Captain Varitek to Inspire His Troops, Rally the Masses

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The Red Sox have officially hit the panic button. Having lost two humiliatingly bad games on their home turf and with just one game remaining at Fenway Park in the ALCS, I don't blame them one bit. It's time for Red Sox Nation to activate, and captain Jason Varitek and his .220 batting average has a plan!

Captain Jason Varitek suggested there would be a speech on Thursday before Game 5 and that he would make it. It was odd, however, for Varitek to suggest this version of the Red Sox needed more crowd support to pull off another comeback. Fenway Park has been gut-punched with early Rays rallies in Games 3 and 4.

"It doesn't hurt our team to have some faith," he said. "We need to find a way to get our crowd involved, get our fans involved and come out there and be ready to play."

You heard him, Sox fans. Your job is to show up two hours before first pitch tomorrow night for cheer practice led by Cap'n 'Tek. He'll teach you some ol' fashioned "rah rah sis boom bah" that's been lacking of late in Fenway.

Seriously, though, it is strange to know that the Fenway folks have been so non-supportive of their team over the past two routs. The television viewers have been treated to actual boos mixed in with the occasional "Yoouuuk". C'mon, Bostonites! That's the stuff I've heard at Yankee Stadium their last three playoff appearances. That's the stuff we've heard at Shea Stadium for the last twenty years. That's the stuff Cubs fans do, fer chrissakes! You're supposed to be all knowledgeable about baseball in Boston, and you're supposed to be satisfied with two World Series championships in the past five years.

So if you've got tickets for Game Five tomorrow night, clap your hands real hard, Sox fans, or you might not see your team again until April. Because I'm going to kidnap them and keep them in my basement.

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Does Red Sox nation need Zan and Jayna in order to activate?

Red Sox Nation needs Farthammer to yell that their girlfriends all have huge asses and ugly faces. That seemed to do the trick in the 2003 ALDS.

"Seriously, though, it is strange to know that the Fenway folks have been so non-supportive of their team over the past two routs."

Really? Why is that? Despite what they all bleat when they're winning about how they're the greatest fans on earth, they're just the same sad sack of trash that 'graces' most parks.

Watching the "Real Boston Fans Never Leave" masses evacuate Foxborough in the 3rd quarter and now Fenway in the sixth inning has been absolutely delicious.

I can't wait for another Bill Simmons article where he arrogantly proclaims that Boston fans NEVER bandwagon.

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