inning. Saw a few dads and sons walking to their cars. The score was 2-1 in a World Series game -- and they were leaving.

DO YOU HEAR THAT?? PEOPLE WERE LEAVING THE GAME EARLY. Hey, Schultz. Maybe the kids were just wimps. Maybe they had the runs from eating too many of these. Maybe you're just an old fashioned dink with nothing to write on deadline.

Are you mad at baseball for being less accessible to younger fans? Do you think your karmic scorched earth policy will remedy that? Because that makes no damn sense. Here's one more thing to think about you goof. If baseball goes away I won't have anything to write about and will dissect your stupid columns all day.

What time did the Super Bowl get over last year? What time do the NBA playoffs end? Those sports don't even have to contend with rain and they get over about the same time. What you're really mad at is television. Don't blame baseball. Go put a flaming bag of crap on Rupert Murdoch's doorstep and leave my game alone.

P.S. I agree with with point #4 about Urban Meyer. I guess you can't lose em all.

A caller to the Ron & Fez radio show on Sirius/XM says that WIP Sports Radio in Philly is reporting that MLB is going to postpone the final three-and-a-half innings of Game Five of the World Series to Wednesday night. Take that fourth-hand news with a grain of salt, people.

UPDATE: Tampabay.com is reporting it now and they're a reputable news source, so let's go ahead and call this an official postponement.

Seattle's nudie bar king Roger Forbes is finally ready to tackle his greatest obstacle in spreading strip clubs across the Emerald City: he wants to open up a titty bar next door to the Seattle Mariners home ballpark. Forbes wants to open a Déjà Vu strip club just 400 feet from Safeco Field and the Mariners are not happy.

The team has filed a formal objection with the city, citing that lots of kiddies go to Mariners games and they shouldn't be 'exposed' to such a naughty business so close to a family gathering place.

But Seattle attorney Peter Buck, who is representing the business, said the restriction applies only to a "public" open space or park.

Safeco is a private facility where people pay to get in, Buck said.

"We are familiar with the Mariners' objection, but consider it a question of taste rather than a legal position," Buck said.

Buck then pulled out a mandolin and serenaded the news reporter with an impromptu acoustic version of "Near Wild Heaven".

Really though, I think the Mariners biggest fear is that they'll never be able to drag Ichiro out of the club.

(We owe a Sprite Zero to BBTF Newsblog)

Oh, Bud Selig, you were never as good as Willard Scott at predicting weather patterns. Last night's downpour created a deluge of water on the field and a debacle in the hearts and minds of angry fans everywhere. Folks are not taking Milli Vanilli's advice and are instead pointing a crooked finger at Herr Selig!

Once the Philadelphia faithful are done gnashing their teeth and rending their garments, I hope they can dig up their ticket stubs from last night's contest. They'll need 'em tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or Thursday night. Whenever this game resumes, which must, of course, be in primetime or else the FOX network will have Selig's head on a platter.

Here's what Sir Shrugs-a-Lot has to say to the folks:

Game 5 tickets include a rain check stub, and replacement tickets will not be issued. Selig promised to "bend over backwards to be sensitive" to the fans of Philadelphia, lauding them as "tremendous."

"These fans obviously came and bought tickets for a night game, so they deserve to come back and see a night game," Selig said. "Yes, it will be the same starting time, whether it's Tuesday night or Wednesday night or Thursday night or whenever. But, yes, it will be."

Okay, Bud, you can say that bullshit in a press conference, but I'd like to see you say that directly to Phillies fan Michael Hughes' face:

"Major League Baseball is all about [sportscaster] Joe Buck and the ratings - they don't want to see Philadelphia win a championship," said Michael Hughes of Holland, Bucks County, in a comment that seemed to capture the sour and even conspiratorial mood at the rain-drenched ballpark.

Well Mike, I agree with your first point, but your second point is ridiculous, especially with all the wacky umpiring calls that have seemed to go Philadelphia's way in the first 4 and a half games. Still, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Go ahead and criminalize Joe Buck and the ratings. Go ahead and verbally assault Selig. You got my back.

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• How did we end up with that suspended game because of rain? Blame the television networks. FOX and the other folks who pay baseball for the right to broadcast games have the league grasped firmly around the nuts. If Bud Selig and his people were so sure that Philadelphia was getting torrential downpours last night (and they must have been, because even dolts like me knew it) then they should have moved the start time of the game up a couple hours. No chance, because they don't control what happens in baseball games during the postseason. FOX is in control, and they say when the games start, how long the commercial breaks are between innings, and even what horrible jacket Jeanne Zelasko must wear during the pregame coverage.
  
  
• Which team has the upper hand tonight when Game Five resumes? It's a tie game, but the Phillies have two distinct advantages. One, they know exactly which pitcher they will be facing in the bottom of the sixth, Grant Balfour. Cole Hamels was due up to bat first, but he'll be replaced by a Phillies hitter of Charlie Manuel's choice. The only two Phillies players to collect hits off Balfour are Carlos Ruiz and Jayson Werth, both in the starting lineup, so they're out. Matt Stairs has a .861 career OPS against righties, so he's probably a good choice. Greg Dobbs had 9 tater tots in 217 at-bats against righties, so he's another good choice.
  
  
• How mad would Rays fans have been had they not scored in the sixth? Nobody wants to see a World Series clinching game called after five-and-a-half innings, but maybe that would have been the most fair way to decide it. Sure, the Rays would have lost three more opportunities to tie up the game, but for anyone to question the dominance of the Phillies in the series up until that point of the game would have been wrong. The Rays had been held to just eight thirteen runs in 41 innings up until Carlos Pena's game-tying RBI; that's fewer than two three runs for every nine innings played. To question the authority of a World Championship decided on a game called due to rain would be short-sighted when one team has simply been outplayed.
  
  
• How pissed are folks gonna be when they find out "House" was pre-empted? I don't know, and I don't care.
  
  
• Will you come back promptly at 8PM tonight to continue our glogging? Thanks in advance. We had a great time last night and would welcome new commenters and readers with open arms.

That picture is from 2006, but seriously, if you have nobody else to blame for a World Series game suspended because of rain, blame Bud Selig.

Welcome, liveglog club members, to the fifth liveglog of the World Series as presented by Walkoff Walk! Follow along with me tonight as I attempt to make clever witticisms about the baseball game set to start in Philadelphia any minute now. The Tampa Bay Rays are looking to rebound from two straight road losses to the Philadelphia Phillies, who find themselves justthisclose to a friggin' championship. Because tonight has the opportunity for one team to clinch, prepare yourself for the possibility that this is the final liveglog of the 2008 season.

If some elements of this liveglog seem familiar to you, perhaps it's because Game Five's pitching matchup is the same as that of Game One. Therefore and henceforth, I have deemed it necessary to repeat the usage of the following pair of photographs that completely illustrates tonight's starters, Scott Kazmir of the Rays and Cole Hamels of the Phillies:

Both pitchers didn't go off message very much in Game One; Hamels continued to dominate while Kazmir continued to struggle, giving up too many walks and too many tater tots to be successful. Even worse for Kazmir, he'll need to pitch a shutout tonight to win if his Rays lineup continues to be mired in shittiness. From Fribble King David Pinto at Baseball Musings:

The strength of this lineup lies in their 1-4 hitters, and that quartet has not gotten on base in this series. Combined they collected seven hits and four walks in the first four games in 60 at bats for a .172 OBA.

Yikes! Those stats are enough to make anyone lose their hair. Let's hope for a good, close game that is completely unaffected by poor umpiring calls. Enough prelude, onto the glog...AFTER THE COMPULSORY JUMP

Hey kids, you are alone.

• WHAT happened to the Rays? This team seemed way too good to drop four of five. We'll have to see if they can mend a broken will for the second time in as many series.


• CAN Cole Hamels stay acey and wrap this thing up for the Philly side? Both he and Kazmir need to keep the ball from flying out of the yard like it's been doing.


• YOU don't really think it's going to be this easy for the Phils, do you?

Join us back here for tonight's gloggatron (featuring the illustrious Rob Iracane! -Rob I.). It could be the last one you get all year. Make pico de gallo.

Walkoff Walk friend and erstwhile liveglogger Dmac brings us the best new web gadget in weeks: your chance to drag-and-drop wisps of hair onto your favorite Rays players and managers at Tampa Bay Online. It will let you design a new mohawk and/or playoff beard for Carl Crawford, Aki Iwamura, or Joe Maddon in a similar way that those old magnadoodle things worked. Here's my wildly inappropriate work of art:

I am ashamed of myself.

The Newark Bears have certainly gained their share of press notoriety in the past. Employing players like Ozzie Canseco, Jose Canseco and Rickey Henderson have ensured that they received coverage that outsized most of their Atlantic League rivals. Unfortunately for the team, the owner and the city, that hasn't translated into ticket sales and now it looks like the team could be going bearbelly up.

Marc Berson, a Millburn-based real estate developer who purchased the team in 2003, said this morning that mounting financial losses have forced him to fire several team employees and that he is exploring options to sell the team. The news was first reported on the Web site AtlanticLeagueBaseball.com.

"There's no secret that the economic side of this has not been positive for years," Berson said. "There's no secret to that. There's no secret that the numbers of people attending have not been anywhere near the capacity of that stadium. Anyone can take notice of those two facts."

When it opened in 1999 at a cost of $36 million, Newark Bears & Eagles Riverfront Stadium was supposed be a lynchpin in the revitalization of the city's downtown area.

But the team never drew the crowds Essex County and Newark officials had expected. The Bears averaged 2,746 fans this season, second-lowest total in the Atlantic League. The rival Somerset Patriots, meanwhile, drew nearly twice as many spectators - 5,433 a game - playing in Bridgewater.

While the city council is saying nothing is a done deal, they're also exploring options for doing something with the big stadium that may be sitting empty in the middle of town. The article seems to regard it as a damn shame that Newark won't have professional baseball, and from an historical standpoint that may be true. But if you're getting your attendance doubled by a team in Bridgewater, that takes some of the weight out of the "bad economy" and just says that people don't really want to go to Newark.

The real losers in all of this are baseball's losers. Where will the Carl Everetts and Randall Simons of the world call home when even a city as notoriously warm and loving as Newark closes its doors to them? Sad really.

"THAT BETTER BE POOP ON YOUR HAT, YOUNG MAN." Those were the words echoing through the head of Overmanagin' Joe Maddon as he spied a dark spot on the bill of Joe Blanton's cap. So what did the meddling one do? Did he send Gabe Gross out to talk to the ump? No he didn't get that cute, but he did go out and say something himself.

Maddon said: "We did notice, it was rather dark. I did bring it to their [umpires'] attention. I asked them to just watch it and be vigilant about it, and nothing happened. But I was concerned about it early on." Hallion replied to Maddon that he would check the baseball, and if he found a foreign substance on the ball, MLB.com reported, he would act on it. Later last night, MLB.com removed the story from its Web site. Geoff Grant, the managing editor of MLB.com said the story was removed because it was obtained "prematurely" by viewing a feed from Fox, which broadcast the game. Grant said that MLB.com would post a new story after the game that would include more reporting and quotes.

Of course Maddon had to get his La Russa on in the World Series. Of course he did. That comparison makes so much damned sense I can't believe I haven't used it before. Maddon following in the footsteps of the original hipster doofus overwrought manager. Also you have to love the Geoff Grant aside in that above paragraph. "Hey uh.. sorry I copied the story from Fox... I'll uh... get some quotes... and um... reporting! Yeah that's the ticket!" It's a shame he's working for a site like MLB.com that has no access.

The reaction from the Philly dugout was predictably "aw shucks it's dirt" making this whole dance one of my least favorite things in baseball. From Charlie Manuel:

Phillies manager Charlie Manuel wasn't aware of what Maddon was protesting about. At a postgame news conference, Manuel took his own cap off and pointed at the bill. "You can look at my cap, it's got the same kind of stuff he's [Maddon] talking about."

Gross, dude. Why is Joe Blanton licking his fingers and wiping it on Charlie Manuel's hat? That is one weird clubhouse.

Forget the day the Declaration of Independence was signed, forget the day Chickie and Pete's first added Old Bay seasoning onto crinkle cut fries, and forget the day "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" debuted on FX because yesterday was the single greatest day in Philadelphia's three-hundred year history. Yesterday, the Philadelphia Eagles finally won a game where the other team got screwed by a bad call, the Who continued their long history of selling out and being overrated by playing a packed show at the Wachovia Center, and the Philadelphia Phillies came one game closer to winning the World Series with their tater tot assault over the Tampa Bay Rays.

I was lucky enough to be one of over 100,000 people to enjoy the day's festivities down at the sports and entertainment complex off Interstate 95 because I had tickets to the Eagles game. It was my first trip to Lincoln Financial Field and I came away fully understanding that Eagles fans are the single most passionate group of degenerates in the entire world. When the Eagles defense were flagged on a bogus roughing-the-quarterback call in the first quarter, the crowd joined together as one and expressed their displeasure at the referee's call. For twenty straight minutes. Without pause. It was ridiculous. Every human being in that building was booing; I've been to dozens of games at Giants Stadium but I have never heard a louder collective boo than I heard yesterday.

After the Eagles big win, we headed to our car and saw folks pulling off their Brian Dawkins jerseys and showing off their Shane Victorino t-shirts, whether or not they had tickets to the World Series. The parking lots were jammed with people coming, going, or simply staying to drink some Yuenglings and play some cornhole. It was just that kind of perfect intersection of a football win, an upcoming World Series game, and Philadelphians actually feeling blessed. True, our Eagles seats were directly in front of a loudmouth asshole who criticized every single Eagles play that failed to gain 5 yards, but 99% of folks in the area were as happy as a peach.

As we sat in an hour's worth of traffic in our quest to get back to the highway, we fielded a call from my sister. She and my brother-in-law were ready to pile into the car and head down to the parking lot for the World Series game. We warned her to wait a bit and avoid the gridlock. They made it to the lot, found a parking spot amongst the masses, and were rewarded with a big win.

Unfortunately, if Cole Hamels and the boys pull out another win tonight, Sunday October 26th, 2008 may lose the title of "Greatest Day in Philadelphia's History".

(Picture stolen from the inimitable Big League Stew. Go look at the other pictures, jerk)

Watch everyone's favorite Yankee third baseman gets together with some of his celebrity sports pals and endorses Matt_T's favorite video game, Guitar Hero. Spoofing 1980s movies is just so retro.

(We owe some of that Canadian Coke to Ball Don't Lie)

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• So did Jimmy Rollins get tagged out or not? Well, yes, Evan Longoria went wrist-deep to tag Rollins in a first inning run-down but third base ump Tim Welke called him safe. This is one of those "why don't have instant replay for every possible situation in baseball" moments, and you may be asking that same question right now. But don't forget, you didn't get to sleep until midnight last night; do you really want these games to go longer and longer? Which is more important to you, accurate baseball calls or your circadian rhythms?
  
  
• Why would anyone ever throw a fastball to Ryan Howard? Granted, when Trever Miller gave up that ding-dong to Howard in the eighth inning, the game was well out of reach. But he threw an 85 MPH fastball right over the center of the plate and Howard attacked it as if it were a plateful of buttermilk pancakes doused in boysenberry syrup. The Phillies collected their fourth homer of the night, Howard's second, and their ninth tater tot of the series.
  
  
• How horrible have Evan Longoria and Carlos Pena been? Four games may be a small sample size, but the two top offensive players on a World Series team just went hitless for four straight games. There's not much baseball left for the pair to make up time; with ace lefty Cole Hamels on the mound tonight seeking the clincher, the duo might prove to be the biggest offensive bust in World Series history.
  
  
• What is Zelasko wearing? She looks like a California Raisin. That's a commenter-submitted question by Honeynut Ichiros from last night's liveglog. Seriously, Jeanne Zelasko's hair, makeup and outfit makes her look like a circus clown on a regular basis. And Eric Karros has a speech impediment. I'm not holding back here, people.
  
  
• Who's making the cakies tonight? It's Game Five, it's Cole Hamels and Scott Kazmir, and it's another Walkoff Walk liveglog, dropping tonight at 8PM.

Oops! Live stuff, after the jump

Game 3 didn't represent the best of baseball, but what it lacked in execution it made up in drama. Dramatic attrition. What does Overmanagin' Joe Maddon got in store for us tonight? Will he insert Cliffy Floyd into right field? Did anyone bothering waking up Charlie Manuel from his afternoon nap, or did they just rubber stamp the same lineup he's gone with all series?

The Devil's in the the Detail Rays - The right field carousel continues to spin. Back in right is Ben Zobrist, utilityman to the stars! The Rays outfield is so rangy that Maddon can get away with a converted infielder in right field. He gives Maddon plenty of versatility in the late innings also, perhaps allowing a better hitter to take Jason Bartlett's place should the situation demand it.

Andy Sonnanstine is a control pitcher that only one Phillie has seen before. He pitched reasonably well in the first two playoff rounds, drawing 13 ground balls out of the Red Sox in 7.1 innings in addition to numerous questions regarding his tribe membership. He's a stuff guy that well let everyone know right away if he's on.

Uncle Cholly's Xerox Squad - Steady Charles doesn't want to mess with a lineup that is, for all intents and purposes, working. The Phils keep getting people on base, it's but a matter of time before the floodgates open. Jimmy Rollins and Jayson Werth were on base 5 times last night, if not for Dioner Navvarro's cannon and Jayson Werth's braincramps, they will come around to score more often that not. If the top of the order sets the table against a guy known to struggle in the early innings, this could be over before it starts.

Joe Blanton spent 3.5 years in the American League, so he knows most Rays hitters. Again, Carlos Pena and Carl Crawford have good career numbers in limited at bats against Blanton, as they do against Moyer, which translated into jack shit last night. Nothing about Blanton really jumps off the page, aside from his poor choice of facial hair. He throws four pitches, all around the same speed. If he doesn't put too many guys on base, he should be fine.

I think this is the Phillies game to lose. Their offense is poised to explode, it will take something extra special from Total Eclipse of the Sonny to keep the Rays from the brink.

Each weekend during the playoffs, I'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked or ever would ask. This could be fun and uninformative or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

It may not have been pretty, but it certainly counts all the same. A well-pitched game got a little woolly at the last, ending as anticlimactically as possible. Well, for WoW anyway. No shrimp, no craziness involving a fifth infielder, just a boring little roller down the line that may or may not have gone foul. The run scored all the same, and the Phillies now have a chance to clinch the World Series title at home. Question time!

• Why were the powers that be so determined to play last night? I'm not quiet sure. The already ludicrous 8:30 start time was pushed all the way back to after 10 pm local time. Was losing the off day the big concern? Was it losing the chance to draw a big number on a Saturday night? I'm no Neilsen staffer, but I'm pretty the final pitch of the game flying at close to 2am may put a big damper in the ratings.
  
  The off day is scheduled for Tuesday, so it isn't fear of going up against Monday Night Football as I first suspected. I suppose the hassle of re-scheduling is considerable, but that couldn't have been the driving force?


• Did Joe Maddon get it right with Gabe Gross? Not really. Gabe Gross was in the right place at the right time, twice. His lazy fly ball cashed Crawford after he did all the heavy lifting, and his RBI ground out followed the controversial bunt single and a Fat Catcher double. Credit to Gross for putting the bat on the ball (the other right fielders on Maddon's bench ie Rocco have struck out with some frequency this postseason) but that is about all you can give Grabe. This is why RBI isn't a good evaluative stat friends!


• Is Jayson Werth the worst baserunner in the National League? Probably not, but he sure picked a bad time to get overeager. That is the only explanation for getting picked off two games in a row. Once on second base, trying to grab a secondary lead and once straying too far from first on a blooper. Safety first friend, this is the World fucking Series. Werth was on base three times last night, so he's doing something right. But trying to do too much on the bases won't endear him to an old school guy like Charlie Manuel.


• Ryan Howard hit a breaking ball, is he cured? Not by a long shot. Pitch F/X tells us the slider Howard hit was a breaking ball in name only. A straight hanger down and in, right on a tee for the taking. Howard hasn't looked good against quality pitching, but your don't hit 177 home runs in fewer than 600 games if you don't punish mistakes. Look for junkballing Sonny to change speeds and continue the diet of crap Howard as seen all month.

Thanks to everybody that joined in last night's live glog, we'll have a full and complete live glog tonight with your host CTC, weather permitting. Joe Blanton and Andy Sonnanstine in Game 4 at the CBP. Check back in later today and I'll swing around the baseball world and see if I can't dig up something worthwhile.

Unfortunately, I trapped at work and out of my normal glogspace. Fortunately, there is an HDtv and laptop handy, so I'm back in the game!

And what a game it looks to be. I am blessed by the MLB international feed, so I'll be free of Joe and Tim's adventures in boredom. I could always switch to Fox to increase my understanding of most of your suffering, but I'm just not that compassionate. I just cast my judging gaze over the lineups, but let's see what they look like exactly:

Tampa Bay Rays A. Iwamura 2b B.J. Upton cf C. Pena 1b E. Longoria 3b C. Crawford lf D. Navarro c G. Gross rf J. Bartlett ss M. Garza p

Phillies J. Rollins ss J. Werth rf C. Utley 2b R. Howard 1b P. Burrell lf S. Victorino cf P. Feliz 3b C. Ruiz c J. Moyer p

Let's hope the rain holds off and we can see a ballgame, dammit! The answers lie after the jump.

The scene shifts to Philly so Uncle Cliffy's out a job. He will have to make do with being a bench-dwelling gangsta. The Rays DH by committee has produced here and there during the post-season, but no one guy has caught fire enough to play every day. I don't think they'll miss the production too much. Cholly Manuel didn't seem to have a real grasp on the concept, using his backup catcher and backup third basemen in the first two games. What have they got for us tonight?

Shout at the Devil Rays - Sending Matt Garza to the hill is generally a good idea, as he's quite excellent. His big-time performance in Game 7 of the ALCS will not soon be forgotten, hopefully his lizardly tendencies will be.

The return of Overmanagin Joe Maddon! With crafty lefty Jamie Moyer on the mound, Micromanaging Joe opts to start the struggling left handed bat of Gabe Gross. Gross has never faced Moyer in game action, so your guess is as good as mine. What are you playing at here Joe? Gross is terrible, left handed and hasn't played in a week.

The rest of the lineup looks as you would expect. The Fat Catcher moves up to 6th in the order by virtue of the three (Gross, Bartlett & Garza) punchless bats in the lineup. Non-traditional Maddon has opted for 4 left handed bats in his starting 9. Whatever works Wacky Joe!

The Fightin Phils - Jamie Moyer makes his World Series debut at the ripe old age of 45 on what might end up being a cold, wet night. That can't be good for those old bones. Obviously a control pitcher, the free-swinging Rays may capitalize on his great love of the strike zone. As a team, they smack the living shit out of finesse pitchers like Moyer. Carlos Pena and Carl Crawford both have excellent career numbers against the lefty in 20 PAs. How will Old Man River cope with the Rays jumping on his early get-me-over fastballs?

Maybe Undermanagin Charlie Manuel sends out the same line up that faced James Shields in Game 2. The Adelphias offensive struggles are well documented so one can assume Manual believes a little home-cookin will provide the spark.

Both bullpens come in well rested, only converted starter David Price has threw a significant amount of pitches in the first two games. If the weather continues to be disagreeable, long delays will end the starters outings early on, so the long men will play a big role. If they even play at all.

As we already discussed, there is no time whatsoever to name, identify or acknowledge any of the "players" in tonight's "game", but what we do have plenty of time for is the same filler crap we used last year! Time to strap on your TV producer hat, let's kill some time and show some b-roll!

• Video of pitchers taking batting practice. Oh would you look at Scott Kazmir, he just can't WAIT to take his rips. I need some footage of the everyday players laughing at the feeble swings...got it! Cue Timmy Mac breaking down the Phillies advantage because of all their extra bunting practice. Gotta be able to throw your outs away effectively! Is there time? Let's show the video of Jamie Moyer running down the umpire right after we show Chein-Ming Wang breaking his heel on the basepaths. Oh, it's so perilous!


• Hmmmm, bottom of four eh? Time for the tortured history of Philadelphia sports montage! Oh Donovan McNabb, will you ever get it right? Allen Iverson had so much heart! Can anyone get Joe Carter on the phone? How's the Mitch Williams suicide watch going? Quick, throw a shot of Andy Reid staring into the middle distance while a Cowboy/Packer/Buccaneer/Patriot dances in the background. Pelle Lindburgh? Who the fuck is he?


• Is it time for the Joe Maddon homecoming tearjerker yet? He's a Pennsylvania boy ya know? Did someone shoot the "Welcome to Hazelton" sign? I interviewed the local townsfolk, they've all got some excellent stories of the regular kid that loved fine wine and literature. Somebody find me a shot of him in some Phillies gear!

All the while, we will be treated to the condescending tones of Joe Buck stifling yawns. I, for one, cannot wait. This hard-hitting journalism really helps me know the players, and gives me insight into "the game behind the game." Without it, this is just a boring contest between two teams I couldn't care less about. Thanks broadcast team, you've allowed me to love again.

Everyone loves the pomp and pageantry of the World Series. The music, the bunting, the pre-game ceremonies that drag on for hours and hours. It's fun for the whole family, as long as the family isn't watching on TV. FOX has no time for your tired sentimentality old man, so buck up and let's get this game moving!

...a Phillies PR representative came into the clubhouse and informed the team that only the starting players would be announced on the field and on national television. That meant no clubhouse staff, no coaches and no Matt Stairs. He, along with 45-year-old Jamie Moyer, had waited their entire lives for this moment, and then it was gone. All non-starters were allowed to walk out onto the field, but they were never publicly acknowledged -- not to the TV audience, not even to the crowd.

Too bad for you, lifetime journeymen finally getting your moment on the big stage, you can suck a Viagra-soaked lemon. We've got commercials to run so you're out of luck. Our game time may have swollen to well over 3 hours, but that doesn't mean we have 3 minutes to introduce the coaches, trainers and bench guys that made it all possible.

At first I was completely unsympathetic to the players cries, until I realized that the introductions had been completely scrapped, not just cut from the broadcast. My ingrained thoughts to argue and disagree with anything the FOX corporation does kicked in, and I was on board with poor old Jamie Moyer.

Grizzled old man and staunch defender of all things right in the world Matt Stairs said "some guys were extremely mad about it" and he thought it was "bootleg" that they didn't take the time to introduce the players. Bootleg! You hear, college boy in your fancy suit pulling the strings for the teevee people? Matt Stairs declares it bootleg!

Rays union player rep Evan Longoria (23 year old rookie turned union strong man) hadn't heard any grumbling in his locker room, likely due to his youthful Rays ignorance of the way things were and they way things are just supposed to be, gal dangit.

If 25 years of pent up angst is your thing, I recommend the joyous occasion that is a Phillies World Series birth preceded by a never acrimonious Devils - Flyers game wrapped in glorious public drunkenness. What could possibly go wrong?

Comcast-Spectacor is planning a free block party from 2 to 4 p.m. tomorrow at the Wachovia Center, featuring live music, barbecue specials and interactive games.

Rally towels will be given out with Flyers on one side and Phillies on the other.

Outdoor drinking (with, gasp, a BBQ) followed by a hockey game, then more outdoor partying? Have the Phillies secured a sponsorship deal with Duracell yet? I'm sure the raucous CBP crowd will adopt the same happy-to-be here attitude found in St. Pete.

I'm no expert, but I see this ending in tears. Stigmata-esque tears of blood. The Rays have already braved the increasingly Disneyfied yet still unpleasant air of Fenway and the cheese-fueled black out in Chicago, but somehow I think the city of Brotherly Love will be different.

Hey kids, can I ask you about today?

• WILL Matt Garza continue pitching like he's never ever going to pitch for the rest of his career? His curveball had almost comical movement in two games against the Red Sox and he was nearly untouchable. If he stays focused and keeps mistakes at a minimum tomorrow the Phillies could be in for a long night.


• HOW will the elimination of the DH affect the Rays?


• HOW will the elimination of cowbells affect your enjoyment of the game?


• DO you think this kid reads Walkoff Walk?

For all of your daytime news and views, you know who's taking care of you. Weekend Editor Lloyd the Barber gets off his lawnchair and puts down the Labatt's long enough to regale you with all the baseball goings on. Stop by. He's working straight through and (weather permitting) doing tomorrow night's glog. I'll be back to see you for Sunday night's edition. Till then, have a good weekend, people.

Sports business junkie Darren Rovell is all over the MLB/Taco Bell synergistic promotion. And why not? Sports advertising is his bread-and-butter taco shell-and-hot sauce. Today, he reveals to an unknowing blogosphere (read: me) that the player who stole the first base of the World Series had to agree to endorse shitty Taco Bell tacos before the country would win themselves a free taco. Rovell telephoned Jason Bartlett's agent Ryan Ware to get all the relevant details.

Ware told me that before the game the MLB Players Association had called the agents of the players involved in the game, making sure that they were aware of the situation and were willing to be part of the promotion if their player stole the base.

After Bartlett stole the base, Ware, who was sitting next to Bartlett's parents and wife at the game, got on his phone and found out what the deal would be. Part of it, he said, would include Jason saying a couple words about Taco Bell in the locker room after the game. So he sent a text message to Bartlett not to leave the clubhouse before doing this quick voiceover that the company could use in a commercial.

That sounds downright despicable to me. It's as if the Yum! Brands bigwigs, in conjunction with the Major League Baseball corporation, warned players that were they to steal a base in the World Series, they'd have the bittersweet 'privilege' to endorse horrific faux-Mexican food in exchange for a few pesos.

Ware didn't tell Rovell how much his client would be earning for the purloined base but mentioned that Bartlett stood to earn significantly more if he showed up at a Taco Bell 'restaurant' on the day of the promotion. Maybe he can pick a local St. Petersburg franchise and hook up with former Devil Ray Steve Cox, currently operating the churros fryer.

The epic battle between Rocco Baldelli and his own cellular composition reached another milestone last evening. Yes, the Rays OF played a full 9 innings for the first time this season, and he chose game two of the World Series to do it. He has certainly earned that induction into the RI Italian American Hall Of Fame.

"I guess it's somewhat ironic that it comes up in the World Series, it's the one that I was able to go the longest in," Baldelli said. "It also helps to know in a week I'm not going to have play baseball for a while. So there's no reason to keep anything in reserve now."

The best news of all was Baldelli came out of the game feeling fine.

"I kind of accept it," Baldelli said regarding questions about his health. "I wish I didn't have to, but that's the situation I'm in. I know it's always going to be a topic."

It's undoubtedly a high water mark for a guy who seemed genuinely devastated when his condition was discovered. He's gone from a punchline to a story of overcoming obstacles and all that fluffy crap. I can think of no better post for our first Creampuff-less Friday of the year. Cheers to Rocco!

In today's Classic TV Friday, Lloyd The Barber's uncle sits on his lawn looking at fat Americans and pitying them for not living in Canada and not having Labatt's. Then he shows the Joe Carter home run, and talks about how Canada has won the last two WS.

HOW'S THAT WORKED OUT FOR YOU SINCE, FROSTBACK?

Greg Dobbs, Charlie Manuel's designated hitter of choice for Game Two, sucked last night. Yes, he got a single in the sixth to move Jimmy Rollins into scoring position but otherwise, he struck out twice, left four runners on base, and was lifted in the eighth for pinch-hitter Eric Bruntlett. Bruntlett proceeded to do something a National League DH had failed to do in the five previous seasons: hit a World Series tater tot.

Not since San Francisco Giants DH Shawon Dunston took Angels pitcher Kevin Appier deep in the fifth inning of Game Six of the 2002 had an NL DH hit a ding-dong in the World Series. Since that point, NL managers have been coming up short figuring out which bench players to pencil in to the DH slot. FOX showed a graphic last night that showed National League DHs were hitting a measly .067 since 2003 with 0 home runs and 1 RBI in World Series games.

Here's a list of the culprits:

• Jeff Conine, FLA (3 games)
• Reggie Sanders, STL
• Marlon Anderson, STL
• So Taguchi, STL (pinch hitter)
• Jeff Bagwell, HOU (2 games)
• Chris Duncan, STL
• Preston Wilson, STL (pinch hitter)
• Scott Spiezio, STL
• Ryan Spilborghs, COL (2 games)

What do all those guys have in common? A slightly above average bat and a slightly below average glove. They've failed to get hits or drive runners in; even future hall-of-famer Jeff Bagwell was limited in his brief appearance. Simply put, the NL teams are at a disadvantage because their roster doesn't normally carry someone who fits the mold of the typical AL DH. Someone who draws walks, hits for power, and doesn't drop off significantly against lefties or righties.

Charlie Manuel's choices for DH include a right-handed hitting backup catcher in Chris Coste and three lefty mashers in Dobbs, Matt Stairs and Geoff Jenkins. All of these guys have performed well in pinch-hitting duties for Manuel but they're a combined 1-for-7 with seven left on base in two games. With the game shifting to an NL park for the next three games, Manuel has one less thing to be second-guessed about by baseball bloggers.

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• How sloppy was that game last night? Seriously, there were three errors and countless failures at the plate (most of 'em by the Phillies). I can't really point to a single star from the game last night because even winning pitcher James Shields allowed way too many baserunners to be considered anything but lucky. Perhaps the best executed play of the night was the safety squeeze RBI by Jason Bartlett and even that came after a failed suicide squeeze attempt that went foul. Yes, it was a close game but it was not a pretty game.
  
  
• Who should Phillies fans be hanging in effigy this morning? Sorry, Jayson Werth, but your douchey facial hair and extraneous 'Y' in your first name can't save you now. You made your first error of the year in the first inning; that led to a Rays run. You went 1-for-5 at the plate with 2 K's and three men left on base. Sure, you threw out Rocco Baldelli at home to prevent a Rays run, but he returned the favor later and doubled you off first base on a liner.
  
  
• Should Joe Buck and Tim McCarver be shown the door? David Brown posed this question at Big League Stew this morning and I can't help but chime in with my own opinion. I'll make it short, though: Joe Buck relies too much on creating gravitas and Tim McCarver tries too hard to make his color commentary didactic. Buck ends up failing to appreciate the game and shows absolutely zero joy, while McCarver only ends up confusing the viewer because half of the time, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Get rid of 'em.
  
  
• Will they get Game Three in tomorrow night? The weather forecast says no. If Fat Al Roker is right, the game will be postponed to Sunday and Game Four will be postponed to Monday and my sister and her husband will need to find a new babysitter. They've got tix to Game Four.
  
  
• Did you enjoy Tuffy's liveglog? I hope you were lucky enough to be at your computer last night; I wasn't but I caught up on the glog this morning and it was stupendous. Thanks, Tuffy!

We have settled into our blogging spot for the evening, ready to serve you with mots both bon and apple-y. Instead of heading to The Library, we have ensconced ourselves kiddie-corner to the chain bar for Oktoberfestivus. Why did we pass on the Catholic school girl look across the street for the black shirts and faux class of Gordon's? Let's just say we never considered what Jon-Benet Ramsey would have grown up to be until we went to The Library. Your skirt height may vary.

Onto the game: we always supported Myers-Shields when it was in committee; we believe in the bill now. It's good for America; it's good for the children. (Wives, notsomuch.) Lineup shenanigans include More Rocco (which we approve of) and Designated Hitter Greg Hobbs (the baseball version of punting on third down).

See your sorry posteriors after the jump.

Hey kids, know a good witch doctor?

• WILL we see another well pitched, low scoring, high excitement affair in Game 2?


• OR will Brett Myers just try and throw it past every Ray he faces? That's a recipe for trouble, but he aint too bright.


• DO you think him and Los Lonely Boys will trade punchin' techniques? (Don't worry that's not a link to a Los Lonely Boys song.)


• DO you agree with James Shields that the Phillies are "more similar to our team, more than any other team in the playoffs?"


• ARE you going to be here round 8 to join Tuffy for a tour de force glog experience? He always brings the good. Pumpkin Baby will be here if she can figure out a way to get out of that thing.

See you then. Same WoW channel.

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• Patrick Ebert shares his thoughts on new Mariners G.M. Jack Zduriencik. U.S.S. Mariner.
  
  
• Don't get too excited about Jake Peavy yet, Braves fans. Seems as though he might stay in San Diego. Gaslamp Ball.
  
  
• Philadelphia Eagles Safety J.R. Reed Wore a B.J. Upton Jersey On Monday, Got Cut on Tuesday. The headline says it all. Fanhouse.
  
  
• Our own Lloyd the Barber reviews some video game that allows you to play actual baseball. I haven't played video game baseball since 1988 so I have no idea what this is like. Ghostrunner on First.
  
  
• Bob Costas may actually call baseball games again. Savor it! Biz of Baseball.
  
  
• Satire and parody may be dead, but this fake news item from the stalwart fake newspaper "The Onion" made me chuckle somewhat. The Onion.
  
  
• TIME TO START HOARDING CHEESE, YOU SONS OF BITCHES! Cookthink.

Last week, Rob regaled you with the rather humorous list of former Mets managers being considered for the Brewers head job. Unfortunately our (and you gotta think most people's) dreams of a battle Royale ending in several dead former Mets will not come to fruition. The Brewers have interviewed 3 candidates for the job, Randolph being the only one from that aforementioned group, and he says he's probably not going to interview any more.

Brewers general manager Doug Melvin confirmed Wednesday that he has interviewed former Oakland manager Ken Macha and former New York Mets manager Willie Randolph for the job. Melvin said he will interview former Arizona manager Bob Brenly today.

And Melvin might just stop there.

"I don't know if I'm going to interview a fourth or fifth (candidate)," Melvin said. "I think they are three strong candidates.

"I know that they all have been let go by other teams but they have pretty good track records."

I picture these quotes being tossed off without eye contact as Melvin scrolls through flights to Barbados on Travelocity. The following line also helped with that impression.

Melvin is aware that the Mets collapsed down the stretch in 2007 under Randolph and lost the NL East crown to Philadelphia.

Yeah that's a good thing to be "aware of." During the interview, Melvin also said he was "aware" that when a ball is hit out of the park while fair it's called a home run.

Personally, I think Randolph deserves another shot at a head job. I've always wondered why Brenly never got another gig after winning a title with the Diamondbacks. I mostly chalked it up to Mustache Discrimination. And Ken Macha well... I know every single thing about his tenure with the A's from that one day he filled in for Jerry Remy on NESN. It's very likely that one of these men could be a halfway decent candidate.

But it's just Melvin's tone in the piece that makes him sound like he's halfassing his search. When asked when an announcement would be made he said, "I'd like to do it... HONEY. GET IN HERE. IF WE BOOK THIS ROOM NOW WE GET A FREE NIGHT AND A VISA GIFT CARD!"

Last night was the first game of baseball's biggest pageant, the World Series! This can only mean one thing: time for Scott Boras to pipe up, strut around, and stick his chest out like a peacock. He's got the unenviable task of trying to get the Red Sox to re-sign team captain and grizzled veteran catcher Jason Varitek, who is coming off his worst offensive season in his entire career. No problem, though, because Scott Boras is nothing if he's not persuasive!

"If you think about his physical conditioning, he's got many more years to play in this game," Boras said last night. "When he's out there, this club is decisively different. You're really talking about a guy that is inherently valuable. In this day and time, what is a player like that worth?

Well, Scott, he was worth $10 million a year over the last four seasons, but now with his contract expired, he ain't worth that much. Baseball Prospectus projected that he's worth just under $5 million in 2009, and that number was posited before his horrid 2008 campaign. Yes, the Red Sox should re-sign him. No, they should not offer more than $5 million a year and no more than 2 years.

"We're in the process of finalizing data intake. We have to look at the marketplace. We have to look at similarly situated All-Star players, who they are in stature to their team. There are many comparisons. We're certainly going to look at how those players [were] received in the free agent market and use that as that watermark."

It's too bad you didn't get this shit worked out in January like you wanted to, Scotty. Maybe you shouldn't have waited for the Sox to come to you and been the bigger man for once in your miserable life.

This story was just published today. And what a headline!

Remember when the Rays started doing well and someone said "It's because they dropped the Devil from their name!" and you laughed? Then remember when everyone started saying it and you weren't laughing because it wasn't funny anymore? And then remember when some nutty Christian zealots were serious about it, and it wasn't surprising because those people are batshit crazy?

Well dig this. According to the Manichi Daily News, Satan's moniker is back in the win column thanks to Charlie Manuel.

Following the start of the World Series on Wednesday in the United States, Japanese fans should spot one familiar face amongst the ranks of Japanese players: Charlie Manuel, manager of the Philadelphia Phillies.

Nicknamed "Aka-oni" (Red Devil), Manuel, 64, was a former Japanese pro baseballer during the late 70s and early 80s. Now a manager, Manuel says his experience there was crucial to gaining his current position.

Take that religion! Lucifer is all up in that dome. Manuel was a pretty good ballplayer in Japan, hitting 39 tater tots in 1978 for the champion Yakult Swallows. The article doesn't explain how he got his nickname, but since this is Japan it was probably something about human sacrifice and/or deviant sexual practices. No wonder Mel Hall liked it over there so much.

Manuel's days in Japan may also provide some insight on how he's kept the mood positive during a few tumultuous years in the Philly clubhouse.

Despite an injury in 1979, when he had his jaw broken by a wayward pitch, he was back on the field just two months later, albeit wearing a chinguard.

"He was a cheerful player. He used to take out his artificial teeth in the locker room and make everyone laugh," said Kyosuke Sasaki, 58, a former teammate and later manager of the Kintetsu Buffaloes.

He taught Brett Myers' wife the same trick! Oh, Dark Prince Uncle Cholly! What a card.

Hey, a Major League Baseball player for a New York team has had some trouble with the law! Time for the sports sections of all the crappy newspapers in New York City to get some relevant quotes from the all-time leader in legal humiliation, Darryl Strawberry!

Seems that Darryl called the Yankees exec Ray Negron after he learned about Joba Chamberlain's DUI arrest to ask him to pass on some words of encouragement to Joba. Yes, that's exactly what someone needs when they've been arrested for the first time in their lives, words of encouragement from Darryl Strawberry. Just check out the "Legal and personal problems" section of Darryl's Wikipedia page. It reads like the Canterbury Tales, except with less courtly love and fewer Middle English rhymes.

"I told him I think the main thing for Joba right now is he needs to look at himself in the mirror and evaluate himself, more than anything," Strawberry said yesterday morning. "At that age, in the situation he's in with the Yankees, it's easy to think you can do whatever you want to do. But that's just the beginning."

Then perhaps this reflection is something Darryl should be experiencing privately, and not blabbing to the media. Next time Newsday calls you, Darryl, screen your goddamn calls.

Strawberry doesn't know Chamberlain. He's met him only once. But he knows mistakes like this very well.

But hey, why should that prevent him from giving advice to Joba in the pages of a tabloid newspaper?

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• Who was the MVP last night? Cole Hamels, no questions asked. His only mistake was deposited in the right field stands by Carl Crawford but other than that, he allowed four hits, escaped one serious jam with a double play, and struck out five in seven dominant innings. Kid's already got as many postseason victories this year as Sandy Koufax had in four World Series appearances, and is just the fourth pitcher to win three Game One starts in a single postseason.
  
  
• Did Shane Victorino know how many outfield assists B.J. Upton had this year? Probably not. Third base coach Steve Smith didn't send Victorino on Jimmy Rollins' shallow fly-out to center fielder Upton; it was Shane's bright idea to tag up. Kid got thrown out by a country mile by Upton, who had 16 outfield assists in the regular season. Was that a case of Upton having an awesome magical arm, or a case of Upton being tested with regularity? I don't know, I saw maybe 15 Rays games all season.
  
  
• So should Cole Hamels have been called for a balk or not? If you're Joe Maddon, the answer is absolutely yes. Hamels, according to Maddon, stepped towards home plate which is a no-no when attempting to pick off a runner. Hamels asserts that he only stepped towards first base, and ended up erasing Carlos Pena from the basepaths with his move and killed a late Rays rally. Tim McCarver was very helpful in explaining the balk rule last night. I'm not being facetious, Tim McCarver was helpful. For once.
  
  
• Will the Rays break the streak of Game One winners? The last five teams to win Game One of the World Series have gone on to win the whole bowl of cantaloupe. Sixty percent of Game One winners have won across the entire history of the World Series. The Phillies took away home-field advantage last night. Still, to count out the Rays because of past history would be silly. Let's all hope this Series goes much longer.
  
  
• HOW DO YOU LIVE LIKE THIS PHILLIES FANS? If you're Enrico of the 700 Level, you were rending your garments and tearing out your hair despite leading the entire game. For the sake of the collective sanity of the entire city of Philadelphia, I hope the Phillies win more convincingly in the future, or just get blown out.

Come back later tonight for another World Series Liveglog, starring Tuffy!

Welcome, readers and commenters to the first ever Walkoff Walk Wednesday Night Liveglog Club World Series Game! We've come a long way since we started liveglogging pre-season games back in March. Here's a link to the first ever glog which coincidentally featured the Phillies. This might be my last liveglog of the year, so I'm going to do my best to entertain you and actually finish the game. Hurry up and finish sewing those World Series patches onto your liveglog blazers, folks!

Tonight's World Series Game One features super lefty Scott Kazmir and his AL Champion Tampa Bay Rays against super lefty Cole Hamels and his NL Champion Philadelphia Phillies. Neither fella has much history against the other team's hitters, so let's ignore all that matchup bullshit tonight. Both pitchers will strike a lot of batters out. Both pitchers are at risk to give up taters. Both pitchers were drafted in the first round back in 2002. Neither pitcher has ever been in my kitchen. Therefore, I've convinced myself that Hamels and Kazmir are exactly the same person, just with different hairstyles.

Some lineup surprises for you to peruse:

Phillies	Rays
Rollins, SS Werth, RF Utley, 2B Howard, 1B Burrell, LF Victorino, CF Feliz, 3B Coste, DH Ruiz, C	Iwamura, 2b Upton, cf Pena, 1b Longoria, 3b Crawford, lf Aybar, dh Navarro, c Zobrist, rf Bartlett, ss

Yes, that's Ben Zobrist batting eighth and playing right field, not Gabe Gross and not Lloyd's boy toy Rocco Baldelli. What gives, Overmanagin' Joe Maddon? It's just Zobrist's second career start in right, but Maddon says the matchup with lefty Hamels is favorable. If Zobrist goes hitless and/or makes an error, you better expect some second guessing tomorrow morning.

Also note that Charlie Manuel has decided to keep Chase Utley and Ryan Howard glued together, side-by-side like conjoined left-handed hitting twins. He's also putting two catchers in the lineup, as righty Chris Coste has the most chances of hitting southpaw Kazmir of al the folks on the Philly bench. Who is Manuel's emergency catcher? I'm going with this person.

Enough analysis! Onto the glog! After the jump!

Hey kids, ghetto kiwis.

• WILL we get our first truly competitive World Series since 2002?


• WHAT does Billy Beane have to do with tonight's game? Read this.


• WHY do I want to punch Jonny Gomes so badly?


• WHO are you rooting for?


• WHAT braindead thing will Tim McCarver say tonight?


• WILL Fox cameras show Joe Maddon as much as the TBS ones did? They were obsessed with that hipster doofus.


• ARE you going to be back here with Rob for his Glog? It's at 8 PM sharp. Formal underwear required.

Enjoy the World Series, people. We're finally here.

So wait a second. This is the only World Series we're having? The one that starts tonight? Crap. I need to go back to Downtown Crossing and rough up the guy that sold me this Red Sox AL Champs hat.

I'm just kidding. 1. I can't rough anyone up and B. Of course the Red Sox are out. They lost to a better Tampa team. They got 4 lousy nights of starting pitching from Beckett, Lester, Wakefield and Matsuzaka at the most inopportune time and it was too much to overcome. Fair enough. The question now is, what do they do to improve the ballclub for next season? The gist of this mostly impenetrable and snoozily repetitive interview with Theo Epstein is that the entire way the organization is now constructed precludes the need for massive season to season upgrages/moves.

He says that the Red Sox try to be league average at each position and above league average at as many positions as possible. Looking around the field, the one glaring position the Sox sit below league average is now catcher. No glossing over that one. Jason Varitek is a free agent this year and despite being a Seminole, Kevin Cash probably isn't a starting catcher for a contender. The free agent pool for catchers is non descript and any moves would have to come via trade. Big names like Russel Martin won't come cheap, and Epstein is rightly reluctant to part ways with too much young talent. A strategy that's paid off.

All of this sounds far less exciting than this team actually was to watch this year. Even though Beckett and Lowell were hampered all season, the maturation of Youkilis, Pedroia and Lester made this team as fun as last year's World Champs.

If I can channel Theo Epstein for a second, the Red Sox stay above average more consistently than any other baseball team in the 21st century. That's a pretty good sign for another good season next year.

Former Milwaukee Brewers Scouting Director Jack Zduriencik has been hired as the new General Manager of the Seattle Mariners. He was instrumental in drafting Walkoff Walk favorite Manny Parra, so we are calling this a "good hire". (Brewers Blog)

We here at Walkoff Walk pretend to know everything about baseball, but when it comes to blatant homerism, we know nothing past the Yankees and Red Sox. Therefore, we've enlisted Daniel McQuade of Philadelphia Will Do to talk up the Phillies and their chances of winning the whole stick of butter.

So Dmac, why will the Phillies win the World Series?

Every year before the World Series a bunch of newspaper columnists from the two competing cities write horrible, unfunny crap about the opposing city. And now that my local baseball nine is back in the World Series, I'd like to join the party!

Unfortunately, the Phillies are playing the Tampa Bay Rays this October. And, really, what is there to joke about the Tampa-St. Petersburg-Clearwater Metropolitan Statistical Area? That area is almost as bad as Kissimmee-St. Cloud. It's so crappy it's where Scientology makes its headquarters. It's so crappy it's where the losingest baseball team of all time goes for Spring Training. It's so crappy the hockey arena is named after a newspaper. What the hell is a newspaper?

And, yes, the area's baseball team is named after a body of water (Tampa Bay) and line segments that extend forever in one direction (Rays). I suppose I could go all Gregg Easterbrook and call them the "St. Petersburg Rays," but then I'd be as wrong on my prediction as Easterbrook was on global warming. And Judaism¹.

According to its Wikipedia page, a "2004 survey by the NYU newspaper ranked Tampa as a top city for 20-somethings." Truly, a higher honor was never awarded to a city than to get a "top city" ranking from the Washington Square News. Hey, what does The Daily Pennsylvanian think of Tampa? Or maybe The Daily Iowan?

There's also a town in the Tampa Bay area named Land O'Lakes, presumably after the butter.

I don't really watch much American League baseball, as I have taste. According to this story on the Rays' official website, manager Joe Maddon kept the team in it with his "chronic positive thinking." I don't really want t mock a man with such a serious chronic condition, so I'll just move on to the players on the field. (If you'd forgotten, the topic of this blog post is: baseball.)

Predicting sports is easy, though. It takes a real man to tell you not just why the Phillies will win but how. As such, here's a game-by-game recap of how the Phillies take home their first World Series crown since 1980.

Game 1: Phillies 10, Rays 3

Ryan Howard hits a first-inning grand slam against Scott Kazmir and Cole Hamels pitches seven strong innings to give the Phillies a 1-0 series lead. Pat Burrell, though, goes 0-for-4 with four strikeouts, distracted by the sadness of the impending loss of Zima.

ESPN's lead story: Manny Ramirez and Scott Boras in the Budweiser Hot Seat!

Game 2: Phillies 2, Rays 1

The Rays load the bases in the first three innings, but hit into double plays to end all three without scoring any runs. Two copy editors at the Philadelphia Inquirer get into a fistfight afterward, wondering if they still have to use the stupid Knight-Ridder style of "doubleplay." Seriously, people, it's two words. We have enough compound words already; we don't need to make any more.

The announcers continue to harp on the one thing they know about Shane Victorino (he's Hawaiian). Victorino, though, plays the part by making a nice catch while wearing a Hula skirt and dancing the Luau.

ESPN's lead story: A-Rod and Kobe Bryant team up for a charity basketball match... AGAINST THE BOSTON RED SOX?!

Game 3: Rays 8, Phillies 1

Jamie Moyer gives up 15 first-inning runs but the Phillies pitch so well the rest of the way the Rays only end up with 8. The Phils, though, can't get score much, especially after Joe Maddon -- using these even wackier glasses he ordered out of a 1963 Spider-man comic -- convince the umpires that in NL parks in the World Series the AL team is allowed to have a "short fielder."

Meanwhile, Joe Buck is morally outraged by a "Marry me Chase!" sign: "That man is already married! That is a disgusting act by that fan. And it's unfortunate that we have that on our air live." Tim McCarver continues to refer to the Phillies as "a group of geese" for some reason.

After the game, Shane Victorino spews out lava, destroying several villages. Chase Utley, mired in a slump, realizes it's been a while since he ate any brains and really gets down to his roots as a young zombie boy before the next game.

ESPN's lead story: Chris Berman's All-Time Greatest Nickname Countdown, Nos. 975-950.

Game 4: Phillies 7, Rays 0.

Joe Blanton pitches a complete game shutout and Chase Utley hits a pair of homers powered by the brains of the living; both are immediately inducted into the Mmm... Hall of Fame.

ESPN's lead story: Jayson Stark's "A Modest Proposal": What if we just have our own Alternate World Series with Boston vs. Manny?

Game 5: Phillies 1, Rays 0.

The Phillies win the World Series on a walkoff walk in the bottom of the ninth by Ryan Howard, who had switched to a new bat (actually Jared from Subway) for the final game. Shane Victorino celebrates by thanking the Hawaiian Shark God. Joe Buck asks Brad Lidge postgame if he'll ever be able to recover from giving up a homer to Albert Pujols.

ESPN's lead story: Sports Guy Asks His Friends Kronk, J-Dawg And Sweaty D. to rank the NBA teams using quotes from "Caddyshack II."

And that, my friends, is how the Phillies will win².

Addendum: Hey, look, my dad made the same pick! I wonder if he thinks Ryan Howard is going to use Jared from Subway as a bat, too.

¹ When Easterbrook's column returned to ESPN.com, Deadspin wrote a headline that was something like, "Gregg Easterbrook now free to hate Jews at ESPN." A few minutes later it was gone. Come on, Leitch, that was the funniest thing you ever wrote and you wimped out or caved in to Denton or something. I guess what I'm trying to say here is the only thing worse than Gregg Easterbook's political writing is his football column.

² Sorry I didn't make any Rays jokes³; I'm far too lazy to look up who's on the team or anything. On the plus side, I didn't make any Eva/Evan Longoria jokes, so at least there was that.

³ We're using a very loose-definition of "jokes" here⁴

⁴ R.I.P. David Foster Wallace.

Remember the 2005 NL Champion Astros? No black guys. Remember last year's NL Champion Colorado Rockies? They only had one black guy. And that was LaTroy Hawkins and he's terrible. You ever heard of Major League Baseball? Well, only 8% of their players are black guys. The African American Player Exodus (what's the opposite of White Flight?) continues from MLB, but the league will put on a diverse face in this year's World Series. As the LA Times Points out today, the Phillies and Rays have star black players, and the league is super stoked that serendipity has achieved something that 20 years of work hasn't been able to.

This series features such stars as Rollins, the most valuable player in the National League last season; the Phillies' Ryan Howard, the 2006 MVP and this year's major league home run leader; and the Rays' B.J. Upton, who needs one home run to tie the postseason record.

Price, the top pick in last year's baseball draft, secured the outs that clinched the Rays' spot in the World Series.

"You can't buy better exposure than that," said Darrell Miller, director of baseball's first urban youth academy, located at Compton College.

"We can say all we want about the great opportunity, but it speaks volumes when they can see young, vibrant superstars showing their successes and skills on prime-time TV, on the biggest stage baseball has to offer."

This is a new generation of players -- Rollins is 29, Howard 28, Upton 24, Price 23 -- to inspire a new generation of African American athletes to take up the sport.

"I'm delighted," Commissioner Bud Selig said. "To have young role models -- they're great kids and great citizens as well as extraordinary players -- does it help? In a huge way."

Despite taking vocal cues from Donald Rumsfeld (Rhetorical question? Immediate answer.), Bud's statement hints at the turbulent career of baseball's all time biggest black star, Barry Bonds. Shoddy and inconsistent treatment of Bonds hasn't helped baseball's profile among black youth.

Quoted above, Darrell Miller is the founder of RBI, the inner city baseball program that Harold Reynolds is always on about in those United Way commercials. He's an interesting person to interview because of his experience, but isn't the existence of this article proof that his program hasn't worked that well? Maybe his new intern, Keanu can help.

The WoW World Series Dabbleboard is open for business. Feel free to mess around.

In May 2007, the FBI arrested six men who were attempting to attack Fort Dix military base in South Jersey with assault weapons. This sounds far worse than it really is; the six men were basically bumbling idiots who couldn't have taken down a Wawa if they tried. Still, terrorism is no joke and these dudes are all in Federal Court facing severe weapons charges.

Today, the trial continues in a Camden County, NJ courthouse, just across the river from Philadelphia. Here's what happened this morning in this Very Serious Terrorism Case:

Thirteen of the 18 jurors and alternates wore shirts, sweaters or sweatshirts sporting the Philadelphia Phillies logo. The attorneys, judge and spectators laughed.

Hilarious! That's the perfect way to lighten up a trial of folks who conspired to kill U.S. soldiers! Best of all, the Phillie Phanatic was the jury foreman.

There is not a single journalist or baseballblogger in the known universe who, before the '08 season started, predicted the Rays and Phillies would meet in the World Series. No big deal, predictions are dumb anyway. Let's just sit back and enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime matchup and break down each team's strengths and weaknesses before we all make another dumb prognostication.

With both the ALCS and NLCS MVP awards going to starting pitchers, let's start by comparing the two teams' rotations. The Phillies are led by lefty Cole Hamels, who is definitely the best pitcher on his own team and maybe the best pitcher on both teams. After Hamels, the Phils rotation is a jumbled grab bag: a wild fireballer in Brett Myers, a cagey veteran in Jamie Moyer and a chubby Kentuckian in Country Joe Blanton.

The four Rays pitchers are each better than those three Phillies but it's tough to find a #1 guy. Yes, Scott Kazmir is starting Game One and yes, Matt Garza was the ALCS MVP and yes, James Shields had the lowest regular season WHIP and yes, Andy Sonnanstine....uh....has a long last name, but the Rays strength is not having a dominant front-line starter; the Rays strength is depth.

The Rays depth continues in the bullpen, where you can expect to see a different closer every night. The most important reliever on the team is youngster David Price, but manager Joe Maddon has said he won't use Price in consecutive days. So if the Rays have a late lead, expect Overmanagin' Joe Maddon to be creative with his pen and go with the lefty-righty matchups. There's nothing wrong with a little overmanaging when it produces results.

The Phillies bullpen has been coasting since April, but if you think for a second that Brad Lidge is unbeatable, then you haven't been watching the high and deep fly balls hit off of him in the playoffs. It's a wonder he's been perfect in save opportunities for this long, but hey, what other choice does Charlie Manuel have at this point? He'll be playing with fire but he'd be dumb to change things up now.

Offensively, Manuel can change things up and make a difference. He's been blindly batting lefties Ryan Howard and Chase Utley back-to-back for so long, it's as if he doesn't care about teams with strong left-handed pitchers who can neutralize them late. The Rays have three strong southpaws in the pen (Trever Miller, Price, and J.P. Howell). Howard and Utley are terrible against lefties. Utley's OPS drops 50 points against lefties while Howard's OPS plummets over 200 points. Do the smart thing, Uncle Cholly. Put right-handed hitter Pat the Bat between these two.

The Rays lineup is much more balanced. They don't have any MVP candidates but they don't have a huge gaping hole like the Phillies do at the 7th and 8th slots (Pedro Feliz and catcher-of-choice). Joe Maddon's main decision is whether to DH Cliff Floyd or Willy Aybar and whether to play Gabe Gross or Rocco Baldelli in right field. Still, the handedness of the opposing pitcher usually makes that decision for him.

So who is going to win? Probably the Rays. I'll take 'em in seven. Who you got?

Hey, did you hear anything about the global economic crisis? Me neither! I've been watching too much baseball and profiting off the blood of the working class. But Bloomberg.com is telling me that this global economic crisis might actually affect the multi-national corporation known as Major League Baseball! Negatively! I know!

The credit crunch and fallout from the Standard & Poor's 500 Index falling 35 percent for the year is also hurting corporate sponsorship. The Mariners lost Washington Mutual Inc. after it was saved by JPMorgan Chase & Co., and the Arizona Diamondbacks need to find an advertiser on the pool in the right-field stands after Riviera Pools filed for bankruptcy.

Oh dear God no! Who is going to sponsor the goddamn pool in Arizona? How will the Diamondbacks find the money to pay for Adam Dunn's pedicures if nobody is sponsoring that stupid right field pool?

Seriously though, baseball's appeal will not fade despite the global financial crisis. Heck, the Yankees and Mets have nearly sold out luxury suites in their respective new stadiums for over five-hundred thousand dollars, and league officials will be diving Scrooge McDuck-style into a $5 billion television contract for the next five years. By the time that thing expires, the United States will be back living off the hog and the FOX network will pony up 50 billion dollars for the right to torture our ears with the blathering of Tim McCarver for another half decade.

If anything, folks who can't afford tickets will watch more baseball on television and turn to a time-tested entertainment source to avoid thinking about their 401(k) plans headed into the shitter.

Hey kids, opportunities multiply as they are seized.

• DO you have what it takes to survive another baseball-less night?

Come back tomorrow and we'll let you make World Series predictions. And then tomorrow night, I'll glog Game One with some special Photoshops by WoW intern Darren. See ya!

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• Phillies fans have tough travel problems since they're playing a team inaccessible by Acela train or automobile. One must travel by aeroplane and/or dirigible. Philadelphia Will Do.
  
  
• Jonah Keri's 31 1/2 reasons to watch the World Series. Why just 31 1/2? Because Canadians can't count to 50. ESPN Page 2.
  
  
• Jayson Stark has no idea how many World Series the Pirates have won. That is something Jayson Stark and I have in common. WHYG,AVS?.
  
  
• Maury Brown's five easy ways for TBS to get their shit in gear in time for the 2009 playoffs. Biz of Baseball.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh are fascinated by teleprompters and blenders. In other news, their family in India finally got their first transistor radio. The Million Dollar Arm Blog.
  
  
• In which a beverage review pursues the concept of "Equality in pursuit of objectivity". Knowledge for Thirst.

We here at Walkoff Walk pretend to know everything about baseball, but when it comes to blatant homerism, we know nothing past the Yankees and Red Sox. Therefore, we've enlisted David Chalk of Bugs & Cranks to talk up the Rays and their chances of winning the whole stick of butter. He insisted on calling them the "Devil Rays" so don't blame me for the misnomer.

So David, why will the Devil Rays win it all?

First off -- I want to congratulate the Phillies and their fans for a terrific season that for all intents and purposes ended last Wednesday. What a run you've had, reaching the apex of Philadelphia sports achievement, a losing appearance in the final round of the postseason. As long as no Phillie player vomits on the field during the World Series, they will have given a better account of themselves than Donovan McNabb.

If the Phillies were playing almost any other American League squad in the World Series, they would deservedly be heavy underdogs. How much more so then when they are not playing just any team from a league far superior to their own, but playing the greatest team in baseball this year and perhaps any year, the mighty Tampa Bay Devil Rays?

Certainly, it has taken some people a long time to realize how awesome the Devil Rays are. In March 2007, when I was encouraging people "to join me early here on the Devil Rays Recreational Vehicle of Dynastic Destiny," I heard from a lot of doubters and haters. Before spring training, I went team by team through all 29 other clubs, and showed how not one was shit compared to our Devil Rays, and surprisingly some people still remained unconvinced. But I'll try one more time to throw out a few of the countless reasons our beloved Devil Rays will be World Champions.

You don't have a team as good as the Devil Rays -- a MLB-best 104 wins this year -- come as close to seeing their season end as they did in the ALCS, and come out flat in the World Series.

Did you watch any of those games in Boston last week? Longoria, Upton and Pena averaged 7 home runs per game -- you think Fat Joe Blanton and Jamie Lee Curtis Moyer are gonna be able to keep them in that ridiculous bandbox stadium they have in Philly?

Cliff Floyd guaranteed a Devil Ray world title when the playoffs began. Nate Silver put our odds at over 90%. Rob Iracane predicted a Devil Rays over Cubs World Series a few weeks ago.

The Phillies had a 7-day layoff -- that didn't help the fluketastic Rockies or the Tigers the last two years.

We're too deep in every facet of the game -- offense, defense, starting pitching, bullpen, speed, power.

And again, the Phillies haven't won anything. They've been handed two straight division titles by the Mets. They had a first-round bye against the worn-out Brewers. They got to skip the Cubs and face one of the chokingest postseason managers in the history of baseball.

Somebody might want to play the impact of the Philly fans -- but just like you saw in Wrigley this year, you take an accursed fan base and as soon as they get hit in the mouth once you get the here-we-go-again effect. That's what a 25-year drought'll do to you. And 25 teams times 4 sports, that's 100 seasons too.) The faithful of Devil Ray Town don't have that problem. The ALCS has demonstrated once again that this team can and will come back from anything -- if it should somehow freakishly get to that point.

But come on, honestly -- this wasn't a serious question, it was a goof, right? Y'all watch baseball?

From the St. Pete Times:

Monday's celebration at St. Petersburg's Pier was a study in sensory overload. Thousands of Rays fans crowded the downtown location taking up the ground and top levels of the building.

There was an earnest but comical rendition of "Take me out to the ballgame," performed by members of the St. Petersburg City Council. And Mayor Rick Baker took to the stage armed with a guitar and performed with the Sunburn band. A fan on a unicycle rode through the crowd tossing baseballs and other trinkets honoring the Rays win. Blue and yellow streamers were thrown through the air throughout the festivities.

Dorks.

The rumors are true, the Backstreet Boys will be singing the National Anthem tomorrow night at the Trop.

Oh boo-hoo, the FOX network didn't get their desired Red Sox-Dodgers matchup in the World Series and now everyone is going to cry in their oatmeal because the TV ratings are going to be in the shitter for the next week or so. I expressed my opinion on a Phillies-Rays series last week as such:

How bad will the ratings be for a possible Phillies-Rays World Series? Who the fuck cares? What monetary stake do I have in the ratings? I could care less what the ratings get or how much money the FOX network stands to make or lose because the teams they wanted didn't make the big dance. For a baseball fan, a Phillies-Rays series is awesome because both teams are good at playing baseball. Screw the ratings; every non-baseball fan can go watch crappy shows like How I Met Your Mother or Chuck and go shit in their hats. I don't care if it's the Saskatchewan Mooseriders and the Peoria Yogurteaters playing in the World Series: if the baseball is good, I'm there.

Peoria Yogurteaters...I'm so clever! Anyway, David Pinto over at Baseball Musings has some forward-thinking ideas that might prove how ridiculous all the naysayers are. He points out that the highest-rated Fall Classic in the past eleven years was the 1997 Marlins-Indians series that went the full seven. Two otherwise inconsequential cities with next-to-zero market size produced two great baseball teams that fought tooth-and-nail, with the Indians (forgot about Mesa!) Marlins coming out on top. He followed up with this:

The 1997 series also featured a Florida team not known for turning out crowds. Fans, however, do watch the Marlins on TV. The series featured a team roaring onto the scene after never winning before against a team that had not won a World title in decades. The series was also very tight, with the Marlins and Indians winning alternate games. If the series avoids looking like a sweep fairly early, I can see pretty good ratings for the week.

See? It's not about the market size of the teams in the fight, it's about the fight of the size in the...wait, how does this cliché go?

One day before the World Series begins, Walkoff Walk brings back the Playoff Dabbleboard for all your graffito-makin' needs. Get your Wassily Kandinsky on, folks.

Several members of the American League champion Tampa Bay Rays woke up early the day after their big ALCS Game Seven win over the Red Sox, most likely hungover from Bacchanalian celebrations that lasted throughout the night, and threw their cheesy teal-colored hats into the political ring at a Democratic rally in Tampa:

Rookie pitcher David Price will introduce (Barack) Obama, the Democratic presidential nominee, at the "Early Vote for Change" rally at Steinbrenner (formerly Legends) Field in Tampa. Outfielder Fernando Perez will talk about the importance of early voting. Carl Crawford, Cliff Floyd and Jonny Gomes will also be there.

Price introducing Obama? Sounds right to me. Despite your political leanings, you have to appreciate the similarities between Price and Obama. Both were relative unknowns when they first emerged on the national stage. Both performed at a high level with a calm approach in a high-intensity situation. Both are younger than most folks in their chosen profession. Both were up against old farts in a pressure situation, as Obama faced 92-year-old John McCain in three debates and Price struck out 63-year-old Jason Varitek in the ninth inning of Game Seven of the ALCS.

Most importantly, Obama and Price might meet again early next year as President Obama introduces the World Champion Rays at the White House. Either that or a dejected Senator Obama will stop by to shoot some hoops in Montgomery, Alabama with a struggling Price who got sent down to the Triple-A Biscuits. I can't predict the future, people.

(Picture stolen from Tampabay.com)

All four expansion teams added since 1993 have now won league championships and earned an appearance to the World Series. The Florida Marlins and Arizona Diamondbacks won the whole bowl of almonds while the Colorado Rockies and Tampa Bay Rays are just happy to be there. That leaves the Texas Rangers, Seattle Mariners, and Washington Nationals as the only franchises to never make the World Series.

The second most despicable newspaper in New York has new! and exciting! details about the Joba Chamberlain DUI arrest. The Daily News reports that Joba, a full ninety minutes before leaving a Lincoln, Nebraska strip club, was heckled by a man who said two magic words that make New York tabloids quiver with delight: "Red" and "Sox":

Chamberlain - who had a blood-alcohol level more than 1-1/2 times Nebraska's legal limit when he was nabbed - was heckled as he and friends watched the dancers at the Night Before Lounge, witnesses said.

"Some guy yelled out, 'If you played for the Red Sox, you wouldn't be sitting here,'" clubgoer Gary (Bo) Bohaty said.

"That got a rise out of him," said Bohaty, owner of the Beacon Lounge, a bar next to the strip club. "[Joba] turned his head and said, 'What did you say?' and the guy yelled it out again."

As Chamberlain kept shouting back, one of the pitcher's friends got into a shoving match with the heckler, said the club's manager, who asked not to be identified.

That gentleman should be a professional heckler! Ho, ho, he sure zinged Joba Chamberlain, star Yankees pitcher! In fact, he irked him so much that Joba and his crew stayed another hour and a half before departing, leaving a $100 tip on a $145 tab, after which Joba got arrested for the DUI. Cause and effect, says this investigative reporter!

Perhaps the best quote comes from Joba's dad:

"Please get off my property," said Harlan Chamberlain, who then pointed to a woman in a neighboring driveway. "If she got a DUI, would it be a story?"

Yes, Harlan, because you live next door to Barbara Billingsley.

Hey kids, save your lids.

• WHAT in tarnation are you going to do tonight?? I suppose you could read a book or catch up with some old friends or so...zzzzz. HURRY UP AND GET HERE WEDNESDAY.

Thanks to everyone who sent me well wishes after last night's game. Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. At some point this week I'll be writing up a Red Sox post-mortem. Don't worry about sap, I'll leave that for the maple trees. One thing I will say, is that I can't really bring myself to root for either Philly or Tampa Bay come Wednesday. I'll just be hoping for exciting games.

Stop by tomorrow. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

It's been a huge month for Barry Bonds. Most importantly of course, he got to meet Rinku and Dinesh. Then after that was over, the players union declared that baseball owners had colluded to keep him out of baseball for 2008, and have decided to file a grievance.

As Ray Ratto of the SF Chronicle notes, collusion is an elusive thing to prove, but come on. They probably did it.

Again, we remind you that collusion without a paper trail is hard to prove, and one would have to think the owners had the good sense not to leave their notes lying around. Plus, we don't even know if there were notes taken, or that collusion actually happened at all. Maybe this was one time when they let their mutual self-interests find their own level without manipulating the result.

Then again, they colluded last time (and still deny that they did, the weasels), and it cost them more than a quarter-billion dollars when a quarter-billion was really worth a quarter-billion. You remember what a quarter-billion feels like, right, kids?

So here's rooting for the union on this one, not because we care whether Bonds pockets one last hunk of change from MLB, but because we haven't seen a carotid artery pound out "Rocket 88" in time, and we can tell that it wouldn't take much to get Bowtie Billy's neck to perform. Losing a million bucks or so for actively not doing something wrong ought to be sufficiently amusing.

That last paragraph alludes to Giants exec Bill Neukom, a man Ratto seems to hold in esteem just above his bookie. He rightly points out that any collusion case, really shouldn't find the Giants guilty because, well, they released him in the first place. Not wanting a guy on your team isn't illegal, and you very well can't pick him back up right after you release him.

Do I think the owner's colluded to keep Bonds out of baseball? I think it's likely. Most bloggers and mainstream writers have one piece in their portfolio that reads, "____ should sign Barry Bonds." It's hard to believe every single one of them could have been wrong.

Milwaukee Brewers interim manager Dale Sveum was informed last week that his 'interim' title was super-accurate. As soon as G.M. Doug Melvin finds a new manager, Sveum is out on his ass, probably from the entire Milwaukee organization. Hey Dale, when Doug Melvin gets another shot at hiring superstar manager Ken Macha, he's taking NO chances.

The shitcanned skipper, who led the Brewers to a just-above-mediocre 7-5 record over the last two weeks of the regular season and backed in to the playoffs thanks to a completely expected Mets collapse only to be sent packing by the NL champion Philadelphia Phillies, is notably emo:

"My heart was ripped out of my chest," said Sveum. "I was shocked.

"I thanked him for the opportunity. Now, I'm in a tough situation. I'm out of a job. The most disappointing part of it all is that I'm no longer going to wear a Brewers uniform. That's the toughest part. I loved the Brewers and the organization."

"I just wish there wasn't so much emphasis put on veteran managers," said Sveum. "I'll match my knowledge of baseball and my ability to slow the game down with anybody."

Slow the game down? This is a positive thing? This is what Sveum lists under "Strengths" on his resume? Geez, thank you, Doug Melvin, for taking care of this plague. Why did Sveum need to slow down the game? So he had extra time to figure out what was going on?

The Yankees and Cowboys have a bunch of things in common. Both have won handfuls of titles. Both have fat fans. Both have cartoonish maniacal owners. And now they're partnering with Goldman Sachs (who I've never heard of but I guess are some sort of start up or non-profit) to create a new concessions company.

The New York Yankees and Dallas Cowboys have partnered to create Legends Hospitality Management. The two powerhouse franchises recently borrowed $100 million according to Kaplan and Muret of the Sports Business Journal. The company "is based out of Newark, N.J. and counts private equity firms Goldman Sachs and CIC Partners as investors. The Yankees and Cowboys will each own a third, with Goldman owning most of the remainder," according to the SBJ.

That is some deep fried power brokering right there. The Yanks and The Boys are both opening $1+ Billion stadiums next year and figured it would be good to keep every single penny in house. Have you ever dreamed of working for Jerry Jones or the Steinbrenners? No longer do you need to be a premier athlete. Now you can just be a high schooler or immigrant willing to work in dangerous conditions for minimum wage!

Another factor in the partnership appears to be Dallas' proximity to Tyler, TX, home of Tyler Chicken. That company provides all of Yankee Stadium's chicken products including some sort of fermented chicken drink.

Red Sox Nation governor of North Carolina Sean Bunn went out to his local watering hole last Wednesday night to watch his beloved Red Sox fall flat on their faces in a tough Game Four loss to the Rays. He came home to find his condo had been vandalized, seemingly by a Yankees fan with a cruel sense of humor.

All of his Red Sox memorabilia was vandalized. His antique furniture was vandalized. His 2004 World Series commemorative plates with images of Curt Schilling and Jonathan Papelbon locked in a lusty embrace were shattered. His Jim Rice Fathead and his Johnny Pesky Fathead were re-arranged to look like they were engaged in an unspeakable interracial tryst. Pinstripes and interlocking NY's were spray painted in his condo, and the uniform numbers of Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez were spray painted on the backs of his dress shirts.

Worst of all, the vandal simply can't count or spell:

In a destructive nod to history, the vandal or vandals painted "26-3" on one wall -- apparently a botched reference to the Yankees' number of World Series championships relative to those won by the Red Sox. Bryan Richardson, 33, a friend of Bunn's who helps organize Triangle Red Sox Nation events, believes the clues point to someone who isn't a lifelong Yankees fan.

"I don't think it's a typical fan at all, because they know how to spell 'Yankees,' " Richardson said in a telephone interview, referring to the "Yankes" painted on one wall. "It's probably somebody who was not brought up a Yankee fan, maybe a young kid in high school or college who doesn't understand the whole history."

Wait, was that a jab at Yankees fans? I don't understand North Cackalackians' feeble attempt at humor.

(We owe an entire Coke distributorship to the folks at BBTF Newsblog)

Joe Maddon had a bevy of bullpen options in the eighth inning of last night's Game Seven tussle and he simply couldn't decide which option to choose. So he chose them all. Starter Matt Garza (0 outs) gave way to righty Dan Wheeler (1 out) who gave way to lefty J.P. Howell (1 out) who gave way to sidearmer Chad Bradford (0 outs) who gave way to rookie David Price, making his third appearance in the playoffs after just five games in the regular season. Price finished out the eighth by striking out J.D. Drew with the bases loaded, and it was all easy coasting downhill from there for the youngster.

Price was the #1 pick in the 2007 draft and he earned his bonus with the next three outs he got, the final outs of the ALCS. Kid earned his first career save by striking out Jason Varitek swinging and Mark Kotsay looking, and then getting Jed Lowrie to ground into a fielders choice. Somebody send a search and rescue team into the Trop; I think Kotsay is still standing at home plate staring at that slider. Think about it: Maddon put a rookie on the mound in the biggest spot of the season, leaving Grant Balfour and Trever Miller to sweep up the sunflower seeds in the bullpen. That's gutsier than getting that shitty fauxhawk haircut and way gutsier than spending all his hard-earned cash on hipster foods like arugula and farmhouse cheddar.

Price combined a 96 MPH fastball with his wicked nasty slider to embarrass the bottom of the Sox lineup. With his repertoire of pitches and the fluid nature of Maddon's pen management, it's quite possible that Price will be called upon to close out games in the upcoming World Series. He's like the new version of 2002 World Series-era Francisco Rodriguez, except without that silly 'pointing-to-the-sky' routine. What's up there anyway, Frankie?!? A space shuttle?

Garza got the win last night and earned his ALCS MVP award. But it was David Price who shocked and awed the Sox in the eighth and ninth innings, sending them back to Boston without any fruit cup. Not bad for a Tennessee kid who grew up rooting for the Braves.

Congratulations to the Rays for winning the entire ball of wax. Nobody thought they'd be here! Nobody knew they'd win! But Joe Maddon and his band of merry unknowns turned the tables on the entire Junior Circuit in stamping the lone ticket to the World Series. The Rayspocalypse continues on Wednesday.

Thanks to Tuffy and Lloyd the Barber for handling some amazing weekend liveglogs, and thanks to Getty Images photog Doug Benc for snapping that great image.

Since this may not be a real glog, we can't really call ourselves a true club. We'll be a loose association of commenters and observers.

This is a game 7 that many of us didn't expect to see. The improbably of game 5 gave way to the inevitability of game 6. I'm sure many Sox fans had all but checked out for the season, but now their hooked in further than ever.

I'm going to try to glog it as often as I can, but wives don't seem to appreciate monopolizing both the internet AND the TV on a Sunday night. Luckily, I saved some high quality lithium from my single days, so she'll be out like a light before the third inning. But first the lineups that I just finished "analyzing."

Red Sox C. Crisp cf D. Pedroia 2b D. Ortiz dh K. Youkilis 3b J.D. Drew rf J. Bay lf M. Kotsay 1b J. Varitek c A. Cora ss

Tampa Bay Rays A. Iwamura 2b B.J. Upton cf C. Pena 1b E. Longoria 3b C. Crawford lf W. Aybar dh D. Navarro c R. Baldelli rf J. Bartlett ss

Let's glog it after the jump

Hmmm, if only I had lede. Game 7 is almost upon us and I'm here to shoot skepticism all over the manager's choices. Some key players have slumped through the playoffs, do their managers have the magic touch? Can they find the secret combination to secure a World Series birth?

Boston - Starting Jon Lester will no doubt give the Sox a boost. He got knocked around like a hogtied tourist in the trunk of a Brazilian taxi during Game 3, but has been the best Boston pitcher all season.

Tito Francona has made a few changes to his lineup, reinserting Alex Cora at short to start against Matt Garza. No joke Terry, I don't get it. Yes, a left handed bat has value, but doesn't Jed Lowrie sometimes hit left also? Oh right, he can't hit either. The rest of the lineup is the same, Yook following Papi, Drew in front of Bay.

Tampa Bay - Professor Joe Maddon has opted for a comprehensive overhaul of his lineup due to Jon Lester's freakish left handedness. Willy Aybar is in as the DH, relegating angry Cliff Floyd to the bench. Considering the early hook he gave Gabe Gross last night, he wasn't likely to start tonight no matter what. The southpaw on the hill gives Joe Maddon an excuse to bust out the secret weapon: ROCCO GETS THE START IN RIGHT FIELD!!11!! Rocco's made three starts this postseason, picking up 2 hits and 4 RBI. The team won 2 of his starts which qualifies him for secret weapon status.

Matt Garza's game 3 start was excellent, but quite a few Socks have excellent records against the big righty. Ortiz has only 2 hits lifetime, but both were big flies. Interestingly enough, the Sock with the best history against Matt Garza is the badly struggling and firmly benched Jacoby Ellsbury.

Both bullpens have been used extensively in the last few days, but who cares? It's game 7! Jonathon Papelbon will be out there in the 4th inning if Francona thinks it will save the season. There were some whisperings that Joe Maddon managed last night with Game 7 in mind by not using Dan Wheeler. Might we get a David Price sighting? He's not on the roster just to soak up the atmosphere is he?

Each weekend during the playoffs, I'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked or ever would ask. This could be fun yet uninformative or this could be painful and still information-free. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

Before the questions I'd like to give extra special Cokes and cookies to Tuffy for donning the restrictive padding of a glogblazer when he thought he had an easy night of chilling on the right field line ahead. He was a regular Matt Stairs facing the Borxton-esque heat of TBS's incompetence.

For a game with numerous wacky incidents, not that much happened. TBS 'sploded and an umpire became a creampuff, all the while Josh Beckett just kept his game together. Eerie. Your questions, gentlefolk.

• Do we dare to call shenanigans on the umpire change? No. That would be hysterical and pointless. We'll let Simmons steal from us, we won't borrow a page out of his dog-eared playbook. Though I did agree with Ron Darling's suggestion to let crew chief Tim McClelland work the plate for game 7. I'm sure they'll figure something out.
  
  
• Can I have some of whatever Bossman Junior ordered? Make it a double. Dude is ON FIRE in the playoffs, nearly equaling his disappointing season total. As Beckett's control improved he had Upton swinging at bad pitches, but B.J. sends any mistakes towards the rafters.
  
  
• Would you pay one red cent for those ubercrappy nosebleeds? No way. The TBS team went to great lengths to showcase how terrible the recently untarped seats are without actually going up there. Those steps are STEEP. No union rep would allow a production team up that high.
  
  
• Is Jon Lester v. Matt Garza match up a glimpse at the future of the American League? Who cares? Game 7 is tonight, not in the future! The improbable Red Sox could make their swollen fan base even more insufferable, simultaneously embittering the burgeoning Rays diehards! It's the perfect storm of doucheosity! But mostly it's a game 7! AHHHH!!!!

Well tonight certainly won't be dull. Not with [checks notes, shuffles paper] a WoWie here to glog it to death for us. I'll be back this afternoon to help you waste your Sunday away. GAME 7 hooray!

Well, hell, kids. We really wanted Sooze to entertain us tonight, but she had to smear camoflague paint on her face, don her best bandana, and go behind enemy lines to fix the "technical difficulties" faced by TBS which has left us with Steve Harvey's mugging face. Follow us after the jump for our best attempt to discern game action through smoke signals from the Citgo sign.

Joe Maddon can no longer be accused of overmanaging. He has elected to start Gabe Gross in right field tonight. The Gabe Gross with one hit in 15 playoff at bats and one hit in 13 career at bats against Josh Beckett. Small sample sized be damned, this man isn't getting it done. By "it" I of course mean "anything."

That's it. Make way for Sooze! Let the glogging commence.

Not actual pornography of course, the WORD pornography. The word "porno" in fact. The word porno is not fit for FOX's baseball broadcast. Such offensive and confrontational language, forced upon an unsuspecting public during a commercial for Kevin Smith's latest film Zack & Miri Make a Porno, will no longer poison the sanctity of a broadcast that alternates between ads for boner drugs and promos for a show with murderous robots of the apocalypse.

One complaint came from a man watching a game in September with his young son, who did not understand a suicide-squeeze bunt the Dodgers tried, team spokesman Josh Rawitch said.

"He was explaining to his son what a squeeze bunt was. Commercial break, the ad comes on, and the kid asks, `Dad, what does porno mean?'" Rawitch said. "Dodgers baseball has always been about family, and we've always been sensitive to the type of advertising that runs on our games."

That's a relief. Thank heavens the young man asked what a squeeze was, ignoring the suicide component. The Angels would be banned from FOX forever. Thank heavens for the family atmosphere at Dodgers stadium; where angry fans families can dump beer on police and burn the American flag while gorging themselves in baseball's first all-you-can-eat section. We're all better for it.

These are heady times in Raysland. Interest in the plucky bunch of kids is so high the Rays have opted to uncover nearly 6000 extra tickets for games 6 & 7. While the new seats don't provide "the optimal fan experience" the team realized that people wanting to sit in their stadium and watch baseball is a good thing.

The Rays set up a lottery to decide who receive access to the next block of tickets. Or you could get your playoff tickets the old-fashioned way: buying 2009 season tickets:

• Place a $750 deposit per seat toward a 2009 full season plan and receive the opportunity to purchase a postseason ticket package in the Upper Deck for $400.
  
  
• Place a $1,000 deposit per seat toward 2009 full season tickets in any location other than the Upper Deck and receive the opportunity to purchase a postseason ticket package in the Outfield for $600.
  
  
• Place a $2,000 deposit per seat toward 2009 full season tickets in a Lower Box, Lower Infield Box, Fieldside Box, Whitney Bank Club, or Home Plate Club location and receive the opportunity to purchase a postseason ticket package in the Lower Box for $900.

Wow, a $2000 deposit on a $15000 investment guarantees me another $900 expenditure. I feel so honoured. Like I've been invited to the prom by a loan shark.

Striking when the iron is red-hot just makes business sense but nobody likes to be raked over the coals. Teams like Arizona and Colorado show that recent success will help carve out a reasonably-sized, loyal fanbase that shows up year after year. One incredibly successful season could be enough to build a fanbase out of essentially nothing, but demanding your new-found fans pay for the privilege is asking a lot.

The drunken 3am meat-market that is the baseball offseason hasn't officially begun, but that won't keep GMs everywhere from shooting covetous glances at Jake Peavy. The rumours are already flying, linking Peavy with a number of potential teams. Every team in the baseball would improve by adding Peavy, but only half have a shot. Gaslamp Ball reports that the rumours have upset Peavy, but Jake knows he holds all the cards. His biggest stipulation? He won't go to the American League.

Why wouldn't Peavy want to switch leagues? CC Sabathia, Rich Harden, Johan Santana, even Joe freaking Blanton successfully switched this year, didn't they? Ah yes, all that water flowed downhill...

Miguel Batista. Brett Tomko. Matt Clement. Crazy stuffed but stuffed full of crazy AJ Burnett. These are National League pitchers that signed as free agents with AL teams in recent years. They're all terrible.

Other than run-supported Andy Pettitte and HoF locks like Clemens and early Pedro, very few pitchers successfully transition from the National League. Peavy could be a trendsetter, leaving the fertile fields of satin jacketed baserunners to face the fat, slow guys that do nothing but hit dingers and watch tape.

Peavy's reasonable contract and excellent numbers will bring the rebuilding Padres quite a haul, despite his trepidation. Maybe he likes to hit? Maybe he appreciates all the free outs given out via sacrifice bunts? I guess I can't blame him. People that live in San Diego don't generally book New England vacations in February.

Each weekend during the playoffs, I'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked or ever would ask. This could be fun and uninformative or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

Soooo, nobody played last night. That sucks. Someone should ALWAYS play. There should always be baseball. Hopefully some game 6 drama will more than make up for it. Let us make with the rhetoric.

• Is Terry Francona undermanaging? Probably not, as he basically has no alternative. While there is no tomorrow, there is no correct time to send your shaky ace to the mound when you need a win. Josh Beckett hasn't looked for good for a long while, but pulling the plug on him tonight "sends the wrong message." Also the wrong message to send: Hey Evan, hit this one off a cowbell!
  
  
• Are Rays fans too dumb to be scared? Not necessarily dumb, but surely naive. This series could go the way of your high school girlfriend that got away. The girl that you loved from the first day of ninth grade, finally got to be with for a few glorious months before she told you she "needed to experiment" while you picked the pieces of your young life off her parent's kitchen floor. The girlfriend that you creepily stalked before turning into an unrepentant misogynist and womanizer before realizing your high school self was a wuss and she was a controlling bitch the whole time so what were you so hung up on anyway. Wait, what were we talking about?
  
  
• Is it safe to blame Gabe Gross for not being Rocco Baldelli? Of course! Gross has started three games, finishing two. The Rays lost both games he played entirely and only won the third only after he was long showered. It's easy to blame Gross for playing too shallow on Drew's liner, but we should also remember that Gross has ONE hit in these playoffs, none in the ALCS. Maddon has many alternatives to choose from in right, but only one is DIVINE!

Excitement on the horizon! Where are you watching the game tonight? I know for damn sure you're going to be here with Sooze as she glogs it up for us. I've got a few more things for today, so keep your eyes on the WOW and we'll have us a good time.

Hey kids, try a frozen peach.

• IS Tampa's will broken after last night? I tend to believe athletes when they say they take things one game at a time, so I'm not putting too much stock into a game 6 hangover.


• WILL either Josh Beckett or James Shields propel their team into the playoffs with a marquee start?


• IF that game is as exciting as last night, will I have any clean undershorts to wear to Sunday School?


• WHERE did JD Drew go to college? I can't remember.


• DO you hate it when I'm a homer? I don't give a hoot. Go Sox.

Enjoy your weekend. Enjoy Game 6. I refuse to project out further than that. Lloyd has you all day Saturday and Sunday, resting only so the whip smart Sooze can glog you through tomorrow night's festivities. Are you gonna love it? Yes you are.

No baseball tonight. Go see W. I probably won't get a chance till Sunday so don't tell me how it is. Thanks for a great week. See ya!

Pure gold for today's Classic TV Friday. Porky Pig calls game 7 of the World Series. You can see some parallels and some stuff that was reused six years later in the more famous Baseball Bugs, but this one is very funny in its own right.

Set aside 7 minutes. You're gonna want to watch the whole thing.

It's time to get the scalpel and surgical mask out of your sex toy basket and head with me to the OR. Baseball players are getting carved up left and right. DIBS ON THE DRUMSTICK.

• Mike Lowell, Red Sox: Hip surgery coming Monday.


• Ken Griffey Jr., White Sox: Ken is getting his knee scoped by Dr. Tim Kremchek. KREMCHEK! GET IN HERE! Send cards to his mom.


• Travis Hafner, Indians: This knuckle dragging jamook had arthroscopic shoulder surgery. Must be from all the knuckle dragging, lol+1.


• Albert Pujols, Cardinals: You ever notice how in "Every Breath You Take" it sounds like Sting says "Albert Pujols aaaches with every step yoooou take." I noticed it his rookie year. It was actually the first thing I thought of when I heard his name. Really. Anyway, he had elbow surgery this week. So now he really does ache.

Five years after it was published and turned the world of baseball analysis on its ear, Michael Lewis' book "Moneyball" is being made into a film, perhaps starring Brad Pitt as Oakland A's general manager Billy Beane. George Clooney was available but wasn't cast because his charm and wholesome good looks didn't exploit inefficiencies in the leading actor market.

If you read the book, you're probably wondering how it could be made into an interesting movie. How can Hollywood possibly make a picture about the benefits of signing young players who tend to walk a lot? Easy: they're just going to Disney-fy the story.

Producer Michael De Luca previously explained what their take is: a "dramatic depiction of that 2002 season" that is "condensed to really the beginning and end of that season that contained the 22 game winning streak." De Luca adds: "I think there should be a mix of a sports movie but also an anti-establishment triumph of the individual in terms of the way Billy Beane went up against conventional wisdom and the bureaucracy."

Blech, Sounds like a real tearjerker. Steve Zaillian is set to adapt the book for the screen. He notably wrote such illustrious movies as Schindler's List, Mission: Impossible, and American Gangster. Schindler's List, eh? Wait until you see the treatment "Moneyball" subject Kevin Youkilis gets in this picture.

Ever since Brad Lidge and the Phillies sent the Brew Crew packing for the sunny golf courses and beach resorts of Northwestern Wisconsin, beat writer extraordinaire Tom Haudricourt has been on top of the search for a new manager in Milwaukee. It's just like last year's search for a new Yankees manager, but without the glitz and glamour and with far many more goyim.

Sure, interim manager Dale Sveum hasn't been shitcanned quite yet, but he's about as lame as a lame duck can get. With the big names being bandied about by Haudricourt, Sveum sticks out like a 8-year-old girl at the high roller blackjack table in the Palms.

Here's a list of the folks that Tommy Boy mentions in his blog:

• Willie Randolph
• Davey Johnson
• Bobby Valentine

What do all these folks have in common? Yes, all three men have never been in my kitchen, but they also at one point managed the New York Mets. Throw Art Howe and Yogi Berra in there and we've got ourselves a fine fivesome of former Flushing foremen. Were I in charge of a Major League team, I'd tend to avoid former Mets managers. They all have Shea cooties.

Other folks mentioned are Bob Brenly, Mike Hargrove, and ESPN analyst Buck Showalter. Take those six names together and they have another thing in common: they're all big time names in the managerial game. They've all had varying levels of success on multiple teams and are constantly on the minds of newspaper folk when teams seek out new managers. Is Brewers GM Doug Melvin even considering looking to promote within the organization at all? Is he thinking of new candidates from other teams who might be bright young stars? Or is he content with recycling another manager from the scrap heap?

My prediction: UECKER.

Simple and elegant. (Babes Love Baseball)

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• What the heck happened there? I don't know. Nobody knows. Nobody can explain how the team with the best bullpen in the American League all of a sudden let their slumping opponent suddenly wake up and decide to start pouring on eight runs in three innings. Unless of course, you want to peg it as pure unmitigated luck. Yes, the Red Sox have some good hitters. Yes, even the Rays bullpen messes up once in a while. But if you don't believe that last night's events had less than a one-in-a-trillion chance of happening, then you're out of touch. That wasn't supposed to happen like that but it was absolutely amazing. And now we have more LCS action!
  
  
• So who was right in this argument? Still too soon to tell, but with Scott Kazmir pitching one of the best games in his career in the single biggest moment of his life, I'm giving the advantage to Rob. Joe Maddon made the right call by starting Kazmir in that game, and despite the enormous bullpen failure, I'm calling that point/counterpoint in favor of the Clooneyest one among us. We'll know for sure when James Shields throws a 27 strikeout perfect game on Saturday night.
  
  
• How awesome is the Fangraph for this game? Take a look at the Red Sox' odds of winning during the seventh innings stretch. They had a zero percent chance of coming back. Zero. That means they defied the biggest odds mathematically possible in their comeback. Take a look at play log, sorted by win probability added. J.D. Drew had two of the three biggest plays in the game by a country mile. We can almost ignore every single home run the Rays hit in their three games at Fenway because Drew has singlehandedly thrown himself to the top of the list of MVP candidates with his performance.
  
  
• What are the Red Sox chances to win the whole bag of potatoes now? The team is still on life support. They're most likely sending the crippled body of Josh Beckett out on the mound Saturday night in their own personal hell, the Tropicana Dome, where they've won just one game out of their last 283 contests. Outside of three fantastic innings, their offense has been about as efficient as a sportsblogger at his day job. Worst of all, people actually think they can win this thing now. If I were Tito Francona, I would overmanage this ALCS a bit and throw Jon Lester to the mound in Game Six. It's a must win game, and he'd feel pretty dumb leaving the third-best pitcher in the American League on the bench while Beckett gets pounded like a veal cutlet out there.
  
  
• What are you doing Saturday night? WRONG! You're coming online for the Game Six liveglog starring Sooze of Babes Love Baseball.

Dear Joe,

Thank you for walking Jason Bay to pitch to JD Drew. See you Saturday.

Kris

On March 5, 1770, five Americans fell to the heavy musket balls of the British outside the current location of the Old State House in Boston after a crowd of 300-400 angry Bostonians surrounded five British soldiers and taunted them with sticks, stones, and terribly harsh words.

On October 14, 2008, the Boston Red Sox fell to the moon shots of the Tampa Bay Rays 13-4 inside the current location of Old Fenway Park in Boston after a crowd of 38,133 angry Bostonians surrounded 25 Rays players and taunted them with... well, terribly harsh words, at least.

We see absolutely no reason to bring up both events. We apologize for any confusion caused by such scattershot correlations.

Liveglog Nation, don't tread on us after the jump; your Game Five Rays-Red Sox liveglog will follow shortly.

Hey kids, I'm a bean.

• WILL Joe Maddon's "look at me" rotation shake up work or backfire? You know what I hope will happen. I'm supposed to be impartial, but know that I'll be rooting harder during this game than any other since we created this site.


• WHAT will the guttural grunt of despair emanating from my soul sound like if the Rays hit another first inning Funny Bone?


• HOW many baserunners will Dice-K let on?


• DOESN'T something eventually have to give with all those walks? This would be a bad night for the floodgates to finally burst.


• WHICH one of you comedy geniuses wrote "Keep burning till we find Furcal's house" on the Dabbleboard? That made me guffaw.


• ARE you as excited as we are about Tuffy stopping by to do the Glog tonight? Dude is one of the funniest and most original writers in our business. If you're at home tonight, do not miss this one.

There you go folks. Come back 8-ish for Tuffy. Thanks for playing today.
Go Sox.

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• NJIT professor Bruce Bukiet used a computer model to figure out who should win the MVP and Cy Young awards. There was a bug in the system because Corey Patterson won Executive of the Year for the Pacific Coast League. BBTF Newsblog.
  
  
• Tom Tango challenges all the baseball nerds out there (including Nate Silver) to put their forecasting systems up to a challenge. CTC and I are going to enter with our purely mathematical system of choosing players based on musical preference. The Book Blog.
  
  
• Phillies beat writers have been eating their pre-game meals in abject filth and disgusting conditions at Citizens Bank Park. Philadelphia Will Do.
  
  
• Kulp wants Phillies fans to hire Yankees fans so they can learn how to celebrate like real assholes. Hey Kulp, I'll cram some fireworks down your throat and stick an M-80 up your ass. How's that for a celebration? The 700 Level.
  
  
• Jonah Keri writes an elegy to Jason Varitek's bat. Cheer up, Red Sox fans, that unlucky Expos fan Keri just reversed the jinx; Tek's totally hitting a tater tonight. ESPN Page 2.
  
  
• Grant gets to the bottom of those Delmon Young-to-the-Giants rumors. McCovey Chronicles.
  
  
• Hey Red Sox players, come packed tonight. Big League Stew.
  
  
• Join the Angels Strike Force! Folks with an aversion to monkeys or dago managers need not apply. Teamwork Online.
  
  
• Rinku and Dinesh are totally watching the playoffs with us. Check out that hot flat screen. The Million Dollar Arm Blog.

From time to time, Camp Tiger Claw and I discuss baseball like calm, thoughtful intellectuals. This is not one of those times. This is one of those chats where we just throw feces at each other like monkeys.

This little tete-a-tete stems from Rays manager Joe Maddon's decision to switch up his pitching rotation so that his James Shields can avoid Fenway Park, where he has been absolutely shelled in his career (0-3 in three starts with a 10.13 ERA). Please to enjoy:

CTC: mark my words
Joe Maddon is overmanaging with this Kazmir thing
Rob: not that big of a deal
the Red Sox are winning this game no matter what
Dice-K is going to blow everyone's assholes out of the water
Maddon knows Kazmir is a dead duck tonight or saturday night
so he's going with his strongest hand in game the sixth
now you say something interesting and we can publish this chat
CTC: That's dumb.
Rob: well put.
CTC: Why wouldn't you want to use your best pitcher in a clinching game?
Maddon is overmanaging, you're over thinking and you're both useless stathead hipsters.
Rob: In normal circumstances, you would want to use your best pitcher, but Fenway Park is the place pitchers go to die.
Joe Maddon didn't make it this far going by the conventional wisdom.
His shitty fauxhawk told him to switch up his rotation.
CTC: Tampa has won 6 of their last 8 at Fenway. If it's not broke don't put Elvis Costello glasses on it, funboy.
Overmanaging.
Rob: The Red Sox are just a dying breed. How many of those games did Shields win? Zero. How many did Dice-K lose? Zero.
(i'm just guessing with those figures)
CTC: I could look it up but I'm enjoying my Jasmine Green Tea too much.
Very floral bouquet.
Joe Maddon is a dickhead.
Rob: Now who's the fruity hipster?
CTC: Me, you and Overmanagin' Joe Maddon.

I'm a politically active citizen. Well at least my mouth is. I don't volunteer for campaigns anymore and I certainly don't donate any money. The days of me putting sweat and tears into major party politics are long over (ask me for my resume sometime if you wanna know exactly what that used to entail) and with each passing year I become a little more jaded. I am however, willing to argue with you on nearly any point because you're probably wrong. It doesn't really matter which party you align yourself with, you're wrong. Absolutely wrong if you're a Republican, mostly wrong if you're a Democrat.

Last night was a perfect example of my declining engagement with the American political machine. I totally ignored the third presidential debate in favor of the NLCS. I watched all of the first debate and most of the second. I realized that I was going to hear nothing new in this third engagement, I know who I'm going to vote for, and I wanted desperately to see Manny hit some dingers. We laughed, we glogged, I listened to a little NPR about the debate this morning. I had successfully separated my sports and my politics in an election year! No easy feat.* Until I just read this in the Times. Now I feel dizzy.

Memo to Barack Obama: It could be dangerous to mess with the national pasttime.

Yet that is what Mr. Obama has done in trying to buy a 30-minute block of time on Oct. 29 on three networks -- including Fox News, which just happens to be running the World Series.

Because of the request, Major League Baseball has agreed to push back the first pitch that night.

Memo to The New York Times: NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT FOX NEWS. Are you even familiar with the American sports landscape? Why on earth would they be showing the World Series. I understand that throwing that dash in there means you're looking for a "dun dun DUN" moment in your piece, but it aint there. The game isn't on Fox News you dummies.

As we covered above, until election day, I am more interested in baseball right now. That's what I wanna watch. At the same time, if Obama wants to use his campaign money to speak to the country in prime time, that's his prerogative. I can use the extra time before first pitch to broil some more bacon wrapped scallops. But of course, to add one more sack mark to America's collective forehead, the Republican Party is taking this 20 minute delay as an affront to Joe Plumber Sixpack Truckdriver, or whatever the hell they're calling him today. Of course they are.

"It's unfortunate that the World Series' first pitch is being delayed for Obama's political pitch," Alex Conant, a spokesman for the R.N.C., said in a statement. He added later, via instant message, of Mr. Obama: "He puts himself first - literally."

Oh ZING! Z-SNAP-ING! Did you see how he used "literally" there? You can't teach that kind of comic timing. Alex Conant: Standup WASP Comedian, this week at the Ha Ha Hole! Spokesmen are idiots.

I care about this country, I really do. I understand the importance of policy at this critical juncture. But I don't give a damn about your campaigns when baseball is on. If I have to ignore you 20 minutes later than scheduled, fine. But don't argue about it, you're bugging me.

*In the Fall of 2004 every football game at FSU was littered with Bush/Cheney signs. This did not add to my enjoyment of the festivities.

Better late than never.

Like most of you, I'm sure you've had a difficult time keeping up with the playoffs while you're waiting for movement in the Mariners' GM search. Thankfully, things appear to be progressing and it won't be long until I can stop habitually refreshing the Seattle Times and can go back to addressing my job and personal hygiene regimen. According to our friend Geoff Baker, they've narrowed it down to three candidates and interviews start today! Whee! Not surprisingly, you're not on the list.

Some excerpts from Baker's blog:

Mariners GM interviews will begin on Thursday and that Jerry DiPoto, Tony LaCava and Kim Ng are the three to make the final cut from the original list of published names of first-round candidates.

That means Peter Woodfork did not make the cut. Neither did Tony Bernazard, Bob Engle or Lee Pelekoudas. It's possible that one more name -- someone who wasn't initially reported amongst the first list of candidates -- could be interviewed.

From what I'm hearing, I'd say that, of the three we're discussing, it will come down to either DiPoto or LaCava.

Ng will have her hands full competing against both. Her hands-on experience might not be quite as high when it comes to player development and evaluation. But we hear she is very good at statistical evaluation. It will all depend on what the club needs.

We've already given you our take on Ng. Perhaps the stuff Baker is hearing is actually grounded in baseball thinking and not bias, but if the two frontrunners are this clear, then Ng's interview will be nothing more than a token show of diversity. In some ways that's worse than not interviewing her at all. By giving off the impression that she actually has a shot at the job, baseball doesn't have to address issues of front office diversity. "We're fine! Look, Seattle gave that Asian broad an interview."

Earlier this week, Baker discussed the fact that many candidates were declining interviews with the team. That's a little troubling. But, in no way is this a franchise that could use a little bold thinking to shake things up. Everything is going to be just fine.

Our pal D-mac brings us video evidence that people in Philadelphia are just looking for a reason to celebrate without resorting to violence and/or arson.

Says D-mac: "Philly doesn't win enough for people to fight after wins". Makes sense.

Despite the strain on the national economy and the massive job losses across the board, there's one profession that's always in demand: recycled Major League manager! (also, plumbers named Joe) Baseball teams are falling all over themselves trying to hire the latest and greatest big name on the free agent market: former Mets manager Willie Randolph. Both the illustrious New York Yankees and lowly Washington Nationals have expressed interest in hiring Randolph, with just one minor detail: they don't want him to actually manage the team:

The Nationals are seriously interested in hiring Willie Randolph as a bench coach, according to baseball sources. The news about Washington's interest in Randolph was first reported by Newsday in New York. It's not known if Randolph will take the job.

And...

The Yankees need a third-base coach, and Willie Randolph needs a job. So there is a chance the former Mets manager might return to The Bronx. In a move that shows the honeymoon between Joe Girardi and the Yankees is officially over, Bobby Meacham, a close friend of Girardi's, is out as third-base coach, a move that was announced yesterday.

We've had fun defending Willie Randolph in the past. He just seems like a good guy and was pretty much ran out of Queens as the scapegoat for an underachieving Mets team. Still, it seems that teams just want to have him around as a lucky charm on the bench or the baselines and not actually in charge of stuff.

So where will he end up? Bench coach of the Nats? Third base guy for the Yanks? Intern for Walkoff Walk? Wait and see, but we have an excellent 401(k) plan here.

(Also, the Brewers are inna-rested)

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• So, was that a strike to Jeff Kent or not? I don't know. With two on and two out in the seventh, Kent came up to face Cole Hamels, who had just reached 99 pitches. Credit to the FOX network for capturing a hot tete-a-tete between Charlie Manuel and pitching coach Rich Dubee in the dugout about whether Hamels should stay or he should go. We all thought it was curtains for the young lefty when Uncle Cholly emerged from his subterranean perch; but alas! There was a brief meeting on the mound and Hamels stayed in to strike out Kent on a very questionable low strike three that sailed just away from Kent at his knees.
  
  
• Where is Rafael Furcal going to end up next year? Because I doubt he'll want to show his mug in Dodger Stadium ever again after last night's debacle. Kid made three (3!) errors in the fifth inning, setting an NLCS record for oopsies and helping the Phils score two unearned runs. He's a free agent now and teams tend not to keep middle infielders who make glaring errors. I see Furcal playing in Chicago next season, just because.
  
  
• If the Phils win the World Series, will Ed Wade get a ring? Pat Gillick must have brass balls and a solid gold asshole because he had the gall to credit Philadelphia's hated Ed Wade for the Phillies' National League title. Sure, Wade brought Chase Utley, Cole Hamels, Ryan Howard, Jimmy Rollins, Pat Burrell, Brett Myers, Ryan Madson, Carlos Ruiz and Shane Victorino into the organization during his tenure, but the team consistently came up short year after year. It took shining white knight Pat Gillick to bring in such elite names like...uh...well...Joe Blanton? So Taguchi?... before they could get to the big dance.
  
  
• Will Manny Ramirez stay in Los Angeles? The Dodgers would be crazy to let him walk. Forget the money, forget the length of contract, forget the strange behavior, forget the dickhead agent, and forget the occasional simple assault, Manny Ramirez is a cash cow for the franchise. He puts asses in seats and in the past few months he created an actual exciting atmosphere in Dodger Stadium. Who cares if the team goes 81-81 next year? Manny Mania will put cash in Frank McCourt's pockets.
  
  
• What about the American League, Rob? We'll cover that later tonight, with another special guestglogger. Join us at 8PM for ALCS Game Five, y'all.

And a hearty congrats to Philly fans as well.

Children gather round. Tonight could be manna from Heaven for the miserable Philly fan in your life. A win over the Dodgers will send them to their first WS since 1993. It's me, you and a pint of Jack Daniel's famous Tennessee life elixir. I'm supposed to go on the radio in an hour, but who knows what will happen. So have your copy of "Whatever It Takes, Dude" at the ready. It's baseball time.

Here are your lineups. I wanna rock with you, after the jump.

Hey kids, I have chest pains.

• HOW would you feel if a pivotal moment in your life rested on the shoulders of someone named Chad? That's what the Dodgers are facing.


• WILL we see more home run heroics tonight? This is the most tater totted postseason in recent memory. Someone check the pee.


• WILL you join me for the glog of it all? At 9:30 I have that radio thing which I may also glog. It's gonna be wild, man. It's Liakosbaseballapalooza. Stop by at 8:20 for all the excitement.

See you folks a little later. You too, Penguin Baby.

Back in July, I told you about Bob Costas' interview with legends Willie Mays and Hank Aaron. Thanks to Derrick Goold for letting us know that AOL Video has graciously posted video of the HBO show an extremely short highlight reel that I've put after the jump because it autoplays:

Do any of our readers have Sirius radio? Do we have any readers? If you answered yes to either of those questions tune in tonight at 9 to Hardcore Sports Radio, Sirius 98. I really hope Hardcore means music and not, well, you know. At the very least, maybe I'll just have to say "extreme" a lot.

Anyway, I'll be on something called Relentless Radio, so tune in to hear my duclet tones if you got the means.

I realized it last night. It's uncanny.

Get ready to feel old, those of you over the age of twenty-five (which, I think, is 99% of our readers): Kirk Gibson's dramatic walkoff ding-dong in Game One of the World Series happened twenty years ago today. That makes today an anniversary of sorts and Dodgers fans can celebrate it tonight at home in Chavez Ravine...maybe. They have to avoid losing to Phillies ace lefty Cole Hamels and they have to avoid continuously acting like assholes:

(T)he Dodgers faithful remain blue over a perceived rise in booze-fueled hooliganism, a problem that team spokesman Charles Steinberg conceded "is not solved."

"It is a high priority," Steinberg said Tuesday. "It breaks your heart when the smallest of numbers seem to ruin it for some people."

Phillies fans (yes, timid innocent Phillies fans!) have been harassed with verbal slings and arrows, along with the occasional tossed brewski. There have been multiple fights in the stands on both nights at Dodger Stadium, and this is actually an improvement:

During the 2005 baseball season, the LAPD reporting district that consists mostly of the stadium logged 104 serious crimes, such as assaults, robberies, vandalism and car thefts. That number dropped to fewer than 70 in 2006 and 2007, and was 21 at the start of the Dodgers-Phillies series.

Hey Los Angelenos: you have a reputation of being insouciant and tepid, showing up late and leaving early. Is the existence of In-N-Out Burger joints in your immediate area not enough to satisfy your urges? Does the Viper Club not allow you to let go of all your rock 'n' roll energy? Do you need to expel it all at the ballpark all of a sudden?

The Dodgers have a fan hotline (323-224-2611) this season that folks can call to anonymously report offenders in the stands. I'm going to call it tonight and report Dodgers season ticket holder Robert Wuhl for harassing us with all those awful years of "Arliss".

Everyone's favorite baseball institution that also looks like he's made of sugar cookie is back in the high life again. Yes, Don Zimmer is a "special advisor" to the Rays, and he's looking back at all his success like the delusional WWI vet that he is! Let's join Don on his doddering trot down Memory Lane.

Last week Don Zimmer and his wife dusted off the scrapbook and took out the Baseball Encyclopedia and started counting. The day before, after the Rays had won the Division Series over the White Sox, someone had asked the venerable baseball man how many celebrations he had taken part in, and Zim didn't know off hand.

So he and his wife Jean, known as Soot, did the research and determined that, going into this season, Zimmer had been involved in 30 baseball celebrations in 60 years in the game, an average of one every two years.

The first six pages of that scrapbook detail "The Best Pastrami Sandwiches I've Ever Aten."

If you told Soot that there is some controversy surrounding teams celebrating so often these days she may turn ashen. Zimmer's celebration pedigree goes back to 1955, but he admits that a good chunk of his parties came with the Yankees. After all, "We won the World Series four times, that's 16 celebrations right there." So besides math, what else is Don actually doing with the Rays these days?

Now 77, Zimmer doesn't travel on every trip with the Rays, and doesn't hit fungoes -- always one of his specialties -- any more. Dave Martinez is the bench coach, but Zimmer is a great guy to just have around. He's still there to talk to the players and help them develop both on and of the field.

"I love talking to the younger guys, showing them the way to do things," he said. "I'll call them aside and pass on some of the information that I've learned in 60 years in the game.

Here is some of the wisdom he's passed on to the kids this year:

• "Never share a sleeping car with Christy Matthewson. He'll snore from Poughkeepsie to Akron."
• "It's easy to lose focus now that women are allowed in the stadium. Concentrate."
• "If Tom Brokaw wants to tell you how awesome you are for living through the Depression, let him!"

Another fun fact: I saw on Entertainment Tonight that Don shares a birthday with the Grand Canyon. HE'S OLD!

The Red Sox have officially hit the panic button. Having lost two humiliatingly bad games on their home turf and with just one game remaining at Fenway Park in the ALCS, I don't blame them one bit. It's time for Red Sox Nation to activate, and captain Jason Varitek and his .220 batting average has a plan!

Captain Jason Varitek suggested there would be a speech on Thursday before Game 5 and that he would make it. It was odd, however, for Varitek to suggest this version of the Red Sox needed more crowd support to pull off another comeback. Fenway Park has been gut-punched with early Rays rallies in Games 3 and 4.

"It doesn't hurt our team to have some faith," he said. "We need to find a way to get our crowd involved, get our fans involved and come out there and be ready to play."

You heard him, Sox fans. Your job is to show up two hours before first pitch tomorrow night for cheer practice led by Cap'n 'Tek. He'll teach you some ol' fashioned "rah rah sis boom bah" that's been lacking of late in Fenway.

Seriously, though, it is strange to know that the Fenway folks have been so non-supportive of their team over the past two routs. The television viewers have been treated to actual boos mixed in with the occasional "Yoouuuk". C'mon, Bostonites! That's the stuff I've heard at Yankee Stadium their last three playoff appearances. That's the stuff we've heard at Shea Stadium for the last twenty years. That's the stuff Cubs fans do, fer chrissakes! You're supposed to be all knowledgeable about baseball in Boston, and you're supposed to be satisfied with two World Series championships in the past five years.

So if you've got tickets for Game Five tomorrow night, clap your hands real hard, Sox fans, or you might not see your team again until April. Because I'm going to kidnap them and keep them in my basement.

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• Are the Red Sox done? Finished? Kaput? In a word, yes. This isn't 2004, this isn't 2007. They were completely outmatched in every aspect of the game last night. They were out-hit, out-pitched, out-fielded and out-intangibled on two straight days in their own ballpark. The team's health is in shambles, with Mike Lowell headed to hip surgery, David Ortiz treating his wrist like fine china, and the pitching staff absolutely emotionally decimated by Tampa tater tots.
  
  
• What's gotten into Willy Aybar? Kid got hot at the right time, going 6-for-9 in the last two Rays routs with five RBI last night and a tater tot. This is a guy who part-timed at third base, first base, DH, and outfield during the regular season, collecting a paltry 33 RBI in 95 games. Joe Maddon made the right call, playing the switch-hitting Aybar at DH instead of Cliff Floyd, who struggled against Wakefield in his career.
  
  
• Is Cole Hamels going to win the NLCS MVP tonight? If he gets the win, yes. Doesn't matter how well he pitches, as long as (a) he gets the win and (b) Matt Stairs doesn't hit a walkoff ding-dong, Hamels is the Phillies most valuable fella. Chad Billingsley and his 27.00 NLCS ERA is going to do his darndest to prevent that from happening, but this is the biggest start of Hamels' career and he's got the upper hand.
  
  
• How bad will the ratings be for a possible Phillies-Rays World Series? Who the fuck cares? What monetary stake do I have in the ratings? I could care less what the ratings get or how much money the FOX network stands to make or lose because the teams they wanted didn't make the big dance. For a baseball fan, a Phillies-Rays series is awesome because both teams are good at playing baseball. Screw the ratings; every non-baseball fan can go watch crappy shows like How I Met Your Mother or Chuck and go shit in their hats. I don't care if it's the Saskatchewan Mooseriders and the Peoria Yogurteaters playing in the World Series: if the baseball is good, I'm there.
  
  
• Who's getting Jake Peavy? I don't have time for trade rumors among non-contenders. Unless the Yankees are interested. In that case, I'll flush the playoffs down the toilet. We're getting Peavy!

Game 5 of the NLCS is tonight. Be here for the glog, y'all.

Okay, gloggers. Every day of the playoffs brings new memories and more important games. You've got your Red Sox coming off a bad game that pushed them down 2-1 in their own joint and you've got your Rays riding high after winning back home-field advantage. You've got solid but unimpressive postseason vet Tim Wakefield going up against young bright-eyed Andy Sonnanstine. You've got an evening date with Rob Iracane on the Internet, and I've got a six pack of BLts waiting to help me render my opinions and reactions completely illegible.

Here are your lineups for the game:

Red Sox	Rays
Drew, RF Pedroia, 2B Ortiz, DH Youkilis, 3B Bay, LF Kotsay, 1B Crisp, CF Cash, C Lowrie, SS	Iwamura, 2B Upton, CF Pena, 1B Longoria, 3B Crisp, LF Aybar, DH Navarro, C Perez, RF Bartlett, SS

Some notable moves tonight: Jacoby Ellsbury (0-for-20 streak) is out and J.D. Drew is in as the leadoff hitter. Coco Crisp will play centerfield tonight for the Red Sox. For the Rays, welcome rookie switch-hitter and New Jerseyite Fernando Perez to the starting lineup, making his first start since October 3rd against the ChiSox.

Enough prattle! Follow along with me after the jump:

Hey kids, here must all distrust be left behind; all cowardice must be ended.

• WILL Wally resurrect himself from the depths of the Inferno in time to help the Sox tie up the ALCS at two? Thanks to Dmac for photoshopping that gem.
  
  
• CAN Tim Wakefield notch his 20th postseason victory against a team that ran him ragged during the regular season? It's his first start in the 2008 playoffs; let's see how well his knuckleball knuckles.
  
  
• COULD Andy Sonnanstine's thirteen inning streak without giving up an earned run against the Red Sox continue? He's not really made of magic though: he gave up 20 runs against Boston in 20 innings last year.
  
  
• DID you clear your social calendar tonight? We're liveglogging the game at 8:07PM EDT.

See ya later, pals.

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• Rinku and Dinesh are less than a month away from official tryouts. For what, I'm not sure, but I just got super excited and tense thinking that these two could make it in this foreign land! JB Sir will be so proud. The Million Dollar Arm Blog.
  
  
• Buy your Padres dirt. Only $25, and half of that goes to the Keep Brian Giles Orange Fund. Gaslamp Ball.
  
  
• The Mets are interested in Eric Gagne for their bullpen in 2009. Not to sweep up sunflower seeds in the bullpen, mind you, but to actually pitch. Mets Blog Sponsored by GEICO.
  
  
• Chris Chase gets to the bottom of all those douchebag necklaces all the douchebag baseball players have been wearing. The person responsible for bringing this trend back to the U.S. from Japan? Randy Johnson. Big League Stew.
  
  
• The Mets sold out all their luxury suites but probably because they were mistakenly at discount prices, admits Dave Howard, the Mets' executive vice president of business operations. Squawking Baseball.
  
  
• In honor of Columbus Day, Hugging Harold Reynolds lists the best dagos in baseball, past and present. It's a Wop Listicle! Hugging Harold Reynolds.
  
  
• If you haven't seen the movie trailers for Oliver Stone's W yet, go now. The movie will probably suck but these trailers should win Oscars. Apple.com.

That's Carl Crawford and Jason Varitek practicing bikram yoga during a break between innings last night. No, I'm kidding of course. They're getting ready for a taint inspection from Red Sox team physician Dr. Leo Spaceman. No, I'm just being coy with you, that's the resulting pose after Carl Crawford barreled down catcher Jason Varitek in the process of getting tagged out at home in the eighth inning of last night's 9-1 Rays win over the Sox.

Of course, Crawford's failure to score was for naught as Lloyd's favorite fella Rocco Baldelli smashed a three-run tater tot immediately following the play to put the game out of reach. But note: the Rays have now made three outs on the basepaths in three games. Crawford was picked off first base in Game Two and B.J. Upton was tagged out on a sweet play by Kevin Youkilis in which Upton rounded past second base, creating a gap wide enough to drive a Mack truck through.

The Rays do not have anything close to an insurmountable lead in this ALCS. True, the Sox will need to win at least one game at the Trop to advance, and their pitching staff is hanging by a thread, and David Ortiz is swinging the bat as if his wrist was about to explode at any minute, but this series is by no means "over". Joe Maddon ought to sit his kids down and warn them to be more cautious on the basepaths. They've stolen just two bases so far and combined with those three outs, it all makes for a poor showing overall by the Rays on the basepaths.

Of course, slow old knuckleballing fart Tim Wakefield goes tonight, and the Rays swiped six bases off him during the regular season; Crawford alone has nine stolen bases against Wake in his career.

(Photo stolen from Barry Chin and the Boston Globe)

The gregarious gentleman of the baseballblogosphere Kevin Kaduk takes a brief turn into the political sphere by posting this video of Barack Obama letting his White Sox hat fall to the side in favor of a decidedly more Eastern Seaboard-y team still alive in the playoffs:

Kudos to Barack for prefacing his new declaration for his Phillies fandom with a boo-inducing statement that yes, he is a White Sox fan. See, Rudy? That's how politicians gracefully switch allegiances: always to a team in a different league and never to your favorite team's goddamn rival. Also, next time you run for president, try to run your primary campaign in states besides Florida.

Do a Google Search for "Harry How" and you'll get a lot of Harry Potter-related nonsense. "Another example in Half-Blood Prince occurs when Ron tells Harry how Fred and George tried to make him blah blah zzzzzzzzz".

But you might also learn something about Getty Images photographer Harry How, who was responsible for that excellent dugout photo you see to the left. Chase Utley and the Phillies are exuberantly reaching to touch a piece of Matt Stairs so they can try and absorb some of his magic Canadian power for their own, and Harry How was in the right spot at the right time to nail a superb pic.

Stairs' post-game comments further illustrated how excited he and his teammates were about the tater tot:

"You want to get that one big hit where you feel like you're part of the team. Not that I don't feel like I'm part of the team, by no means, but when you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you're getting your ass hammered by guys, it's no better feeling than to have that done."

Thanks to Yahoo for paying good money to publish Getty Images on their website so a simple sports blog like ours can merely waltz in and steal them for nothing. Internet ethics! We don't haz em!

In this YouTube interview, we learn how Harry How gets his great shots as he gives advice to aspiring sports photogs:

Harry also snagged this picture which makes me very glad to be rooting against the Dodgers right now.

Major League Baseball's newest moneygrab venture in the world of mass media, their new cable channel called simply "The Baseball Network", is coming to New Jersey. Sunny downtown Secaucus will play host to the network, specifically a massive gray 142,000 square foot warehouse-like building that used to be the home of MSNBC before they departed for loftier Englewood Cliffs, NJ.

Dingy Secaucus wasn't at the top of MLB's initial list, however:

(Secaucus) was initially scheduled to be the MLB Network's temporary home while Paramus-based Vornado Realty Trust built a new, $435 million, 21-story office building at 125th Street and Park Avenue in Harlem.

Construction was supposed to begin in April, and the network was expected to take about 20 percent of the space as the anchor tenant.

But the nation's economic woes have put that project on hold, making Secaucus the network's home for "the foreseeable future," Petitti said during a tour of the facility today.

How bad must Secaucusites feel now that a major sports and entertainment corporation had to settle for their crappy burg after they couldn't build a place in Harlem? And where will MLB employee Harold Reynolds take out interns for lunch dates? The nearest Boston Market is all the way out in North Arlington!

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• Who deserves the most credit for Matt Stairs home run? Well technically, Matt Stairs should be lauded for, you know, actually swinging the bat and putting the baseball into the stands, but let's go back a bit further. Charlie Manuel was down to Stairs and catcher Chris Coste on his bench in the eighth and went with the guy who had just two playoff at-bats to face the Dodgers tough righty closer, Jonathan Broxton. But really, that was a pretty simple decision to make. Truly, we must salute general manager Pat Gillick for making that late August trade with the Blue Jays to bring the slugger Stairs to fill out a solid Philly bench. He never could have imagined this particular situation, but having three solid lefty bats on the bench finally proved to be a great idea against the Dodgers righty-stacked bullpen.
  
  
• What happened to the Jon Lester we all knew and loved? Nothing I guess, he didn't do anything differently last night. The Rays just approached his fastball with fervor for once, After getting just two runs off the lefty in twenty innings during the regular season (three Lester wins), Maddon's Rays finally jumped on his pitches, sending two of his pitches into the seats and bringing five fellas around to score. It was the first time since June that Lester had allowed two taters in a game. He also hadn't allowed any leadoff runners to reach base in his first two playoff starts but let the first man reach in the second, third, and fourth innings last night.
  
  
• How giddy is B.J. Upton right now? Kid's got five tater tots in his first 31 postseason at-bats. In comparison, and forgive me for doing this, baseball purists, but among great centerfielders of all time: Kirby Puckett's five postseason taters came in 97 at-bats, Ty Cobb had zero in 65 playoff at-bats, Joe Dimaggio needed 200 World Series at-bats to hit 8 dongs, and Willie Mays hit just one homer in 89 postseason at-bats. He may never get back to this lofty company again but to be here now, kid's gotta be just high-fiving Baby Jesus in his head right now.
  
  
• Will any non-Manny Dodger get a big hit? Manny Ramirez is OPS'ing 1.584 in 18 NLCS plate appearances. The rest of the team is hovering around the .700 mark. So far, the only Dodger to have a big hit in the series is Blake DeWitt, whose Game Three bases-clearing triple is his only hit so far in the series. The Dodgers lineup has simply been too one-dimensional in this series which is the exact opposite of what they were in September and their crushing NLDS romp over the Cubs. It's time for Ethier or Blake or Martin to get off their ass and do something if the Dodgers want to avoid being sent packing tomorrow night.
  
  
• What the hell happened to our shitty blog last night? The script that allows comments to be made shut down and the entire publishing system nearly went into the crapper and yet our guest bloggers Dmac and Sooze kept bringing the awesomeness in their glogs. Hopefully, comments are working smoothly today and hopefully, they'll continue to work tonight, when we bring you the liveglog of ALCS Game Four.

Once again, I'm super duper jazzed to be here, liveglogging Game 4 of the NLCS with you handsome commenters. In case you've been in a coma for the past couple of weeks (and if that's the case, welcome back!) the Dodgers are trying to fight their way back into contention, heading into tonight's game against the Phillies riding a 1-2 deficit like a cheap date.

Before I go making any crazy promises, like how I won't drink too many PBRs and start counting back in time after the fifth inning, I'd just like to say: Jeanie Zelasko terrifies me.

Yay baseballs!

Since baseball went to a schedule that has the Phils playing games exclusively against the Mets, Marlins, Braves and Nationals, I don't know anything about teams outside the National League East. My knowledge of the American League only slightly edges my knowledge of professional indoor soccer.

As such, the esteemed purveyors of Walkoff Walk have selected yours truly to guide you through Game 3 of the American League Championship Series, featuring the Baltimore Blast and the Harrisburg Heat. Okay, it's actually the Boston Red Sox and the Tampa Bay Rays. Liveglogging after the jump.

Hey kids, fill 'er up.

• CAN Jon Lester stay untouchable? He's even better at Fenway than on the road.


• DID Pedroia and Longoria snap out of their postseason funks for real? We'll see tonight.


• WILL fireworks erupt in the Dodgers/Phils game? Probably not, that's a code violation but there could be a brawl.


• CAN the Dodgers tie the series up? Also an important question.

Enjoy the games. Dmac of Philadelphia Will Do fame will liveglog the early ALCS tilt at 4:30, while Sooze of Babes Love Baseball has your glog for the late NLCS matchup at 8:30. Same WoW channel.

The Royals hired Kevin Seitzer as their hitting coach for the 2009 season, after which he'll be fired and the Royals will replace him with another former hometown player who has some shred of experience teaching ballplayers how to be slightly above average.

Seitzer was last employed as the hitting coach for the Arizona Diamondbacks, a position he held for about half a year before getting fired and replaced by Rick Schu, who continued Seitzer's legacy of driving the Diamondbacks tentative offense into the turlet.

Kevin Seitzer's peak as hitting coach for the D-Backs came during spring training of 2008, when he used his wise baseball magic to help out someone named Dave Krynzel with his swing:

Outfielder Dave Krynzel was hitting off a tee one morning early in spring training when he barely mis-hit a ball, the noise echoing off the bat slightly different. Then Krynzel heard Kevin Seitzer's voice behind him: "Keep your stomach tight. Don't open up."

Seitzer, the Diamondbacks' new hitting coach, was correct in his diagnosis, but that wasn't what surprised Krynzel.

"He didn't even see it," Krynzel said. "Me and (Tony Clark) look at each other, and we're like: 'Was he even looking at me?' "

So get those sexy abs ready, Alex Gordon and Billy Butler. Coach Seitzer is going to get you to tighten them up until they look something like this.

Rinku and Dinesh's "Million Dollar Arm Blog" had been silent for a little while. Where were are heroes? Had JB sir blown out their arms to the point where they couldn't even type? Had they had enough of SoCal traffic and returned to the uncongested fields of home?

No! Dudes are busier than ever and returned this morning with a full slate of what may be their best entries to date. They explained that they're getting ready for their "tryout" on November 6th. They're prepping by practicing with the team at Vanguard University who, according to their website, are "a comprehensive Christian university." The team is being "very nice" to Rinku and Dinesh, which I presume to mean they haven't tried to convert them yet.

The guys' English is also getting better. They're even learning to understand slang. Kind of.

We are now at the point where we can understand very much when people speak. We are even learning some slang talk. Like the other day one of the players on USC team saw another player eating and he said, "What are you cracking on DAWG."

In America that means what are you eating my friend. Friends call each other DAWG here. Very weird.

Finally, the guys got to see one of California's largest and most controversial historical artifacts in person. A site so breathtaking that it's hard to believe it's a natural creation. Yes, Rinku and DInesh got to meet Barry Bonds. From the entry, "Tips From The Greatest Ever"

JB Sir drove us to Barry Bonds house to meet with him. It was awesome.

Mr. Bonds sir has the finest house anyone could ever imagine. He has many animals that he has hunted and preserved to display. He has his own real movie theater. He also has many cars and a gym just like the one at USC. He even has a mirror that turns into a TV! GAZAB!

Mr. Bonds sir studied our pitching with us and gave us many strategies of how to improve.

GAZAB! Barry Bonds' crib sounds like it was designed by Wayne Newton. If you don't remember, "JB Sir" is Jeff Bernstein. Bernstein was/is Barry's marketing agent and presumably called in this favor to the big man. No matter your thoughts on Bonds, for two guys coming to America to learn the game, few things could beat meeting with the All Time Home Run King. For all the indiscretions he's been accused of, none of them would help him have a better eye or be more able to read a pitcher's mechanics. I hope the guys were taking notes. On the pitching, not the interior design or gross misuse of wealth.

Now if you'll excuse me dawg, I'm starving and need to go crack on something.

First year Yankees manager Joe Girardi encountered only a few wicked barbs and arrows in guiding his team to a disappointing third place finish. Most folks spent their time blaming A-Rod for the Yankees' inability to win more than 55% of their games and groaning at every dumb statement Hank Steinbrenner made trying to inspire his team to win. Still, the Yankees beat writers took some umbrage with Girardi's practice of keeping team issues private, including injuries to folks like Joba Chamberlain. New York Post columnist Joel Sherman is sad and offended that Girardi would do such a thing!

After claiming that he would never meet with Girardi in a one-on-one session because he, Joel Sherman, believes in the sanctity of the media covering a subject without their own input, he suggests this crazy shit:

Nevertheless, if I ran the Yanks I would advise Girardi to meet individually with the nine beat reporters who travel regularly with the team and take seriously the complaint that his initial instinct to deceive hurts not only his relationship with the media, but also with a) players who find themselves in informational conflict with their manager; and b) the fans, who get less than forthright insights from the manager. And, by the way, this is not just on the subject of injuries, though Girardi and the Yankees think it is.

Sorry, Joel. Baseball is a business and not subject to the 96th Amendment to the Joel Sherman Constitution that states that "base-ball managers must entertain the members of the press who cover their base-ball teams and their selfish theories on how to make the base-ball team better and more fun to write about because going to the playoffs is fun and sells copy". The 97th Amendment, of course, reads "except Joel Sherman because I respect the distance between a reporter and his subject but please can I get this ball autographed for my kid?"

(We owe a Coke Zero to Replacement Level Yankees Blog)

Troy from West Virginia, super Dodgers fan, creator of the ultimate Joe Beimel tribute video and friend of Walkoff Walk got a shoutout from Los Angeles reliever Beimel during the lead up to Game Two of the NLCS. Watch, as Troy takes a ride on an emotional rollercoaster:

Excellent wardrobe change, by the way. He's a pro.

It is hardly a modern phenomenon that baseball players from opposing teams are friendly. You see it all the time: Bozo Millar joking like a moron with the first baseman after a bloop single. Some Dominican dude doing a 15 point handshake with some other Dominican dude at the cage during batting practice. It's all part of the scene, man.

Well it aint part of Kevin Youkilis' scene. Especially in the playoffs. Preach it brother.

When asked if it was hard to make the switch across the diamond from first to third at this point in the year, he didn't blather on about angles and spin and such.

"I'd rather play third than first because you don't have to talk to anybody," the Red Sox cleanup man said. "When you play first, you have to hold baserunners and talk to them after they get their hits or whatever. In the playoffs, you don't want to talk to anyone on the other team."

Listen, Chatty Cathy. You are either with Youk or you are against him. Your friendship matters little and your idle blather, even less. I can imagine him taking the silent tack anytime the pressure is on.

Wife giving birth? As she screams and the doctor and is continually talking, Youk stands to the side, arms folded intently focused on the birth canal.

High speed chase while driving a semi? Without taking his eyes off the road, Youk rips the cb out of the dash and tosses it out the window, sending it crashing through a cop's windshield.

Jeopardy contestant? During that part where Alex comes over to talk about some mundane story that happened when you were in college, Youk gives him an icy stare whilst silently making a slow and deliberate throat slashing motion.

I guess what I'm saying is, everyone should like it better when Youk is at third.

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• Was Hiroki Kuroda as good last night as Jamie Moyer was bad? No, Kuroda pitched well but he'd have had to throw a no-hitter to approach the extreme point away from average that Jamie Moyer reached. Moyer retired only four batters while getting smacked around for six hits and six runs. He looked like an old fart out there on the mound for the first time in a while and the Dodgers weren't hanging around waiting for him to dink around the strike zone. They were swinging on pitch one and it worked.
  
  
• When is Jimmy Rollins going to start hitting? Hopefully for Phillies fans, it'll be tonight. Kid's just 1-for-13 so far in the NLCS but has some success against tonight's Dodger starter Derek Lowe. Rollins is batting .300 in his career against Lowe, who has made four starts on three days' rest in his career, going 2-1 with a 5.09 ERA. Torre is pushing his sheckels to the middle of the table by starting Lowe on three days' rest instead of grizzled vet Greg Maddux or young stud lefty Clayton Kershaw. He's a gambler!
  
  
• Which player will be the first to get hit in the back tonight? Things have certainly gotten heated between two teams that really have no recent rivalry to speak of. I'm guessing that Lowe will gently guide his 85 MPH 'fast'ball into Shane Victorino's rear end sometime during tonight's game, but I could be completely wrong. After all, who wants to put a speedy Hawai'ian on the bases when there are bigger, slower targets like Ryan Howard.
  
  
• How long is this afternoon's ALCS game gonna last? With Jon Lester on the mound, this one's going to be over in less than three hours. By the way, the average LCS game so far has lasted 3 hours and 36 minutes, but the two LCS games I've had the privilege of glogging have been done in under 3 hours. Thanks for staying up late, Sooze and Lloyd! Those two did an amazing job this weekend.

Oh me, oh my, I've returned from a weekend Winston-Salem wedding, this football nonsense has finally expired, and baseball can finally return from the backburner after a barnburner that ended so late last night, poor Willy Aybar still hasn't woken up yet. Tonight's NLCS Game Three pits the Phillies and their two home wins tucked neatly into their Lee jeans against the Dodgers and their aging Red Sox infused roster. Yes, Nomar is starting tonight.

Hardened lefty veteran and former Hawk Jamie Moyer will put his old man wits and Wizened Baseball Experience on the line against former Carp Hiroki Kuroda. It's bird against fish! A classic matchup!

Your lineups follow:

Phillies	Dodgers
J. Rollins ss S. Victorino cf C. Utley 2b R. Howard 1b P. Burrell lf J. Werth rf P. Feliz 3b C. Ruiz c J. Moyer p	R. Furcal ss A. Ethier rf M. Ramirez lf R. Martin c N. Garciaparra C. Blake 3b M. Kemp cf B. DeWitt 2b H. Kuroda p

Glog starts after the jump. If you came here looking for the classy Sooze of Babes Love Baseball, tough noogies, come back tomorrow night. Tonight, you get your fill of Rob Iracane.

Each weekend during the playoffs, I'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked or ever would ask. This could be fun and uninformative or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

Well that certainly was a ballgame, wasn't it? A million pitchers threw a million pitches, the teams combined for 7 dongs in a game that lasted 327 minutes. In the end a 23 year old pitcher that saw his first big league action less than one month ago got the win while a 42 year old pitcher took the loss.

On to the questions!

• I thought these guys were supposed to be good? Good they were. Scott Kazmir and Josh Beckett were good, but they didn't come in pitching that way. Each man was a study in inefficiency; falling behind hitters, relying on their fastballs and leaving stuff up and over the plate. The two big studs got touched for 13 runs between them, giving up three home runs each. Not pretty from the "aces" that aren't really aces. James Shields and Jon Lester are the class of these rotations.
  
  
• I thought these guys were supposed to suck? Suck they did. Dustin Pedrioa and Evan Longoria were sucking, but they woke up just in time to ignite their offenses. Pedroia scored 4 times, knocking himself with two tater tots despite coming into the game 2-20 in the playoffs. Evan Longoria started the playoffs with two tots then went 1 for his next 13 ABs. He dingered and laced two doubles to the left field corner to power the Rays offense.
  
  
• What's wrong with David Ortiz? Plenty. He looks completely out of sorts at the plate, not making good swings at all. He walked three times, which makes it easier to swallow for Sox fans, but it is incumbent on him to swing the back and drive in runs. I'd like to draw some conclusion about him missing Manny's protection, but it just wouldn't be intellectually honest of me. Nobody to blame but himself right now.
  
  
• Does Joe Maddon owe his life Dan Wheeler? Absolutely. Dan Wheeler was off his ass. He pitched three and a third innings of sparkling relief, the only blemish was a wild pitch that Dionner Navarro could have done more with. After Price, there was only one Ray in the bullpen, and he barely counts. Wheeler saved his team after Kazmir's short start put so much pressure on the bullpen, which got 17 outs. The only question remaining is Will Wheeler be able to pitch again Monday?

Tough act to follow National League. Let's see you bunt your way into that kind of business! Tonight's Gas Face recipient? The TBS exec. that greenlighted 8pm starts and extra-long commercial breaks. 5.5 hours is too damn long for a baseball game, and stay off my lawn your no-good kids.

Remember kids, Sooze will be here to glog your pants tonight while I give thanks and eat turkey. You're jealous, admit it.

Battle at the Juicebox - Take Two! Tonight we see 2 hard throwin, pitch counts are for pussies Texans go at with all they got. Will we see 300 total pitches before the 7th inning? Will Josh Beckett - October God return? Will Scott Kazmir decide that being an ace is for him after all? Will Victor Zambrano enjoy his new job as Sox bullpen catcher? Will the cowbells drive you to drink? Are you headed towards the drink anyway? Will the Habs rebound from their shootout loss against the rebuilding Leafs?

The lineups look very much like last night, which mean they look like this:

Red Sox J. Ellsbury rf D. Pedroia 2b D. Ortiz dh K. Youkilis 3b J. Bay lf J. Lowrie ss J. Varitek c M. Kotsay 1b C. Crisp cf

Tampa Bay Rays A. Iwamura 2b B.J. Upton cf C. Pena 1b E. Longoria 3b C. Crawford lf C. Floyd dh D. Navarro c G. Gross rf J. Bartlett ss

The hot weekend liveglog action jumps off after the jump.

You know those brawls that erupt between people fighting for the payday known as a memorable home run ball? You know how sometimes things get heated in the stands and that beef makes it to the parking lot? You know how one guy fatally stabbed another in one of these donnybrooks, then plead guilty and was sentenced to 16 years in prison? That really happened. One man took another man's life after a skirmish for a free baseball. That is messed up.

The 16 year-to-life sentence is approximately half the time Barry Bonds would face were he convicted of lying to a grand jury. Bonds could face up to 30 years if convicted of all 15 counts of lying under oath and obstruction of justice.

People HATE Barry Bonds, they really do. If the opportunity to throw the book at him exists, any uppity judge will redefine irony or kismet or something else improbable and do so. Based on Barry's Revised Zone Rating, he won't even be able to catch it, AMIRITE???

The true criminals here are the insanely rich morons that shell out big cash for a stupid fucking baseball. One guy is dead and another's in jail for a serious chunk of time. I hope you're happy Todd McFarlane, there is blood on your hands. Not just the blood of Michael Jai White's career.

If mid-nineties thug life movies have taught me anything, it's that the LAPD loves the good cop/bad cop routine. Poor little Cuba JR didn't stand a chance. The modern Dodgers don't stand a chance either, especially when faced with the yin-yang hyrda of T.J. Simers and Bill Plashcke.

Simers took time out from slamming the city of Brotherly Love to, uh, slam the city of Brotherly Love. As dear commenter Honeynut Ichiros pointed out, Simers has even more choice words for Philly:

It isn't just a game here in Angryville, but a violent attitude to determine who is really tougher. Before Game 2, they showed previous playoff highlights between the Dodgers and Phillies to the sound of Edwin Starr singing "War."

As T.J. spewed more bile in an Easterly direction today, he also snuggled up close to the boys in blue and promised they'd do their best. He used Manny's Crown Royal quote to up the pun in his title "Dodgers will still give it their best shot" while still ensuring everyone else hates him:

Sure, the Dodgers are down 2-0, but doing so much better than the Cubs and their fans.

And although they were nothing more than Angryville chum here the last two days, as bad as the Dodgers must feel, they get to leave Philadelphia while all the towel wavers remain stuck here.

While T.J. is content to piss off people that don't read him every day, Bill Plaschke chose to keep the hatred in-house. He points his finger at the Dodgers, a team he believes has lost its identity:

The Dodgers didn't just leave Citizens Bank Park field Friday, they were thrown out by a Phillies team that pushed them to the door just before snatching their swagger.

Gone is the clubhouse music. Gone are the hopeful smiles. Gone is the idea that Manny Ramirez can carry them.

He hit a three-run homer Friday, he's batting .375 in the series, and the Dodgers still haven't won a game.

Big Bill questions all of Joe Torre's managerial and life decisions in his piece; blaming the esteemed headman for the Dodgers' sudden collapse. All this fingerpointing and invective must make for interesting conversation around the lunch table at Times HQ. I assume T.J. Simers got to wear the Baba Au Rum costume on his way out of Philadelphia last night.

Each weekend during the playoffs, I'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked or ever would ask. This could be fun and uninformative or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

Sweet Fancy Moses! Two LCS games in one day??? Whatever have we done to deserve such bounty? The early game was full of fireworky goodness, with Manny dongs and hitting pitchers. Bascially everything you look for in a baseball game. The nightcap was a pitchers duel of the highest order. Well played, defense, all that good stuff we're supposed to like.

Weekend mornings don't often find us with the clearest of minds, and I'm not as astute as Rob, so this mornings questions will skew more towards "the human condition" than "baseball". Rhetoric ho!

• Is it at all possible to feel comfortable during a Dice-K start? Absolutely not. He's pitching a no-hitter, he's walking the bases loaded. He's giving up consecutive hits yet stranding them all. I believe the stress is equally split between each team. Rays fans keep thinking this is the inning they break through, until they don't. The normally balanced and perspective-laden Red Sox fans just wait for the other shoe to drop all game long. At least he's not boring!


• Why can't Ryan Howard hit a curveball? I wish I knew. The Dodgers fed him a steady diet of nothing, and every time he quickly returned to the waiting room. Dude is rocking a sub .500 OPS in the playoffs, but the Phillies are winning all the same. He's struggling, and it ain't pretty.


• What is the most annoying sound in the world? Cowbells. So. Many. Cowbells. Make them stop. They will haunt my dreams. Watching the Phillies/Dodgers game was great because the crowd at CBP was AWESOME. The early rallies had them roaring like an international soccer crowd. Fox's myriad of microphones picked up every shout and cry, really adding to the sense of atmosphere, which I enjoyed. Somehow, I can't see Dodger Stadium bringing the same kind of intensity.


• Is 3.5 hours an acceptable length for a baseball game? Not remotely. The NLCS game featured lots of early offense but the late innings went by at a decent clip. The patient Red Sox and the wacky Matsuzaka drew out a 2-0 game to that same extended length. Will a not-quite on Josh Beckett and the normally wild Scott Kazmir get in under 4 hours? I have my doubts.

Only one game tonight, and I'll be here to live glog the living shit out of it. Maybe we'll even have something to look at between now and then.

Let me first thank Rob and Camp Tiger Claw for letting me crash this sausage party. I've been super pumped all day! So we get to hang out, drink ice cold cans of PBR together, and watch some playoff baseball. Really? Maybe if something tragic happened to Joe Buck I'd be almost as elated as I am right now.

First thing's first. I'm not from Boston, so I won't be using words like "wicked" and "tahd". I'm from Minnesota, so go ahead and imagine the girl with the side-pony tail from Fargo while you read. Except hot. Maybe just make fun of my accent now to get it out of your system.

The Tampa Bay Rays have made it all the way to the ALCS, you guys. I'm not even sure if they have a real mascot. Someone google that crap for me. They do have that one die-hard fan with the funny wig, though. That guy's pretty crazy.

The Boston Red Sox are coming off yet another World Series Championship, have smokin' hot fans, yada yada yada. They're old hats at this winning business, which is what's gonna make this series interesting for the Rays. And by interesting I mean super badass. So, stick around and I'll be back to talk smack about Derek Jeter, since Rob informed me that if I didn't, he'd kill my entire family. Ruthless bastard.

Whee. Got home just in time. No time to post lineups, Dr. Jones. Yahoo's got em. After the jump, end your workweek with Joe, Tim, Dwarf Ken and I.

We got playoff baseball and Flomax Martinis. FOR YOUR GOING PROBLEM.

Hey kids, no one else can decide for you.

• IS Impartial Baseball America rooting for Red Sox/Dodgers as much as it seems like? Again, I'm saying impartial. People without a dog in the fight. Those are some pretty compelling built in storylines, no matter what you think of the parties involved.


• DID Nostricaneus know something we didn't when he made a point of writing about Brett Myers this morning? None of us would be surprised at implosion, that's for sure.


• IN WHICH inning will Matsuzaka decide to walk 3 consecutive Rays?


• WILL Jamie Moyer turn in his best postseason start since his days with the St. Louis Browns?


• WHY AREN'T YOU WALKING MANNY?


• HOW will Josh Beckett look tomorrow? I know the goatee is stupid, I meant how will his pitching look?


• DO we love you too much? We must. We have glogs lined up for every single dadgum game this weekend.

Peep this. Today at 4:30, I present my Glog of NLCS Game 2. You know how I do. I like to blindly speculate and embed music. It's always a good time. For tonight's ALCS opener, I'm handing things off to the wildly talented Sooze of Babes Love Baseball. Kid will have you in stitches late into the night. Come getcha some.

Tomorrow morning, you're back in the loving hands of one Lloyd The Barber. He'll have you covered with recaps and various ephemera from the night that was, before taking you into his very own glog of tomorrow night's ALCS Game 2. It's Thanksgiving in Canadia so send this guy some virtual cranberry sauce for his troubles.

He's got you Sunday morning/afternoon then it's Sooze time again on Sunday. I told you we love you all.

Rob and I are back on Monday and I'm pretty interested to see how these series will look by then. This is why we're WoWies, folks. Now go out there and watch some baseball. See you soon.

During preseason, I predicted the Red Sox would finish in third place in the AL East behind the Yankees and the Rays. This was a massive underestimation of a team that has proven to be the best team in the American League despite their current designation of "Wild Card". The Sox outscored their opponents by 151 runs, the best mark in the AL and 48 runs better than the Rays' 103 run-differential. Despite falling 10-8 in the season series with the Rays and finishing two games behind them, the Sox are just slightly the better team.

Patrick Sullivan at Baseball Analysts gets down to the nitty-gritty and pulls the most telling stats. Boston had an OPS+ of 108 while Tampa's was 103 (not bad), while both teams had an adjusted ERA of 114 (that's really good). Basically, Boston had a better and more powerful offense but their pitching staffs were peculiarly similar. But what about the postseason rosters of the pitching staff? Are these two teams really evenly matched on the mound?

Boston's four starters, Matsuzaka (158 ERA+) , Lester (143), Beckett (114) , and Wakefield (111), outperformed Tampa's four starters, Shields (122), Kazmir (125), Garza (118) and Sonnanstine (100).

In the bullpen, Tampa might have the upper hand even with Troy Percival off the roster. Using our old favorite stat Win Expectation over Replacement, Lineup-adjusted or WXRL, Tampa had three of the top 25 relievers in the American League in J.P. Howell (4.643), Grant Balfour (3.431), and Dan Wheeler (2.087) while the Sox had only Jonathan Papelbon (3.287) in the top 25. The big question in Boston's bullpen is whether Tito Francona backs off his reliance on Justin Masterson and instead brings in Manny Delcarmen in tight situations.

Defensively, the two teams are a wash, but note well: Jason Bay has seriously upgraded the Boston outfield while Tampa upgraded their own defense by keeping Eric Hinske off the postseason roster. Hinske was dropped in favor of a long reliever, Edwin Jackson.

I'd like to predict the Sox are going to win because they have the stronger team, but because (a) the Rays have home-field advantage and (b) I already predicted the Rays would win, I'm sticking with my guns. Rays in seven.

David Faustino! Tone Loc! Together at last! Grab yourself a funky cold medina and check out this Classic TV Friday blast from our collective pasts. Sam Kinison's Aardvarks take on Sammy Hagar's Salamanders in a battle for MTV supremacy.

Keanu Reeves has a tantrum at first base and Darryl Strawberry... well I don't want to spoil the ending. Be excellent to each other dudes and dudettes.

I'm sick of jinxing Mike Lowell in this space, so this week it's an all non-playoff Creampuff. Which is hilarious because there's a Cubs player on here.

• Mariano Rivera, Yankees: Sandman had a calicfied joint in his shoulder shaved off. No word on if the surgery was done by Derek Jeter with a Gilette Fusion while Tiger Woods and Roger Federer stood by in queer black suits. Rivera is expected to be throwing again in about 3 months. SO ARE THE REST OF THE YANKEES. LOL +1


• Omar Vizquel, Lonely: Omar Vizquel had an old guy surgery that 'Im pretty sure I've used as a punchline here before. Homey had laser eye surgery. Teehee. To compound matters, Brian Sabean says there is "zero" chance the Giants will bring him back next year. There may still be a market in the NL for a shortstop that wears these. So don't fret, yet Omar.


• Carlos Marmol, Cubs: This week on Carlos & Cousins Carlos and one of the cousins get t-boned by a pickup truck! Arooogah! That's gonna leave a mark! Or just what Marmol is calling an "inflammation" on his head. Maybe he should rub these on it.


• Ambiorix Burgos, Mets: I'm just gonna copy and paste from the ESPN injury report on this one: "Comment: Burgos (elbow) will be jailed for three months while he awaits trial for a hit-and-run accident that killed two women, the Associated Press reports." That is one dangerous elbow injury.

If the roast pork Italian sandwiches, Schmitters, and crab fries aren't enough to make Philadelphia fans reach for their Pepcid, then perhaps the second 2008 playoff start this afternoon for Mr. Brett Myers will. Dude has been as unpredictable as the mystery empanada of the day at Pedro McDougle's Irish-Mexican Bar and Grille in Northeast Philly: sometimes he pitches great, sometimes he pitches like garbage and gives you the squirts. Just take a peek at his game log on the year: a terrible start followed by a demotion to Triple-A followed by a return to form followed by a great winning streak followed by a trip back into the shitter followed by a memorable NLDS start against the Brewers. With his peaks and valleys, he's just like the Great American Scream Machine at Six Flags except without the huge wooden target on which to discard your chewing gum before boarding.

Times of Trenton columnist Mark Eckel agrees, and brings up Myers' Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality to prove his point:

Myers, the Phillies' enigma of a starting pitcher-turned-closer, turned-back-to-starter, walked into the interview room yesterday at 4:45 p.m., 15 minutes earlier than planned and carried a bat with him. "I figured you guys wanted to talk about my hitting," Myers said, warming up his audience in stand- up style. "So I brought my bat."

Last night we saw the good Myers, the one the Phillies hope to see on the mound today. When a reporter was talking a little too loud on his cell phone, Myers stopped and playfully chastised him. That was a little different than the nasty altercation Myers got into with a reporter from the same newspaper a year ago.

You remember that incident, right? Here's Brett Myers going at it with Philadelphia Inquirer reporter Sam Carchidi:

BM: "Hey! You pointin' at me motherfucker?! I'll tell you what, dude, I'll knock you mutherfucking out! FUCK YOU!!! You're tough when fuckin' people are standing in front of you, aren't you, you piece of shit! Come on! You fucking idiot. Yeah, you're tough when fuckin' people are standing in front of you, you stupid ass."

SC: "I'm a retard?"

BM: "Yeah, that's right, YOU ARE, you're a fucking idiot. You ask stupid ass fucking questions!"

The man has the temperament of an obstinate rhesus monkey with hypertension and a handful of its own dung. Good luck this afternoon, Phillies fans.

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• Why did Charlie Manuel not have Cole Hamels pitch around Manny Ramirez in the first inning? With Andre Ethier on second and one out, Manuel could have asked Hamels to semi-intentionally walk Manny and set up the double play with Russell Martin on deck. Maybe he made the right decision though, as Manny's double missed going out of the yard by about two feet and Hamels escaped from the inning with just one run. Call it just dumb luck for one inning, but Hamels cruised the rest of the game and that was pure pitching skills.
  
  
• How magnified is that error by Rafael Furcal? Considering the fact that Furcal went 0-for-4 at the top of the Dodgers lineup, thus allowing Ramirez to come up just two RBI chances in the game, Furcal's error was the least of his problems. After all, Furcal merely grounded out four times in the game. Still, everyone points to his error in the sixth that allowed Shane Victorino to reach first which led to Chase Utley's two run ding-dong.
  
  
• How many heart attacks were reported in Philadelphia between 10:45PM and 11PM? I have no idea, but even a casual Philadelphia supporter like myself had my heart in my throat when Brad Lidge came on to pitch. Lidge is a pure fly-ball pitcher and he gave up two towering fly ball outs to Matt Kemp and Casey Blake. Victorino snagged them both in center field and Lidge held on for the save. Lidge gave up only three tater tots during the regular season but if he gives up a fourth one, it's going to send dozens of Philadelphians into cardiac arrest.
  
  
• Did the FOX announcing crew entertain you, or at least fail to piss you off? There was nothing really entertaining or educational about Buck and McCarver's work last night. They consistently talk down to the audience and worst of all, McCarver seems to be making shit up as he goes along sometimes. What is he, a baseball blogger? In their defense, I don't recall any single moment that caused me to throw my shoe at the television set.
  
  
• Will you join us later today and tonight? We're going to liveglog BOTH LCS games. Join us at 4:30PM EDT for NLCS Game Two and 8:30PM EDT for ALCS Game One.

Folks, I couldn't be more excited about tonight's playoff game. I could bore you with stats and matchups and predictions and whatnot, but we've had enough build-up all friggin' week long. It's Cole Hamels versus Derek Lowe at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia and nobody has any idea who's gonna win. This mother's a tossup!

In case you do want an eloquently written preview of the pitching matchup, check out Jesse Spector's blog. If you want to follow along with the lineups and the game action, head over to MLB.com for the live boxscore. If you want some delicious foie gras in Montreal, go to Au Pied de Cochon.

But if you want dry sports comedy, follow along with me after the jump for all the good smart talk and jibber-jabber:

Hey kids, leave my gun in the donut shop, underneath the third booth.

• WILL Derek Lowe continue to be a warm postseason commodity? Dude has allowed 10 runs in his last 30 or so postseason IP and has that vaunted "playoff experience" dripping out of his Zach Morris looking head. He's been exceptional in his last 6 against the Phils, sporting a 2.58 ERA.


• CAN Cole Hamels shut down that Mannyfied Dodger lineup? He's thrown 14 IP against them this year, coming in identical 7 inning, 2 run outings. One of those was in the post Manny era.


• HAVE you adequately prepared yourself for the giant dump Fox is about to take all over our playoffs? Buck! McCarver! Zelasko! Kennedy! Hey, Pepto Bismol!


• TORRE can't really be the difference, can he?


• WILL you be back to livewatch with Robert Q. Iracane And Timestamped Jokes Of Death? You best be.

So often the LCS are much more intense than the World Series. This is quite possibly the best 10 days to be a baseball fan. So go home, tell your sweetheart they look good and ask how their day was. Then have some dinner. Then crank up the NLCS with Rob. It's go time.

Oh, yeah. And a drink. Don't forget to make a drink.

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• David Chalk figures out which Red Sox player matches up with which James Bond villians. Tune in tomorrow when he compares the 1989 Kansas City Royals with characters from "How I Met Your Mother". Bugs and Cranks.
  
  
• Craig Sager's worst suits. In related news, I almost fit into my new grey suit. Bad Jerseys.
  
  
• The Wise potato chip company isn't very wise about which decals they affix to their potato chips. Warning: choking hazard ahead. Hugging Harold Reynolds.
  
  
• 'Duk steals a headline but it's a gem. Go read about Orel Hershiser being a poker stud. Big League Stew.
  
  
• Joe Sheehan is just as confused as I am about the NLCS, but still finds a way to make an intelligent prediction. Baseball Prospectus.
  
  
• Padres owner John Moores is selling 49% of the team because of a painful divorce with his wife Becky. This is going to end just like the movie Major League. Gaslamp Ball.
  
  
• The Sugar Shack BBQ features dishes like the Notorious P.I.G., the Texas O.G., and Baby Got Back ribs, along with the Wrappers Delight. Suicide Food.

With the Red Sox and Rays getting ready to commence an ALCS that is, in my estimate, almost about as anticipated as any Sox/Yanks series, the spotlight is fully on both teams. Rotation announcements were being treated as big news, each regular season matchup is being reanalyzed and rehashed. As anticipation builds to a fever pitch you're probably not asking yourself the same question I'm not asking myself? Hey, where's Curt Schilling? I haven't thought about him in well over 3 months, and for obvious reasons he is totally irrelevant to the kickoff of tomorrow's series.

Well of course, Curt aint having that. Cue up th..zzzzzzzzzz

Dr. Craig Morgan said yesterday that if the Red Sox had followed his advice to operate on Schilling's shoulder last winter, the righthander likely would have been ready for the postseason.

"If the [team] would have let me do the surgery in January, he'd probably be pitching in the playoffs now," Morgan said in a telephone interview.

Only 3 1/2 months after the operation was performed, Morgan yesterday described Schilling's shoulder as "phenomenal."

And in no way shape or form did Schilling suggest to Morgan that he make these public comments. None at all. He's too busy campaigning to lower himself into this fray.

The timing of comments like this make them look like nothing so much as pathetic. The Red Sox are playing for the pennant. They did it without a single pitch from number 38. Why would Morgan/Schilling think the team would be stung by a game of "I Told You So," right now? It's a moot point.

Curt, go enjoy the $8 million retirement gift that was your 2008 contract. Hell of a gold watch. Then you and your cronies pipe down for awhile.

Hey jerkface, think your opinions are more informed and less homeriffic than ours? Want your voice to be heard? Then head over and vote for the Internet Baseball Awards.

The good folks at Baseball Prospectus have been doing this since 1991 and continually making the BBWAA look like absolute boobs. It's a real official ballot with the ability to rank up to 10 players in the MVP vote and up to 5 in the Cy Young race.

Serious votes only, please. If Corey Patterson ends up with any first-place votes for MVP and they trace the ballots back to this website, the FEC is going to take away my voting privileges.

Hurry up and vote, though, because the deadline is tomorrow night at 11PM.

With the postseason stuck in that lull between the Division Series and the League Championship Series, we here at Walkoff Walk thought it would be a good time to assault our readers' eyes and brains with some award posts. We proudly present The First Annual Walkoff Walk Dot Com Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence sponsored in part by nobody because we don't get paid a damn thing to do this website. It's a labor of love.

We've split up our choices into two sections, one for each of us. We've spent minutes and minutes research stats and whatnot to make these important decisions. Please consider our opinions and then feel free to express your own in the comment section.

Next up, the American League MVP:

Rob Iracane:

1. Joe Mauer
2. Kevin Youkilis
3. Alex Rodriguez

This was the toughest choice for me to make among all the awards. I've been thinking about this award for a while now and no one candidate stuck his head out long enough for me to make an absolute decision. Still, Mauer caught 139 games this year and managed to amass an .864 OPS while batting third for a team that nearly won the AL Central. Historically, this was a great year for a Twins catcher, nearly as good as his own 2006 season with his .936 OPS. Am I giving this to Mauer as a make-up? Possibly. But take Mauer out of the Twins lineup and there's no way they score 829 runs.

I nearly gave top billing to Youkilis, who significantly increased his power output in 2008, going from a .453 to a .569 slugging percentage while maintaining his .390 on base percentage. Youk also played a great first base while committing 252 innings to third base while Mike Lowell was out. Most of all, Youkilis hit well in every single month. Rodriguez had a noticeable decline from 2007 but is still the best offensive player in the league; to leave him off my ballot would be unfair.

Honorable mention goes to Dustin Pedroia, who started slow but upped his output in time to become the best hitting middle infielder in the league. As for Milton Bradley and Carlos Quentin, they both missed too much time to be considered in this vote.

---

Camp Tiger Claw:

1. Carlos Quentin
2. Alex Rodriguez
3. Cliff Lee

Toughest one on the board. The one thing to keep in mind here, is that if Ian Kinsler doesn't get hurt, he ends up running away with this damn thing. But for me his injury comes just a bit too early. Yes Quentin was hurt, and that probably keeps him out off most "real" ballots, but in 130 games, he missed the league HR title by one. He had a higher SLG than anyone but A-Rod, and a higher OPS than anyone but Milton Bradley or A-Rod. Rodriguez takes second by virtue of playing 138 games, and being the best player in the history of sentient life. For lack of a better option, I'll do something I don't usually do and throw a bone to a starting pitcher. The Indians went 24-7 in Lee's 31 starts. Throw out a 14-12 loss in July and they scored 15 runs in the 6 remaining losses. There was hardly a game Lee did not show up for.

As for Pedroia/Youkilis. They both had great years. They split my vote and don't make the list.

Please join us later tonight at 8:30PM Eastern Daylight Time for an official NLCS liveglog. Bring your own roast pork Italian sandwiches and Cobb salads.

For many years, Americans have tried to understand the Japanese culture. Just when we think we've got them figured out, they go and produce something like this:

(via this disturbing website that is so terrible we don't recommend you looking at the rest of the content...seriously)

Before Manny Ramirez electrified the entire Dodger lineup and before Rafael Furcal and Jeff Kent traded places on the Creampuff list to shore up the defense, the Los Angelese Dodgers were a vastly mediocre team in a vastly piss-poor division. Certain folks overlooked the team when making predictions about their series against the Cubs, but in retrospect, I don't look as dumb right now as the Cubs themselves, so no big whoop.

It behooves the Philadelphia Phillies, in that case, to not overlook the Dodgers because of their ho-hum 2008 record. The two teams are way too evenly matched. Over the last two months of the season, the Dodgers scored 250 runs and allowed 217. Over the last two months of the season, the Phillies scored 253 runs and allowed 211. This is not a coincidence, because both teams are built in a similar manner post-Manny.

Both teams have strong starting rotations, although the Phillies seem to fall off a cliff with their #4 guy Joe Blanton. Hamels, Myers, and Moyer match up well with Lowe, Billingsley, and Kuroda. Either team can choose to bring back their Game One starter on three days' rest for Game Four; doing so will allow that fella to come back in Game Seven on normal rest because of the extra off-day built in. Charlie Manuel has already said he'll go with Blanton for Game Four while Joe Torre is hemming and hawing about using crusty vet Greg Maddux or young stud Clayton Kershaw.

Both teams have strong bullpens, too, although the Phillies structure is far more defined. Brad Lidge is the closer. Chad Durbin comes in to face righties. J.C. Romero comes in to face lefties. Ryan Madson comes in when Myers gets shelled early. It's set in stone, folks. Meanwhile, the Dodgers scrambled with their closer Takashi Saito on the D.L. for part of the regular season. Over the course of the year, Saito and Jonathan Broxton split save opportunities with Joe Beimel and Hong Chih-Kuo doing their magic in the 7th and 8th. Torre is deciding now whether to put Kuo, sidelined of late with a triceps injury, on the postseason roster to replace Saito and his wonky elbow.

Both teams hit lots of taters and took a lot of walks in their NLDS wins. The top six fellas in the Phillies lineup are solid: Rollins, Victorino, Utley, Howard, Burrell, and Werth. Past that, it's a crapshoot with Feliz and catcher o' the day. The lineup that Torre trotted out for the NLDS was equally good: Furcal, Martin, Ramirez, Ethier, Loney, and Kemp as the top six, with DeWitt and Blake bringing up ther rear.

Both teams match up well defensively, on the bench, and with their crusty old managers. So how do we predict a winner? We don't. We just cross our fingers and hope this one goes to seven, because more baseball is more gooder.

With the postseason stuck in that lull between the Division Series and the League Championship Series, we here at Walkoff Walk thought it would be a good time to assault our readers' eyes and brains with some award posts. We proudly present The First Annual Walkoff Walk Dot Com Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence sponsored in part by nobody because we don't get paid a damn thing to do this website. It's a labor of love.

We've split up our choices into two sections, one for each of us. We've spent minutes and minutes research stats and whatnot to make these important decisions. Please consider our opinions and then feel free to express your own in the comment section.

Next up, the National League Cy Young Award:

Camp Tiger Claw:

1. Tim Lincecum
2. Johan Santana
3. Brad Lidge

Also, closer than you might think. WHIP, ERA, CG, OBA were all neck and neck, but Timmy struck out 60 more guys in 7 less innings. Efficiency is key here. Brad Lidge gets third place, mainly because the vaunted Diamondback 1-2 shit the bed and I don't want to reward Dusty Baker's use of pitchers by voting for Volquez.

Also, Screw K-Rod.

---

Rob Iracane:

1. Johan Santana
2. Tim Lincecum
3. Cole Hamels

Please ignore win-loss records for starting pitchers. They are not really that important when judging the ability of a pitcher. Teams sometimes play bad defense, have problems fielding, or employ bullpens that explode on contact. None of these three gentlemen approached the win total of Brandon Webb yet they all threw more innings and struck out more batters while allowing fewer hits.

Wins do have some meaning, though, as Santana singlehandedly kept the Mets in the conversation for the second half of the year. Throw out the offensive contributions of Carloses Delgado and Beltran; without Santana, the Mets would just be another also-ran like the Braves. How good was Santana? His last bad start came on July 17th, after which he didn't lose a single game. The other three pitchers I mentioned lost ten games combined after that point, while Santana won eight games by himself.

Lincecum led the league in innings and beat the Dodgers in his only two starts against them, his first and his last of the season. He deserves mention for simply doing what Giants fans want out of him. Hamels had a rough stretch where he didn't win a game for 45 straight days but collected two complete game shutouts while fronting the rotation for a division winner. Honorable mention goes to Brad Lidge for being perfect.

Your Walkoff Walk Dabbleboard for the day is ready to be graffitoed. Put your Basquiat hat on and get rarin'.

Each morning during the playoffs, we'll attempt to answer some questions about the playoff games that absolutely nobody asked. This could be helpful and fun or this could be painful and uninformative. Either way, it's another listicle in the listicle-ful sportsblogosphere.

• Who is more despicable, Manny Ramirez or Tim McCarver? We may not know everything that goes on behind the scenes with Manny and his presumed lack of effort with the Sox, but we know everything that goes on in the booth with McCarver because he can't shut his fat mouth. Says McCarver about Manny, "But some of the things he did were simply despicable, despicable -- like not playing, refusing to play. Forgetting what knee to limp on. And now it's washed, it's gone." All bullshit, all secondhand stories that he heard, all completely inconsequential. Facts are facts: Manny produced for the Red Sox offensively before he was traded and McCarver's brain is made up of 50% horse manure. Mute your TV's tonight, folks, and put on the radio.
  
  
• How much does T.J. Simers hate Philadelphia? Probably not much at all, despite his attack piece in the L.A. Times. Simers is just another shock columnist whose only skill is promoting negativity to earn readers. Well, T.J., congrats, because you got me to link to your poorly-written column. Says Simers, "It's an angry place, all right, everything old here in Philadelphia, crumbling and in ruin. Even the city's main attraction has a crack in it." God, that is hack.
  
  
• Have you tired of all the Charlie Manuel/Manny Ramirez articles yet? Like this one? If not, please re-read item #1 and mute your goddamn TV tonight.
  
  
• How bad is this movie going to be? The steep career descent of Al Pacino has reached its nadir. The only redeeming aspect of a Lasorda biopic will be if they recreate the 'swirly move'.
  
  
• How awesome is this library? It's the third happiest place on Earth, after Disney World and Las Vegas. Knowledge is sexy!

Hey kids, any man more right than his neighbors constitutes a majority of one.

• CAN you