Darryl Strawberry Inserts Himself Into Conversation, Conversation Calls 911

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Hey, a Major League Baseball player for a New York team has had some trouble with the law! Time for the sports sections of all the crappy newspapers in New York City to get some relevant quotes from the all-time leader in legal humiliation, Darryl Strawberry!

Seems that Darryl called the Yankees exec Ray Negron after he learned about Joba Chamberlain's DUI arrest to ask him to pass on some words of encouragement to Joba. Yes, that's exactly what someone needs when they've been arrested for the first time in their lives, words of encouragement from Darryl Strawberry. Just check out the "Legal and personal problems" section of Darryl's Wikipedia page. It reads like the Canterbury Tales, except with less courtly love and fewer Middle English rhymes.

"I told him I think the main thing for Joba right now is he needs to look at himself in the mirror and evaluate himself, more than anything," Strawberry said yesterday morning. "At that age, in the situation he's in with the Yankees, it's easy to think you can do whatever you want to do. But that's just the beginning."

Then perhaps this reflection is something Darryl should be experiencing privately, and not blabbing to the media. Next time Newsday calls you, Darryl, screen your goddamn calls.

Strawberry doesn't know Chamberlain. He's met him only once. But he knows mistakes like this very well.

But hey, why should that prevent him from giving advice to Joba in the pages of a tabloid newspaper?

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There goes Straw, stirring that drink again.

If Stawberry really cared, he'd be out in Nebraska driving Joba to strip joints.

"The Pardoner's Tale" is actually about Bart Giamatti.

He also advised Ken Griffey Jr. on how to cure giganticism.

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